Because their sleep cycle is faster than our own. We can all go to bed perfectly happy, but they are not designed to sleep as long as we are. So, in the middle of our night, they wake up refreshed, ready for action, only to discover we are not doing anything, really.
And here they are, bored and lonely. Surely we have gotten enough sleep by now!
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Cats who wail, walk on us, or otherwise indicate they want us to get up in the Middle of The Night might not be as completely to blame for the situation as we might think. Because of all the training mistakes people can make, the most likely one to happen is doing the wrong thing in this particular situation.
The wrong thing to do in this situation is… anything.
That’s right. We could have created these monsters. Because if they are trying to get us up, and we get up, we have just trained them. Doing that thing, that thing they just did, will work. As dedicated cat scientists, they do not write papers or high-five each other in the lab, but they will most certainly do that thing again.
The proper response to a cat trying to get us up, for playtime or breakfast or anything else short of a screaming smoke alarm, must be: Nothing. If we have to react, like from a paw on the face or several foot-pounds on a tender spot, we can mutter and thrash and turn over, but we can’t do anything else. And we certainly can’t get up… that’s what they are after, isn’t it?
We don’t have to be a Russian named Pavlov to realize that it doesn’t even matter if we curse or yell or act upset when we get up… if we get up. What they did worked since we got up. The cats figure the goal can be fine tuned later. What’s important early on? Results!
We have to make it not possible for them to get what they want, so they can shift their goals.
Chances are, if we have this problem, we have already trained the cat. Now we have to retrain the cat.
Create a “depths of the night” toybox or other quiet distraction that we put out in the living room when we go to bed. This contains things they like but will only be available to them at night. Explain that this is for playing with while we are still sleeping. If we could have it opened by them as needed or by some remote method, all the better.
They have to see that they are not getting us up at 3 AM, but we are still meeting their needs at such times. Of course, the toys and treats must be quiet; no balls with bells in them! But anything that engages their minds (how do we get the toybox open?) will keep them from being bored.
Play them into the ground before bed so they will be going to sleep when we do, but when they wake up, they will have something to do that is not available at any other time.
We might also need to have an aversive feedback when the meowing starts coming from downstairs. We can leave the vacuum cleaner out in the hall, with the plug nearby. A quick blast of noise in response to their noise makes them rethink their approach.
If they don’t get what they want from meowing, keep a bottle of air or water nearby, where we can reach it without making too many motions or getting up. If they appear in person, a quick blast into the air, not even directed at them, makes them realize that this is not the response they want, either.
If we need to make a pitstop in the night, make it as quick and quiet as possible. Don’t turn on any lights or otherwise confuse them about our intentions. Putting nightlights in the right places, or keeping a flashlight by the bed for such trips, will be sufficiently different from our morning routine to let them know that even though we are up, we are not really up. We are not awake (don’t respond to the cuteness!) and all they will get is the usual nothing.
If the cat makes overtures when we go back to bed, all they might get is grabbed and hugged as we fall asleep. If that’s what they want, great. If not, they will have to seek amusement elsewhere.
Remember, once we are asleep… we are asleep! Even our reactions must come from the depths of sleep. They can’t get any attention, except the kind they don’t like, by waking us up.
As dedicated scientists, they will only be moved by results they like. Showing them that this experiment is a failure will let them get busy coming up with new solutions to their 3 AM boredom and loneliness problem.
Or they will keep doing it.
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There’s more to raising and training a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CAT TRAINING TIPS.
I’ve trained 2 kittens to let me sleep, and it’s easy.
When you go to bed, pull the sheets up to your chin. Place a towel over your head (except for your nose and mouth, as breathing is often a good thing). Inevitably, the kitten will try to get you to play. Pretend you are asleep. When they find your face, your only exposed skin, they will bat at you (and kittens take a while to learn that they can keep their claws in when they do this, so–OW!). Cover your face completely but loosely with the towel (c.f. above; breathing, good), and continue to pretend to sleep. With nothing to paw at, eventually the kitten will give up, curl up, and go to sleep. Eventually they’ll become less nocturnal, and enjoy sleeping with you for its own sake. With both my cats, it only took about a month for them to learn this.
The most important part: When you are awake and they ask for your attention, give it to them, and quickly. This tells them that they’re important to you when the lights are on, but lights-out is different. That’s when everybody needs to sleep.
thank you for addressing the ‘pitstop’ issue