But this can also be the bad news.
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This can happen with cats because of stressful events which are not caused by them. But if we speak to our cats with such stresses in our voice, our cat will know we are upset, and they will think it is because of them.
This becomes even harder when the stress in our voice is because of them, but it’s not their fault. Maybe they have lost a companion, or had to move to a new place, or are struggling with an illness of their own.
As a child, we might have had the experience of getting lost or coming home late, and being greeted with confusing signals from our parents. As parents, we might have had the experience of feeling these confusing signals. Our relief at their safe return clashes with our anxiety about what might have happened to them.
This results in the classic, I’m so glad you’re okay that I’m ready to murder you.
When we try to interact with our cat in the midst of all this stress, our cat flees at the sound of our voice. We didn’t mean it that way, but now we don’t even get comfort from our cat, and we can’t even comfort our cat.
Here’s some tips for fixing this situation:
Calm ourselves down. We might think we’re doing okay. But when our cat flees from us, that might be a clue. It’s better for everyone if we take some deep breaths, even in the midst of whatever is going on.
Whatever the bad situation is, we might not fix it by getting a grip and letting go of our anxieties for the moment. But we certainly aren’t making it better.
Approach with love. If we are trying to comfort our cat, we should sound comforting. Think of how much we love our cat, and let the love show in our voice. Our cat’s keen hearing, almost like a science fiction lie detector, can pick up our real feelings.
That is what they should be hearing.
Don’t fight sadness. If we are sad, cats come to comfort us. If we are fighting to not feel sadness, that’s an entirely different emotion; one that repels cats.
Often, we try to cope with a tough situation by denying that it is one. But that just creates more stress, when we need that energy; not to deny that these things are happening, but to figure out what to do with them.
It turns out our cats are just trying to help us out with this feedback to our state of mind. When we are not struggling at cross purposes, and when we are honest about our losses, our cat can’t help but respond.
So don’t project conflicting and negative emotions towards our cat, and expect them to sort them out.
Especially when we have trouble doing that, ourselves.
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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
