As Dear Husband demonstrates with RJ, we scoop up the cat and drape their shoulders over our own. If the cat is still a bit apprehensive, they will draw up their paws to rest on our shoulders.
The key move to relax them is to not hug them or otherwise compel them to stay in this position. We want them to feel that it is their choice to hang out here. We are equals; we are just standing here, and they are not staying here because they have to, but because they want to.
After all, this is a nice, high, vantage point, the same as we have. They are naturally curious about it. The curiosity and enjoyment of high places will distract an uncertain cat who is simply not sure what we are doing. We want them to be thinking I’m not sure what you are doing, but this is okay so far. The cat who is curious will always be drawn in.
As they get more comfortable, they will extend their front legs to hang down over our back, and relax their whole body.
If they are getting used to this move, it’s important not to walk around once we have them in The Drape. Doing so will make them think we are trying to take them into some other place. If they have not yet built enough trust, they will wonder if they are being taken somewhere, where something unknown, and thus, unwanted, will occur.
We just hang out with them, talking softly, enjoying their closeness. It’s fine to tilt our head their way, applying some gentle cuddling with our face. All of these are moves that demonstrate our own trust, and will encourage their own.
The only holding we should do, once we have them in position, is to let their back feet rest on our cupped hand to support the largest part of their body, their powerful hindquarters. But the rest of them should simply be draped over our own body.
It’s a key component that we get them on our shoulder and then let go of most of them as simply and smoothly as we can. We want to convey that we are equals, communing with each other.
Even a skittish cat like Puffy loved The Drape, back when his socialization was at an early stage. As long as I didn’t walk around, I could whisper to him, rub his head with my own, and let him relax all over me. The crucial point, that I am not holding him here, that I am simply helping him into a position that he likes, is what lets The Drape work its magic.
This magic is considerable. Apprehensive cats find holding to be a frightening situation that reeks of compulsion. What are we going to do, where are we going to take them? They don’t feel in control of the situation.
The Drape is a Mutual Respect move that we can get the cat used to when they are kittens. It can be a great first move for an adult cat, when we feel ready for more affection but know the cat is not ready for cuddling. It can be a way of defusing their fears when we scoop them up and then… leave them there.
Some tentative moves as they get settled are to be expected. But if they indicate they want to get down, we should immediately let them down, with both swiftness and security. We can still try the move again, even shortly after. This will also let them know that we are not trying anything they won’t like.
We just want to be friends.
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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
When you bring home that cute little kitten and train the adorable fluffball to ride your shoulder, bear in mind that that little creature will grow into a full-size cat that still expects to be able to ride on your shoulder. Yeti is a 20lb adult Maine Coon cat, and he loves to ride my shoulder, usually with his fluffy butt on my ear for stability. I bring him up to the Drape, and he snuggles there as long as he wants, then climbs up to stand on my shoulder, and it’s time for the Parade. I walk smoothly and slowly around the house, and he stands on my shoulder and purrs. Eventually I walk over to the cat tree to let him off (if Cleo isn’t already there) or walk over to the sofa and bend down smoothly so he can just step off on to the cushions. Yeti is a very happy cat.
Thanks for this tip!! It does work as my husband and I recently discovered. We tried the “Drape” with a 7-month old kitten that was not particularly interested in cuddling and sure enough, she has now begun to seek us out for holding. The holding lasts for up to half an hour or longer sometimes. Occasionally, we’re the ones who have to put her down because we can’t sit or stand any longer!!
I’m thrilled she’s responding so well! Adolescence can be a tricky time. Extra effort to bring out the cuddle in the cat at this age will always pay off down the road.