There’s a bit of advice in high circulation lately; advising us that we should not stare at cats. This is the “predator stare” and will make cats feel challenged.

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There is a predator stare; cats use it themselves, so they certainly know about it. And if we stare at a cat who is a stranger to us, we can see how it might make them wonder what is on our mind.

Yet this same stare is entirely different when I use it on my cats. I stare at their back, to see if they notice. (Many times, they do.) I stare at their face, while they stare back, each of us hinting at the game we are playing with small movements of our faces. And I stare at them to catch their eye before I blink them the slow signals of friendship, the cat kiss.

I have used cat kisses to convince any number of cats that I am their friend. I have gotten wary cats to come to me and friendly cats roll over on their bellies and extend a paw. I used it to tame the semi-feral Mr. Bond and save him from the shelter.

So I am little wary of this advice, because if we avoid eye contact with a cat, we are not sending a reassuring signal. We should ignore the cat if we want them to make the first move. But if we are trying to engage the cat, eye contact is one of our most powerful tools.

I’m sure the advice is meant to encourage people to avoid a fixed stare, which cats can be puzzled by, if they do not know our intentions. Perhaps it is a carryover from the dog world, where gazing into a dog’s eyes conveys a challenge and can make a dog nervous.

But when I read on cat forums that certain people never make eye contact with their own cats, and advise others never to look into their cat’s eyes, I feel this advice should be corrected. The original thought was misunderstood and it is now being misapplied.

After all, cats use a fixed stare on us, all the time. When they are trying to attract our attention, when they are trying to figure out our intentions, when they are eager to communicate; their eyes never leave our face.

If the “predator stare” has such bad connotations for them, why would they use it on us? Don’t do that, Harvey, the humans will think you want to eat them!

It is often discussed as detrimental to making friends with shy cats. Yet when we look under the bed for the shy cat, what are they usually doing? They are looking into our face, staring at it, trying to make eye contact and figure out what we want.

Is it a coincidence that a human smile squints our eyes closed in a friendly eye communication with the cat? Perhaps; but it is a coincidence that we can use to our advantage.

Nothing starts unless we make a connection.

That is what really led me to speak out about this advice. I don’t think it’s good advice. Perhaps it started out that way, but in its current, shortened, incorrect form, it is less than useless. It is actively detrimental to people who want to make friends with cats.

Who are trying to make that connection; and yet are avoiding the most powerful way to do just that.

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