Mr. Bond hid the whole first week. He knows kittens all too well, and was afraid he would get his head tackled when he was trying to nap.
Olwyn was afraid this much bigger cat, who was sending unfriendly signals, would be hostile to her.
How did these two, (that’s Olwyn on the left, James Bond on the right,) who are separated in age by over a decade, and who got off on the wrong foot… become friends?
We were able to shape the situation by understanding the signals these cats sent to each other.
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When Olwyn hissed, and James Bond ran away, I was not upset by this encounter. Olwyn’s reaction meant she knew what Mr. Bond was broadcasting, so I was happy she showed good social understanding. These two cats could communicate.
If I had overreacted to this first meeting, I would have sent the cats the signal that your interactions distress me. We don’t want that, when all they were doing was setting ground rules for each other.
Olwyn was able to respect Mr. Bond’s wishes to be left alone because she had RJ to play with. Once Mr. Bond realized Olwyn was not harassing him, he was more likely to interact with her, and discovered that Olwyn was polite and eager to make friends.
Every step of the way, we praised them when they would make and receive gestures of friendship. There was no more hissing. We would find little Olwyn curled up on Mr. Bond’s tail, her sly way of making contact while making it look like an accident.
RJ & Olwyn had a lot of natural advantages, sharing a mutual interest in play. But their greatly disparate sizes led to us stepping in often during their early friendship.
Here’s how to know if it’s Fun or Fuss:
How quiet is it? Happily playing cats are Quietly playing cats. Yowls, growls, and hissing are signs someone is getting too rough. We must tell the quiet one (the guilty party) that they have to be nicer, and defend the noisy party (the complainer who is always right) if they want to stop playing and leave.
But the quiet one isn’t always wrong, if all they are doing is asking for more play than the other cat wants to provide. If one cat needs more play, we must step in and provide it.
How fair is it? RJ didn’t realize he was massively outweighing little Olwyn, who would always complain if he sat on her or otherwise threw his weight around. Now, RJ is very considerate, even though Olwyn is much bigger, to the point that he won’t get rowdy if Olwyn is around.
Since he needs to go all out sometimes, we make sure she doesn’t hog the best toys. Even if we have to lock her in the bathroom with a different toy for a while.
How mutual is it? If all we had was baby Olwyn and senior James Bond, the difference in their playing styles would have led to unhappiness on both sides. Most kittens will play together, even if they have disparate personalities, because their interest in Play is so strong at that age. Most senior cats can get along, even if they have disparate personalities, because older cats are less demanding of each other. Napping nearby can be all the closeness they desire.
A cat who harasses can be just as guilty, or innocent, as the cat who hides. Each cat only asks for what they need.
It’s up to us to make up for anything the other cats can’t supply.
This post was about how our new kitten is fitting into a family of two humans, and two Beta boys of widely varying age. See all my Olwyn posts.
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There’s more about multiple cats in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See more posts on the MULTIPLE CAT ADVANTAGE.
