Again..although I know it was the right thing, it is still too new and I’m in mourning. Grateful for all the years we had with her…she played and ran and loved to sleep on my lap. She’d get me up at 5:30 AM and patiently wait for me to get to the kitchen for “breakfast.” A couple dogs who visited where put in their place by her hisses when she was a youngster. So many good memories, but such a very tough decision for me to let her go. She’s now at peace.

WereBear, you are right, my worry was probably mostly grief-driven.

Also, about the cat-only clinic – our town has one and we switched to it many years ago. Our previous vet was not too competent with cats which we found out the hard way. The cat-only clinic is awesome, staffed by devoted Cat Persons and since our cats aren’t used to dogs their absence at the vet is a nice bonus.

It does help to be more prepared.

I’ll have two more posts on this very subject; because it is such a big one. They will be on Sundays.

Naamah, I agonized over the exact same issue – even though I’d know I was doing the right thing, how could I bring myself to take them on that final trip? When Daemon was in the final stages of kidney failure I asked the vet about this, and brought up our concerns: Daemon was terrified of all Other Humans and very upset in the car. One of our other cats gets very carsick and panics in the car. She said that she doesn’t do house calls but did give us a strong sedative shot that we could give Daemon at home, when we decided his time had come. One day about a month later, he wouldn’t eat and by the time I finally got him to eat some tuna that evening, he was acting strange and couldn’t move one leg. We gave him the shot while he was distracted by the tuna. It took effect so fast that he fell over and couldn’t get up if he tried, and seemed relaxed, remaining so through the trip and procedure. He definitely seemed better off than he would’ve been without the sedative, but part of me still frets: what if it just immobilized his body but left his mind intact to be terrified? Is there any real way to know? I don’t remember the name of the drug but will definitely ask about it and see if there are any other options, the next time something like this comes up when talking to our vet.

It’s hard on us owners to bring up these experiences, but that’s the only way we can compare notes and learn about options to help our pets. This was the first time I had to make The Decision; as my previous pets had belonged to my parents. When it was getting close, I did some searching on the web and read others’ stories of what it is like to be there at the end with your pet. It helped to be more prepared.

I don’t know how to ask.

I understand your worries, Naamah, but it’s the kind of thing that is helped by taking action. Start with the vet you have now; or, if you are between vets, just start calling. Say you have a cat with these fears, and what help they can offer.

Discovering how they react to your concerns is going to be very instructive about how helpful they will be with them. I’m assertive; I hire them, after all!

Remember that vets also have an ethical obligation; they will find it difficult to answer some of the questions if they have never seen the cat. But I live in a tiny town, and there’s a vet here who makes housecalls. Looking for an ad or website which mentions such a service would be a great place to start.

Another new trend I’m very happy about is cat-only vet clinics. See if your area has such a service.

You have to unfreeze from your fears and take action; so you can see what can be done about your cat’s fears.

One of my clues that my beloved Myron was having a hard time was that instead of relaxing on my lap, he would stay tucked in and tense, and dig his claws into my knee. His personality didn’t change, but his body language was communicating distress.

I picked up Mr. Bond for a cuddle one time, and he made a distressed little noise; though otherwise his behavior was unchanged. But I knew I hadn’t picked him up badly, and it turned out he had a tooth in bad shape; not anywhere near where I was picking him up.

Thanks for the compliment; it has been very cathartic to help others on a subject that doesn’t get near enough coverage.

My only real fear, and it’s very real and very upsetting to me, is that both of my cats are terribly, terribly afraid of the vet’s office, of the car, of the carrier, everything. I can’t . . . I just . . . I can’t bear the thought of taking them on such a terrifying and horrible journey only to have them put down at the end of it, with no homecoming, no comfort, no recourse of any kind.

I know my girls. They adore me. But my presence alone has never been, and probably never will be, enough to comfort them when they are in terror like that. The idea that they may at that point be suffering so greatly that going to the Worst Place and dying there is a mercy is comfort colder than anything I can think of. It is the absolute zero of cold comfort.

My youngest cat, she doesn’t have that fear. She’s happy, she’s fearless, she never met a person she didn’t like. My eldest . . . what does one do? Not for us, not for our pain — my pain means nothing to me, I will always be there fo rmy babies, even to make that last awful decision — but for them, and for their fear? I don’t know how to find a vet who would come to my home and do it. I don’t know how to ask.

Ah, see, I’m crying now. You are wonderful, and you are strong for writing about these things so near to such a time. We are all grateful. You are right. We don’t get much instruction on dealing with issues like this.