I have had a feral cat for 2 months now. I used to be able to pet her and she seemed to enjoy it. Now I pet her for a short period of time, then she seems to “freak out” and hiss and swat at me.
Dear Reader,
It can be very distressing to have a cat who reacts badly to our overtures of affection. But the cat is not reacting this way because they hate us.
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The cat is reacting this way because they are being overwhelmed.
Feral cats are at a particular disadvantage when it comes to being socialized, since they have no positive human experience to help them trust us and become our friends. But any cat can find our overtures simply too much fun. Then they think we are making them feel confused, overstressed, and panicky on purpose.
Then they respond with distress.
What can we do to tame a Jekyll & Hyde cat? We ask ourselves these questions:
What’s the pacing? It may seem odd that the cat in this example seems to tolerate petting less, now. But that’s assuming the petting has always been the same. We can’t assume that.
It’s only natural as our new cat seems to enjoy petting more and more, we pet a little more enthusiastically. Or for longer. We might not notice the difference, but our wary cat certainly does.
The answer is to let our cat set the pace. We can best do this by not petting them; instead, we hold out our hand and leave it there. Then our cat can rub themselves against the hand as much as they want… or not.
What’s the proximity? The most important thing we can demonstrate to the cautious feral cat is that nothing bad happens when we are near. That is what worries them; that’s the possibility that makes them over-react.
This realization cannot happen if we are constantly tripping their alarms, and then they go away. We don’t mean to, we don’t want to, but pushing too hard will do it.
The answer is to not treat them like a normal cat. Because they are not.
We need to arrange things so that the cat is around us; and we ignore them, a great deal of the time. Go to where they hang out, but don’t pay any attention to them. Bring a book, a laptop, any quiet task we can do while just being there… while nothing bad happens.
Feral cats panic quickly; it’s how they got this far. But now that this reflex is no longer needed, we can be so boring they don’t bother to get panicked over us any more. That’s a great victory.
What’s the incentive? Feral cats are new to human companionship. With the increased wariness that comes from their challenging lifestyle, they have to see what is in it for them, over and over again, to overcome this barrier.
Remember, our feral cat enjoys our friendship. In fact, they enjoy it so much they can’t take too much of it at once. They start getting anxious and they worry about it all going wrong, then they wonder why someone who is supposed to be their friend is creating all these screaming feelings, and they try to make it all stop.
The answer is to increase the cat’s enjoyment in our presence. Just being there is something that is enough when a cat loves us. It can be a source of anxiety when a cat does not love us, yet.
So add to our appeal with treats, a play session, or just lying on the floor: inert, approachable, a source of curiosity and un-threateningness.
When it comes to feral cats, curiosity lures them in. Doing too much of anything can override this drive.
So, when in doubt, don’t.
This question was submitted anonymously, with no email address. I hope the message gets to them.
Sometimes we might have created the problem. Read my post, Overcharged Cats. For tips to draw out shy cats, see Calming the Scaredy Cat.
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There’s more ways to understand our cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my posts on WHY CATS DO THAT.
