For Ordell, a lively Alpha, it helped that the kitten is active and interested in everything; just like him.
A more timid kitten would not hold their own with Ordell’s high energy. Maxx is able to keep up and assert himself.
Instead of being intimidated, Maxx is pleased to have such a fine Mentor.
When he feels like quiet snuggling there were other cats he could turn to, until Ordell, a couple of weeks in, decided this was, after all, a good idea.
Recently, we had a fireworks celebration, which is always a nervous time for our cats. We prepared them all day by saying, “The booms are coming, but we don’t have to worry about them.” And we told Mr. Bond, “You need to set a good example for RJ.”
Reverend Jim (RJ) has more trouble than most with distressing input, since he’s 1) only twenty months old, still a kitten, and 2) is continuing to overcome his very deprived background. Over the holidays, Mr. Bond mimed shock and worry about the open oven door. He knows about the open oven door; he was doing this for RJ, to let him know about the dangers.
And Mr. Bond had previously shown his calm and fortitude the last time there were fireworks. He made a point of coming out into the living room, and waited for us to note how brave he was. When we did, he basically said, Fine, I no longer have anything to prove. If you need me, I’ll be under the bed. But now we were asking for more; we wanted Mr. Bond to be brave the whole time; for his Minion.
One might think Mr. Bond is not the greatest prospect for getting a Minion, since he was ten when we got RJ. While he is capable of liveliness, he spends most of his time looking handsome and thinking about complicated issues of philosophy. Yet he adores having a Minion. He loves showing RJ How Things Are Done, something Mr. Bond takes great pride in.
And Mr. Bond stepped up. He sat on the bedroom floor the whole fireworks show, being stoic, and going out into the hall to reassure RJ, where he was lurking instead of under the bed; since RJ also cared about looking brave, following Mr. Bond’s example.
This relationship worked from the beginning; because Mr. Bond and RJ are both Betas. They love to Supervise, they share common outlooks and interests. When they observe each other, they see a cat they understand. This is mirroring, and it works most easily when the other cat has the same qualities.
But what happens when we can’t chose? What if the new kitten arrived from an act of mercy, and they turn out to be a different type? In my last post, new kitten Maxx was such an arrival, turning up at the workplace as the last hope for a home before going to the shelter. This was where his new home’s many cats were an advantage; everyone had a chance at becoming his friend, and he was able to find what he needed, from mellow cats to lively ones.
I got a recent Dear Pammy letter from someone who had rescued a kitten; and found that her five-year-old, Gus, was not happy about it. He harassed the kitten, who was shy and hid a lot. This, to him, broadcasted distress and anxiety. This offended Gus, who took it upon himself to try and run off this interloper who was disturbing his happy home.
Gus’s person didn’t realize she was also broadcasting distress and anxiety. And the new kitten was not yet altered. I suggested the kitten, Yuki, get reintroduced after the altering, and that Gus’s person change her signals. She was happy about the kitten! The kitten is a playmate for Gus!
Armed with patience and understanding, Gus’s person found that these two Odd Couple cats could share a home after all.
As she tells it:
It is a testament to hope and perseverence, isn’t it? Thankfully, any attempt I made to find Yuki another home was thwarted. I guess, despite a rough start, this was meant to be.
However, again, I must say that your thoughts and insights have been invaluable. I’m not sure I could have hung in without your support. You have made a difference in the lives of this family – feline and human.
Gus and Yuki aren’t like this all the time. But they are like this more and more. As time goes on, and Yuki becomes no longer new, Gus will continue to see the advantages of having a playmate, a cuddle partner, and another cat to share his life.
Gus was a strong-willed, confident Beta. And Yuki was a shy, traumatized Gamma. She thought Gus was a bully. He thought she was a pain who kept the household on a nervous edge. Left to their own devices, these cats could not sort out their differences without guidance and a different perspective.
With support, Yuki was no longer the cat who went around crying “doom!” And Gus was no longer the source of that doom. Yuki’s sweet nature, once revealed, is winning Gus over. This lets Gus’s sweet nature, expressed in his concern over how Yuki was upsetting his people, get switched to seeing Yuki as a good thing, not a bad one.
Cat conflicts are usually rooted in this kind of mismatched perspective. But by policing the situation, supporting all the cats in their needs, and letting them know what we expect from them, we can get it to work.
We can have a bigger, happier, family.
See the whole series, as I explain more ways to Minion success.
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There’s more about multiple cats in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See more posts on the MULTIPLE CAT ADVANTAGE.
