When their time is over too soon, it’s very common to feel that we can’t ever have cats again.
But this is confusing the concept of mourning with the concept of life.
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When we have multiple cats, this particular reaction is less likely to come up; we are committed to our Cat Civilization moving forward, and while we deeply mourn the loss of an individual member, we know that, when the time is right, a slot has opened up for a cat who needs one.
And that’s the bottom line. There’s always a cat who needs one.
I’ve heard the never again! sentiment expressed for both dogs and cats, though usually in a situation where the pet was the only pet. Perhaps because I have always been committed to the concept of the more, the merrier; perhaps because I feel that where there is one great cat, there will be others; perhaps because I embrace life with all its ups and downs; it has never crossed my own radar.
It seems like a cruel trick that we can forge such a strong relationship with a creature whose lifespan is only a fraction of our own. But, cosmically speaking, until we don’t have throw-away cats, we will be responsible for all the thrown-away life that results from our society’s unenlightened attitudes.
How horrible would it be that the cats languishing in shelters might languish there for ninety years? How terrible is the thought that a cat euthanized for being homeless is the lost of not just ten years, but almost ten times that?
So we have 15-20 years to look forward to when we bring home a young cat. It seems like a long time; until it’s over.
We should mourn; and then we should stop. The cat lives on in our heart. What better acknowledgment of how much joy the relationship has brought us than to wade into the world to find it again?
Of course there will never be another cat like the one we lost. But there can be another relationship, with its own unique wonders.
I still miss all my cats, and especially the cats who were especially close. But I handle it by remembering how much they taught me. Wouldn’t they approve of me passing on the love I got to other cats?
Of course they would.
That’s the kind of cats they are.
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This hits home, I recently posted a comment about our cat Daemon, whom we recently lost, on Cat Math. You are right, he had a lot to teach us and his lessons live on.
For a month or so, he was sick but treatable and not ready to leave us yet. I think we all started the mourning process then, I’d go in another room when I felt sad, where he wouldn’t sense me being upset. For a while I didn’t want another cat, partly because our two remaining cats are almost 11. Even though they’re in good health I’m not sure how they’ll take to a newcomer. On the other hand they’re opposites, and thanks to Daemon we already know that the right cat companion can help them get along better.
We take care of a few ferals that live in our neighborhood and one young female is being very friendly and wants to come in. That was out of the question before, it would have been too much for Daemon to deal with. But now its mainly a question of compatibility with the remaining cats. Fortunately we now have a wealth of information and advice – your blog! – to help us find and introduce the right cat.
I have heard people say never again and I have never understood that attitude. So your blog set me a little straight on that. And that is so true, that all kitties or dogs have different personalities and so have many different things to fall in love with. I have many cats that have passed on and I still miss them but what great memories.
Margaret Elmendorf’s last blog post..Getting Lucky