So we must respect their stress level. There’s good stress and bad stress, and we don’t want bad stress.
They can build it up in their bodies, and get into frantic activity. They can build it up in their minds, and develop frantic misbehavior.

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From the cat’s point of view, as a delicately balanced nervous system combines with a cautious reaction time, they can get overwhelmed most easily when they are puzzled about our intentions. We need to always speak cheerfully to the cat. We can’t make sudden moves until they are used to them, and they never like teasing unless we make it clear beforehand: This is a joke, right?
In fact, a cat can be mis-trained to get overcharged through what should be pleasurable interactions with us, because a proper level of trust has not yet been built. But there are some clear signs of overcharging that can keep everyone safe.
We can always retrain the cat, but it’s also easier not to.
Creating an atmosphere where the cat is not sure about our good intentions can come about when we think we are “playing” with the cat. We can have a high energy play session, we can chase them and be chased, we can even wrestle with the cat. But we can’t ever let the cat feel overwhelmed; that leads to overcharging. Asking them to release a lot of energy in a way that makes them anxious will block the good release of that energy. Then we have a nervous cat.
People who protest that the cat “keeps coming back for more” as a way of justifying rough play are misinterpreting the cat’s signals. Some cats will back off from rough play, and then avoid the rough player. But some cats can’t bear to show that they can be intimidated, and will feel forced to match what they see as aggression. Then we have the clueless party pushing it to the point where the cat feels threatened; and the cat defends themselves.
Then it becomes the cat’s fault when a person gets scratched. Only… it’s not the cat’s fault.
One classic way to overcharge a cat is to play too rough. Males are the most inclined to misinterpret the cat’s expressions of dislike as signs they are enjoying it.
Cat crouches and lashes tail from side to side.
Cat opens mouth as though yawning.
Cat doesn’t back down.
Cat makes sounds.
Cat rolls over on back or side.
Cat opens mouth partway.
Cat relaxes to look away from us.
Cat purrs or sighs.
Even if our attentions do charge the cat, we want them to do it in a condition of good stress. They can get wound up and chase a wand toy or sponge ball, wrestle with their toy mouse, or otherwise discharge the stress in a way that gives them exercise.
As long as it’s good stress. It works the cat’s charging/discharging cycle to keep them happy and in good shape.
It works best when we are clear about our good intentions.
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Very good points, I think this is a good thing to observe when dealing with cat’s feelings and gain their trust and confidence too.
Unfortunately, most of the men I speak to just do not get this.
My partner treats my cat like he’s a dog. While he doesn’t wrestle or man handle him, his “play” usually revolves around intimidation and domination – he just can’t seem to understand that dogs are pack animals and cats are not. Meaning they interpret demand and force very differently – Cats don’t understand this behaviour except as a threat. “Forcing” dogs to submit appeals to their sense of hierarchy, but cats need to be tempted into obedience – it always needs to be there choice in the end.
Annoyingly, every time I start to get this through my partner’s skull, he has a casual conversation with a mate, who destroys all my careful explanations with a vindicating and equally as ignorant comment
You are so right, Natasha. It is difficult for some people to understand that cats are not dogs; I have never understood why. It’s not like they look anything alike. I’ve concluded they simply have a big group in their head marked “pet.”
I’m sure the cat is unhappy about it too.