The “but I want to” response

It’s usually the first response we get when we suggest to the cat that we don’t want them to do that.

They reply, But I want to.

We must acknowledge that they are right.

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They do want to. What shall we do now?

This is a vital step in cat training. Yet it is one that is probably the most neglected. Dog training works in a binary way, where we tell the dog what we want and the dog is made happy by obeying.

Cats do not work that way.

We are used to thinking of training as telling beings to do what we want. Instead of thinking of it as getting beings to do what we want.

We need to make that mental gear change; since persuasion works much better with cats.

When we hear But I want to our first response should be I know you do!

This acknowledgment of their wants puts us on the cat’s side.

This is what the cat wants, from us, before they feel comfortable with revamping their behavior, for us.

Our cat wants to know we aren’t asking them to change their behavior for a frivolous reason, because the cat isn’t doing it for a frivolous reason. Cats do things to stay alive and to amuse themselves while they are waiting for a survival thing to come along.

While we certainly think things would be easier for us if we could just tell our cats to do what we want, this is a quality more likely to appear in robot cats; not real ones. So whenever we have a But I want to! situation, we shouldn’t get exasperated or angry. We should take this as a training opportunity.

  • We acknowledge the cat’s wishes.
  • We explain why this isn’t a good idea.
  • We substitute something else for what the cat wants.
  • If our cat is into the trash, on top of a spindly piece of furniture, or playing with wires, we can take them away from it right away, and then use the three suggestions above. But in any case, we must approach our cat’s wishes with some respect, and agree with them that they want to.

    We have that happen to us, too! we can tell them.

    And, sadly, we don’t always get our way, either.

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    About Pamela

    Through her amateur cat rescue, she cured problem cats and placed them in new homes. Learn to maximize cat enjoyment!
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