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Of course, our cats had kitty moms. They would nurse from their mother, and use their feet to knead momma’s belly to increase the flow of milk and produce bonding hormones that strengthen the kitten/mother bond. All of this is instinctual, but instincts are adaptable and can be expressed in situations which trigger them.
Most cats will, when relaxed and happy, knead our laps, expressing their comfort and trust in the way they first expressed it in their lives. Cats can learn to not use their claws during this process, by our wincing and saying “ow” when they get too enthused. Cats enjoy kneading, and will modify their behavior so we can enjoy it too.
If we have a cat who is starting to drift into the drooling, glazed eyes, stage, they will forget about their claws because they are so happy. I just stick a throw or other soft object under their front paws to protect me. They are “in the zone” at such times, and startling them out of it with a correction will backfire.
I just take it as a compliment. Which it is.
Nursing is a different story. Most cats will knead, but nursing behavior is a clue that this cat did not complete the weaning process with proper support. Often these are cats who were taken from their mother too soon, as so often happens when people want to give them away at a tiny, cute stage. The separation could have been even more traumatic. But what happens is the the weaning was abruptly ended, instead of being the gradual process that “shuts off” this instinct. Not every cat whose weaning was interrupted will display this reaction, but when a cat does it, it is often a behavior that is difficult to eradicate.
Creating a good home with plenty of mutual trust and reassurance can moderate a nursing cat’s impulses. If we get them when they are tiny, and they show this behavior, we can cuddle them, offer food and water, and moderate their reaction so they can grow out of it. Even if we get them as a grown cat, we can take these same steps to help the cat find new coping skills.
Because, while they have the same root, these two behaviors are being used differently. Kneading persists as an expression of affection. Nursing is a coping strategy the cat turns to when feeling stressed. Like all coping behaviors, we can guide and direct the cat to better ones by reducing their stress and coming up with behaviors that will work better in our home.
If the cat is soaking the corners of our throw pillows, we have to remember that it’s not just the corner that satisfies the cat. It’s the fact that this corner is attached to a yielding body that gives the cat the replay of their earliest needs. The famous Harlow monkey experiment demonstrates that what the cat is seeking is comfort, not just a nipple substitute.
Give the nursing cat the cuddling and love that was missing, and they will learn to seek us out, instead of their pillow. If they are doing this while we are away from home, they are saying they miss us. See if a pillow, purchased for them and covered with our scent by rubbing it on our hair and even sleeping with it for a few nights, can be a pillow they can turn to that is even better than the ones on our sofa, and we can place it in one of the cat’s special spots.
As our cat grows and matures, they will retire their nursing behavior. But kneading persists. It’s a way of expressing affection that humans enjoy, so it gets supported by our own behavior. There’s no downside to it, for us or the cat.
So when we have the cat in our lap, don’t just have the cat in our lap. Let’s gently stroke the cat, rub their ears and faces, and cuddle their chest and belly. Let’s say sweet things to them in a low, soft, loving voice. Our love makes the cat feel secure and protected. Kneading is the cat’s way of calling us “Momma.”
That’s what we are after. A very happy cat.
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There’s more ways to understand our cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my posts on WHY CATS DO THAT.
I recall when I volunteered at PAAWS this summer there was a feral kitten brought in who would “nurse” on people and leave tiny kitten hickeys. Another friend takes in feral kittens to socialize them for adoption and occasionally ends up keeping them. One of them would nurse on herself, a form of self-soothing behavior that cats are able to do given their flexibility. Maybe one day as she grows up and is secure in her forever home she will outgrow that behavior.
How about when they won’t knead on you? My one boy will knead the air when I pet him, the other will knead the bed, but neither will knead me. Are they just not bonded to me yet?
They could simply be considerate, knowing they might not be able to control their claws at such a time. Cats are all individuals; they can come to different conclusions.
I certainly would not say they have not bonded; this is very happy behavior, but they can express it in different ways, as your two boys do. I’ve had cats who won’t knead my lap, but love to lie on the bed and poke their paws into my stomach; others who will sit on my lap, yet prefer to knead the armrest. It’s the setting that determines when they are most relaxed, and it’s the setting that will shape their response.
I do have a story about a kitten who never lost the nursing behavior.
The kitten who grew up with me adopted a brown bathmat the day I found her and brought her inside. She would knead and nurse on it, drooling madly, just as happy as can be. We called the mat her suck-rug, because that’s just fun to say. She eventually wore a big ol’ hole in the middle of it.
She never nursed on anything else, just the rug, wherever it was lying at the time (I confess I often kept it near me or in my room because she would usually sleep near or on it for part of the day).
We were best friends for eighteen beautiful years. She nursed on that rug until the day she died quietly in her sleep, and she was buried with it.
Here’s a picture, taken when she was about three. In my website link is a link to more pictures, and the only time I ever really wrote about her in my journal.
Shirley — but we called her Weed, because she was always where you didn’t want her, and she grew so fast — was one of those rare cats you only get a handful of times in a lifetime. I had many cats in my childhood, but she is the one who was my companion and friend, and she’s the one who had the patience to deal with a three-year-old child, even as a small kitten, and who taught me how to interact with cats and talk to them.
She was a great cat.
We ahave had our cats the we resucued 3 years age. One of the females that was very shy nurses on my neck. She wraps her arms around my neck and burrows in my hair around my face and nurses. I find it very cute, and ahave many cats in my life, just never one that nurses. Not complaining, just curious!
I also have a cat (Pepper) that nurses on herself. She was not however, weaned too early. Paradoxally she was weaned too late…she nursed until she was 12 weeks old…and when her mother stopped nursing her she began to nurse on a larger more dominant kitten (Fatty) from the litter. The kitten (Fatty) did not seem to mind- although we found it to be somewhat disturbing. Tragically the larger kitten (Fatty) was injured while rough housing with her mother and had to be put to sleep. It was after this event that the other kitten (Pepper) began to auto-nurse. We thought she would grow out of it- but she is now an adult and continues to do. She had kittens of her own and briefly stopped this behavior, but later began doing it again. On the contrary she does not do it when she is stressed- but rather when she is happy or excited. She does it when I pet her and when she begins to purr. As soon as the kneading starts, so does the nursing. She likes to curl up on my stomach because I am very warm, knead my belly and nurse. I do not discourage it because it makes her happy. However, I am the only one she does this with. I am not sure what to make of it.
I’m not sure if it’s too late to comment on this post, but I have a question about cats using claws while kneading. My kitty gets very enthusiastic and uses her claws when she kneads on me. It hurts! Sometimes saying “ow” makes a slight difference, but it continues to be a problem. I do not want to discourage her expression of affection, and I usually put something like a thick blanket underneath so she can just knock herself out. But sometimes she still manages to scratch me, or there’s nothing suitable within reach. Is there any other way I can discourage her from extending her claws when she does this?
I have a new cat that does the same thing. I think the easiest thing would be to trim the front claws a little bit to blunt them. I have had some luck in getting my cat to knead the cushion I am on instead of me when she gets too much. In the end I usually just wince and bear it.
They do sell little caps you can use to cover the claws as well.
What an informative article, I guess now I know why my cat won’t stop nursing on the zebra blanket of my daughter’s, the poor guy wasn’t weened properly!
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We adopted an 8 to 9 week kitten found on the streets of CHicago. Not long after he came home with us, he started “nursing” on me – suckling my tees and kneading my abdomen. For a while, he did it up to 5 times a night! I took it as a complement that he thought of me as “mom.” Although it interfered with my sleep for a while, I didn’t have the heart to stop him. Now he’s 1 and he still likes to do it once or twice a night. He’s a great cat and I’m still the only one he purrs for, which bothers my boyfriend a bit, but he’ll probably outgrow it someday.
My cat kneads in my hair and tends to chew it too. She also nibbles om my neck when im trying to sleep. It gets very frustrating at times but i love that she loves to cuddle. My lil Alice is only 14 weeks old.