It doesn’t seem fair. I feed the cat, play with her, and we have a close relationship. Yet the moment my Significant Other walks through the door, she’s after them for affection, even though they don’t fuss over her as much as I do. What gives?
Dear Reader,
From the perspective of the one who fusses over the cat more, it would seem the Fusser should get more affection. And does the Fusser get more affection?
Most likely.
Just by virtue of being there for the cat more, the Fusser has a greater opportunity to get attention from the cat. The Fusser is getting more. Why, then, will the cat ask for attention from someone who does not fuss as much?
Because they do not fuss as much.
The cat knows they are interesting and delightful. Their Fusser tells them so. They wonder why Significant Other does not recognize this fact. They are trying to evoke the same reactions from the Other as they get from the Fusser.
It’s a compliment to the Fusser that they have raised a
The cat is actually trying to make the Fusser happy.
Would it help family relations if the cat ignored the Other’s affectionate overtures? Gave them the cold shoulder because they didn’t get “enough fussing” from the Other?
Cats don’t calculate that way. And neither should we.
Love is both the most powerful and the most misunderstood emotion on earth. Its greatest misconception is when we regard such a powerful force as something finite.
Something we should hoard as a miser guards their gold, never deriving any pleasure from it, considering any expenditure as something which detracts from its sum.
We cannot regard love as something material and inert. Love is organic and alive. Thus, it is something which grows when fed, and expands to fill any welcoming environment.
Whatever the Other’s reasons for not fussing over the cat as much as the Fusser does, it can only be a good thing for them to feel kindly towards the cat. Encouraging this relationship creates a happier Other, a happier Fusser, and a happier cat.
Cats are capable of creating relationships among every member of the household. These will naturally differ, as all relationships do, depending on what each brings to the table. But jealousy and rivalry never results in more love, but less. Showing displeasure when the cat enjoys another person or engaging in a “fuss war” to see who the cat loves most reduces the amount of love available to all.
It’s confusing enough for a secure and confident cat to discover they are the inexplicable source of tension in the family. It’s disastrous to create this added stress for an insecure or troubled cat, who will react with hiding and behavioral problems.
Not more love, but less.
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There’s more ways to understand our cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my posts on WHY CATS DO THAT.
