Some breeds have the reputation of One Person Cats, such as the Chantilly/Tiffany, Manx, Ocicat, Siamese, Somali, and Turkish Angora. This isn’t a purebred trait, though, since many people have told me about their seriously mixed breeds who attach themselves to one person.
It’s not a breed trait so much as a state of mind that creates a One Person Cat. These cats are happiest with a high degree of interaction and trust, and, once this is established, they will not be driven to seek that same level with another person.
Since they have a high need for affection and closeness, they have untapped potential to offer these gifts to someone else, too. This potential is not realized when other people in the household decide the One Person Cat stops there. They do not.
For instance, there’s RJ. Within five seconds of RJ’s first meeting with Mr WereBear, I knew they had a special bond, and I said so. Mr WereBear was disbelieving at the time.
After all, RJ freely bestowed affection on me, to the point that he would spend ten minutes on one lap, and then switch to another. I could pick him up and cuddle him and get purrs. He would seek me out for affection, and act distressed when I went out. It was, and is, obvious he loves me. Too.
Yet as time went on, it was just as obvious that the special bond I noticed was still operating. RJ’s favorite spots were always near the places where Mr WereBear spent most of his time. It was Mr WereBear who got the melting-into-the-lap moments, the little chirps of inquiry, and the google-eyed, share this with me, seeking out interactions. It’s not that I wouldn’t get those times. It’s that Mr WereBear got more of them, and got them first.
Yes, RJ is a One Person Cat. It’s not that Mr WereBear is home more, and thus gets to feed and play with the cats more, though that is true. Mr WereBear gets plenty of cuddling and care from Mr. Bond. When Mr WereBear is feeling low, it is Mr. Bond who draws my attention to the fact, and will push open the door to the bedroom to sleep on the bed, offering consolation in the only way he can.
Yet I am, and will always be, Mr. Bond’s Special Person.
Some cats do not single out. They are capable of being equally adoring with any person who can win them over. It’s not that their affection and trust is any less than the One Person Cat’s. It’s that they have a lower threshold for invoking it, one which more people can easily meet.
The One Person Cat personality has extra helpings of caution and demand. It takes more devotion and effort to convince them we are trustworthy, but once the tide has turned, the One Person Cat gives themselves over to their Special Person, who has shown themselves to be worthy.
The responsibility of being a Special Person to such a cat cannot be taken lightly. They will pine when we are away, expect to be fussed over after every absence, and require daily attention and affection for them to feel secure.
The bestowing of Special Person status is only when a person has already established such a standard; they have shown that Their Cat is likewise worthy. We cannot let the side down, despite the press of other demands on our time and attention. The One Person Cat cannot easily switch to another person, and neglect will leave them bereft.
However, this doesn’t mean the One Person Cat cannot love other people. In fact, they should love other people. The catch is that they can only love people who love them back, properly. If other people shower them with the requisite fascination, the One Person Cat can become the More-Than-One Person Cat.
This cannot happen in a household where the other people feel the cat’s heart is already taken, and never make the effort required to be their friend. It’s true, the cat will only have one Special Person. But these are cats with great potential for affection. They have room for any number of Also Special People.
The One Person Cat will not be swayed by sporadic, half-hearted attempts. To get their considerable devotion, we must be willing to bestow considerable devotion as a token of our good faith. Once captured, the cat will give a great deal to their new friend, and will have a go-to person for times their Special Person is not available.
It’s also important for the Special Person to encourage the cat to reach out to other people. The One Person cat is highly sensitive to the displeasure of their Special Person. Jealousy or possessiveness on the part of the Special Person would discourage the cat from showing affection to others. But this isn’t fair. There will be more love for everyone when all parties can freely be affectionate with each other.
I may not be RJ’s favorite. But he fusses over me anyway. He talks to me, is interested in what I do, and loves my cuddling. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have 100% of RJ’s heart. I love him, which means I’m glad he has someone he can give all of his heart to.
99% of a heart, when it is as big as RJ’s, is still a wonderful thing to have.
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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
Hey! this really helped me out but i think my kitty is a little more… obsessive. this is my first cat, and i really dont know what to think of this..
When i am sitting at my desk, it is like she demands that she must sit/sleep in my lap. If i close my bedroom/bathroom/any door that i may be behind, she gets EXTREMELY upset and cries and scratches the door ’til i let her in. Before i go to bed (laying in bed), she has to give me this massage like thing with her front paws (i have always called in powdering), and when i wake up. If she doesnt, i have an angry kitty all day long. Oh yeah, she refuses to sleep anywhere unless i am right there, which entails her laying across my stomach or beside my head. What really bothers me though, is that she will only purr for me. No matter how hard ANYONE tries, she will only purr for me and she will bite or scratch them.
Please help me out.. I am a firs ttime cat owner and completely baffled by all of this.
-Mari
Hi Mari,
Since there’s a lot going on, feel free to write me a letter, and I’ll get back to you. Be sure to tell me about the cat’s background!
I have been seeking advice about our 6 year old male cat. He loooooves my 8 year old daughter since she was a baby, I mean he seeks her out no matter where she is, even in the bathroom. This is a very sweet gesture however my daughter is allergic to him! She can live with him but cannot touch him our she starts sneezing, runny eyes and nose. So it is interesting that he wants her when she cannot touch him. He is an obvious member of our family so he must stay but her allergies are getting worse. Is there a way to break his apparant bond with her and draw him to another member of our family?
I’ve sent you an email, April.
Hi,
My daughter has the same problem with our cat, she is allergic AND gets bad asthma.The cat likes to be around her, so she has a love/hate relationship with it. I’m keeping it for my other daughter while she’s in college, because she can’t find anywhere else for the cat to go.
One thing i read on another site that helped was Walmart brand-Chlortabs- helps a LOT. Also Zyrtec is supposed to help, but the Chlortabs are doing good and much less expensive.
Hello, I was happy to find this article. I have had cats all of my life, but have never had a one person cat until now. We have had Alice for 4 years (since she was a kitten) and she has always been my son’s cat. She is totally in love with my son and follows him around (even meows at a closed door), she knows what time he comes home from school and waits for him in the window, sits in his lap, sleeps in his bed, etc. From all appearances she would seem like the perfect cat, but her good behavior is reserved only for my son. The rest of the time she is horrible- no one else can come near her, or even touch her unless they want to be growled at, bitten or scratched! Once I pushed my hair away from my face and accidentally grazed her with my arm and she drew blood. Additionally, if she sees my son pet or hold the other cat or our dog she will attack the other animal out of jealousy. Sometimes if she is mad enough she may give my son the cold shoulder and avoid him for a few days until she is not mad anymore. I have never seen cat behavior like this- is ths normal? Is there anything I can do to improve rlations with her. I have tried to be friends with her, but she is so combative! Any suggestions are appreciated. Thank you.
Hi Chavala,
Your cat is a jealous cat. This article should help.
Your son has convinced her he is worthy of trust, and this means others can, especially with your son’s help to show the cat you are trustworthy.
Hi
I’ve had my cat for about 6months we got him from the rspca and were told he’s about 2yrs old.I’m unsure as to whether he’s a 1person cat or a jelous cat. He always sits near me or on me and sleeps on my side of bed at night when my partner and I get home from work he comes to my side of the car when I’m in the bath he has to sit on side of bath.when my partner goes out he is even more loving.however when my partner trys to stroke him he bites and scratches him at first I thought it was jst playing but now I’m nt sure.my cat is nt botherd when I show my partner afection.we both feed him and play wit him any ideas wots goin on?
How does your partner try to stroke him? Is it different from the way you do?