Many people unthinkingly apply dog templates to their cat thinking. Cats send their more subtle signals of Presence out to such a person; and get nothing back. Now that we better understand how cats send their signals, let’s explore how we humans can play the Presence game, and let the cat know that we are asking for attention.

Our more direct attempts to gain cat affection work on cats who are relaxed and confident already. It doesn’t matter if they were born that way, or we encouraged them to be that way. We can go looking for each other, get in each other’s space, and have a mutual cuddling session with each other. Anytime either of us feels like it.

That is what we want from a pet relationship.

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People don’t get affection from their cat relationship when they expect the cat to be as demanding, and impervious to hurt, as a dog. Yet what is ironic about this demand is that usually the person is not acting the same way a dog would.

They want the cat to come to them more often. Even if they are not going to the cat.

It’s important to remember that even if we make the effort to demand attention, we might still be doing it in a way that turns off the cat. However well intentioned, coming home and dragging the cat out from under the bed will not improve our cat relationship.

We can assert our own Presence in a way the cat will understand. We just have to do it the right way, and avoid doing it the wrong way.

The wrong way to ask for affection from our cat:

Picking the wrong times. Often, people will take advantage of what they see as times that the cat is already paying attention to them to ask for more attention from the cat. But this will backfire when we push too hard. If the cat asks for something, we should do a bit of interaction before the task, not after.

Once the bowl is put down or the litter cleaned, the cat wishes to attend to business, not get distracted by petting or other demands of our own. It’s not very friendly of us to demand immediate payment for our efforts.

To the cat, this distorts what should be an act of love. We might as well be telling them we will be leaving money on the dresser.

We should not barge into a situation that is not going to be improved by our efforts. Even a cat who enjoys petting will not appreciate too much of it during dinner. We love our friends acting rowdy at the big game, but not at the dinner we are throwing for our boss.

Picking the wrong ways. We can never force our attentions on the cat and get good results. We cannot hold them against their struggles in an attempt to show them we are friendly. This will never be a way to teach them to enjoy cuddling.

Yet somewhere on the globe at this very moment, a frustrated cat person is “holding” a cat in order to pet them. This works about as well as the psychotic stalker who wants to “make” a celebrity fall in love and marry them.

Not very well.

Humans persist in these doomed efforts because they just don’t know how to get the ball rolling with a shy cat, a traumatized cat, or a cat who has already been inadvertently turned off by their previous, clumsy, attempts.

Humans must accept that, just as they would like someone to be their friend by making friendship efforts that the other person likes, we must extend friendship to a cat by making efforts they can understand.

If need be, we will start with the most basic of overtures.

We will learn the right way to impress the cat with our Presence.

See the next article on Using Our Presence.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.