I had to go away for several days, and this was the first time RJ experienced me being gone overnight, much less longer. He handled it pretty well. He looked for me at times, got a bit clingy a couple days in, but generally stuck to his routine.
Yet he was devastated when our cat Puffy died last summer. He moped around the house, barely ate, and developed sad, basset-style, eyes. His obvious distress was a major factor in us deciding to look for a kitten a few weeks later.
Yet, in both cases, a member of the household simply vanished, as far as RJ could see. What was the difference?
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The difference was in how the other beings in the house reacted when someone vanished.
When Puffy left and didn’t come back, we were all sad. Even Mr. Bond, who treated Puffy as a big nuisance in life, moped around afterwards. Not only did RJ miss his buddy, everyone else acted like we missed him too.
This was entirely different with my trip. I briefed Mr. Bond, who modeled calm for everyone. Mr WereBear explained where I was. I called in the middle of my trip and left a message for each member of the household, calling them by name.
When I got back, I got to watch RJ’s face light up like a Christmas tree.
It’s key to remember that RJ literally didn’t know what to think when someone vanished. He took his cues from the other beings around him. He draws meaning from the behavior of other beings.
In this, RJ is no different from any of us. We learn from others, far more than we may realize. But what made me especially happy was that RJ could pick up emotions and learn from them. This was something that didn’t always come to him easily.
But now, more and more, it does.
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