Yet this same principle can be a valuable and positive one when applied to our relationships, especially if we have many elements competing for our attention in the home. There’s nothing a cat likes better than moments I call Only Us.
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After my little trip, James Bond greeted me for a nanosecond, and then ran into the living room, where he sat with his back to me. This common cat communication conveys hurt feelings, and it’s my job (as the one who went away and hurt the feelings) to make it up to him.
So I talked about how much I’d missed him and scooped him up and held him in my arms, not moving, for almost three minutes. Which is a long time. I didn’t let him down until he started wriggling that he was happy again.
Here’s how to make time alone its closest:
Whisper in their ear. When we are close to our cat like this, we shouldn’t speak in a normal tone. We should use our softest voice. Cats have sensitive hearing, and even humans don’t like speaking voices; in their ear.
Don’t walk around. Walking around, carrying our cat, sends an entirely different signal, and one that cats can find anxiety-producing. We can sway a bit, but staying in place means we are here for our cat.
Be alert to signals. Our cat will ask to get down by squirming or extending their paws. If they move towards us, they are simply shifting their position and are not done yet. But if it’s clear they are reassured and happy again, and ready to be put back on the floor or chair, not letting them down will undercut the friendship we just extended.
We can also sit in a chair or sprawl on a bed together, but the important thing is to focus totally on our cat. Making them the only thing in our world, just for a few minutes, is a powerful affection move.
We are telling them we will stop our world for them.
They get that.
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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
My cat doesn’t seem to like being picked up. Whether I am sitting or standing, he resists being handled and will almost instinctively struggle to get free from my grip. I’m being as gentle with him as I can, giving him lots of attention and “only us” time (although at times it seems he just wants to be left alone). I just got him a few days ago. Is it anxiety or just his personality? Whenever I go to stroke or pet him, he will sit there for a few minutes, even rolling over and exposing his belly at times. He doesn’t mind it when I rub his belly or tickle him under his chin, but after a short while he will just walk away. When he is resting, I will go up to him to softly stroke him, and he will tolerate that for a minute or two before getting up, walking away a short distance and resuming the same resting position a bit away from me.
I’m feeling a bit dejected, as if the cat is almost ignoring my existence. Could it be a timely thing, or did I just stumble onto an aloof and uncaring cat who will meow for food but then go off on his own at all other times? Please give me some guidance. I’ve been reading your blog and following the advice very closely, and it seems to be working (the fist of friendship, particularly well).
I tell all my cats that they have to put up with a few pickups and pets and cuddles each day, in exchange for free food and medical care. My oldest makes the same squeak like he’s a kitten being crushed when I do every time – it would be more convincing if he didn’t do it 30 seconds late, and if he wasn’t a 14 pound cat. That at least gets you some contact so you aren’t dejected.
My oldest cat is a little nervous, always has been, and the new cat I have had for a few months is a little skittish still. In both cases lying down often brings them coming to me, on a couch or on the floor, where sitting down does not.
Another trick is to pet them on a counter or table, with their feet down and more on your level, or higher than your level. This worked for my newest cat from the first day, when even now my walking by her often leads to her getting up and moving out of range.
I do find that when I go to another part of the house, the new girl is usually nearby within a few minutes, so she’s not really aloof.
If your guy likes food, bribe him with a treat for your pets. It might get him to come to you, and you can get some contact that way. All’s fair in love, and the cat won’t complain.
Good advice from Oldcat. And it’s only been a few days! Cats need time to trust.
WereBear´s last [type] ..Do cats always land on their feet
I am not sure I concur with the observation that a turned back suggests a cat’s feelings are hurt. Humans might consider a face to face position friendly but for cats I strongly suspect that a turned back might sometimes convey not insult, but trust. As in, if a cat DOESN’T trust you, you will note that he or she does not ever turn his or her back to you — s/he will watch you carefully to make sure you are not a threat. I suppose it depends on context, but still.
Oh and maybe I am just odd for a human but personally I think it is just fine if cats do not want to be picked up or held. I certainly don’t, as an adult, want that myself! Plus a lot of humans do not know how to hold cats properly and hence being grabbed and held with their legs dangling makes them feel unsafe. The way I see it all I have the “right” to do is make myself available so that my cats can seek me out if they want affection. I will seek them out too sometimes but they always, always have the right to refuse! I am not interested in cuddles unless they are sincere and wanted by the cats.
AnneC´s last [type] ..Picky Cat Is Picky- But She Still Needs To Eat!
AnneC, perhaps it depends on the context, but I have seen very obvious hurt back-turning from cats. My mom’s cat, a very sweet and affectionate tabby, was partially disabled toward the end of his life. My mom was about to take him to the vet and thought he might need to use the litter box. So she physically picked him up and put him there. I knew immediately this was a faux pas and in fact he was mortified, resulting in a chase scene to get him into the carrier. When we arrived at the vet’s he would not look at my mother the whole time, making it quite obvious that she was “in the doghouse.”