The heart of the dilemma is absent when a cat meets their demise through misadventure or a sudden terminal episode. While, being human, we search for ways we could have averted this situation, we did not directly cause it to come about.
When our cat is very elderly or very ill, we must make the decision. That is how we become tormented by doubts about making it.
But the very thing that makes this problem seemingly so difficult also contains the seed of what will soothe us.
It is a matter of responsibility.
Since cats live in a World They Did Not Make, we are responsible for supporting their lives from the very beginning. We gladly took on the responsibilities of mealtime, playtime, and cuddle time; yes, even litter time. Our reward was the enjoyment we reaped from their happiness and contentment.
We know what makes them happy. We know what makes them unhappy.
So when a course of unhappiness, such as an illness and the ensuing medical treatment, will not be short, and does not hold the promise of our cat regaining their health; it is our responsibility to once again, and for a final time, make our cat happy.
This is what gets us through The Decision.
If Mr WayofCats and I had theoretical millions of dollars, we could have had our sick cat Puffy admitted to the animal hospital for tests, and found out exactly what was causing his seizures. If it had confirmed the first probable diagnosis, a brain tumor, we could have then flown him to a veterinary college who does the advanced brain surgery he would have required. If it was the second probable diagnosis, progressive neurological disease, we could have embarked on the constantly moving target of balancing his drug dosages with periodic blood tests and adjusting them as he seesawed between still having seizures and being near-comatose.
We could have visited him in the animal hospital, patted his little head, remark on how glad he was to see us, and leave him, feeling like we were “doing all we could.”
When I put it like that; the decision doesn’t look so difficult, does it? Which is why, even if we had actual millions of dollars, we wouldn’t have done it.
It would have been done to make us feel better, not Puffy.
There are many chronic conditions which involve some daily discomforts for our cat. Diabetes requires monitoring their diet and administering shots. Kidney disease can be handled with home infusion techniques. I’ve had several cats who required a daily pill or a bit of extra procedure, and could then be “normal.” In such circumstances, where the treatment itself is onerous, but brief; our cat can continue to lead their life. Veterinary science has many such management techniques, and I think that’s wonderful.
There are also blind cats, deaf cats, cats missing a leg or have some degree of paralysis; once they weather the precipitating incident, they are no longer in pain, they figure out how to negotiate the world, and they go on. We might feel sorry for such cats, but they do not feel sorry for themselves. They accept their condition; indeed, they may have known no other. These are not suffering cats.
But when we are confronted with a long, tricky, course of treatment with a low probability of success; we must remember that the cat’s feelings should take top consideration. A cat in a perpetual state of discomfort or apprehension is not a happy cat; even if they are still alive.
It’s not even a matter of money, though for most of us that is a sad consideration. It is what we will get for the money.
When Puffy was eight, we noticed an attack of drooling and bad breath which prompted a vet visit. What was supposed to be a routine teeth cleaning turned into a request for emergency surgery. We said Yes; he would have a quick recovery, there was a high probability it had been caught in time, and he would not have any challenges if he made it.
We said Yes even though the emergency turned out to be caused by a congenital condition which confirmed my suspicions that Puffy was the sad product of “backyard breeding,” in this case, the rare and expensive Chantilly/Tiffany breed. We didn’t know what genetic landmines might explode in the future; but he wasn’t showing any other signs of trouble; that we recognized.
Looking back, the fact that he routinely drooled over treat time masked his hidden fang infections. It was this same “Puffy behavior pattern” that masked our realization of what would lead to his final illness; he would go blank for a few seconds now and then; sometimes he would lose track of his tongue and it would flap around until we petted his head and reoriented him, and those paw twitches weren’t the normal cat “shaking water off” action that cats use to express disgust. They were all signs that his genetic problems were deeper than malformed teeth.
But still; he was happy. He could go about his little Puffy business. It’s not like he was operating heavy machinery. Even if we had known he had untreatable, progressive, genetic problems, they weren’t causing him suffering.
A broken leg, a simple heart defect, or injuries caused by an accident can be repaired. Kidney disease, hormonal deficits, or neurological illnesses like epilepsy and senile dementia can sometimes be managed.
But if they can’t be fixed very well; if they lead to a lot of invasive followup, or need drugs with awful side effects, or even a best case scenario leaves our cat fearful and apprehensive of a painful attack or puts them in a chronic state of bewilderment and confusion– we must consider if we are no longer acting on our cat’s behalf.
We must always guard against acting out of our own desire to not lose our cat.
When Puffy was not having seizures, he was still Puffy. But not a happy Puffy. He was injuring himself, and the pain of that would linger. Worse yet, we could tell he was in a perpetual state of of fear over it happening again.
With all signs of it stemming from something that would worsen, and thus defeat attempts to manage it; we came to The Decision.
We weren’t happy about The Decision. But we were not riddled with doubt about the rightness of The Decision.
We were acting in the best interests of the cat.
So when we are faced with this situation, we can find clarity and peace by using our rational mind to weight the pros and cons; and using our emotional heart to ask, Am I delaying The Decision just because I can’t stand to say goodbye?
If we find truth in that thought:
It’s time.
The toughest part of having a cat is deciding to say goodbye. Find help in my posts on coping with end of life issues.
Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more ways to care for our cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my posts on mourning our cat.
My father died of cancer, and I have to agree with him: “The quality of life is more important than the quantity.” What good’s an extra year if you’re in pain? At least humans understand what’s happening and why–cats don’t.
But it’s a terrible decision to have to make. I really hope my kids die of old age in their sleep, just as I hope I do. But I’m also going to get a Living Will. If I can’t speak for myself, I want someone else to know what to do and stop my suffering.
Pammy, you made the hardest decision anyone can face about any loved one, human or otherwise, and you made the right one.
that was a beautifully written blog….one that i will re-read when decision time comes again….i know it will help guide me….
Bill, totally agree with your father (I’m sorry you lost him in such a way.) We all have that worry. Good for you that you are thinking ahead.
Thanks, catlindy. I hope it will help people. In some ways, we get so little moral training about wrestling with such issues.
Thank you for such a well-written article on the most difficult part of having pets.
With cats their quality of life can be very hard to gauge because they are so good at hiding pain and discomfort, in Daemon’s last few weeks we just had to trust our vet’s advice on whether he was in pain. He was such a sweet old soul that he didn’t ask for more than a lap and a neck scratch to be happy even though he was frail, blind and fighting a losing battle with kidney failure.
Thank you for this. My eldest two are aging, and it won’t be long before I have to deal with this.
My only real fear, and it’s very real and very upsetting to me, is that both of my cats are terribly, terribly afraid of the vet’s office, of the car, of the carrier, everything. I can’t . . . I just . . . I can’t bear the thought of taking them on such a terrifying and horrible journey only to have them put down at the end of it, with no homecoming, no comfort, no recourse of any kind.
I know my girls. They adore me. But my presence alone has never been, and probably never will be, enough to comfort them when they are in terror like that. The idea that they may at that point be suffering so greatly that going to the Worst Place and dying there is a mercy is comfort colder than anything I can think of. It is the absolute zero of cold comfort.
My youngest cat, she doesn’t have that fear. She’s happy, she’s fearless, she never met a person she didn’t like. My eldest . . . what does one do? Not for us, not for our pain — my pain means nothing to me, I will always be there fo rmy babies, even to make that last awful decision — but for them, and for their fear? I don’t know how to find a vet who would come to my home and do it. I don’t know how to ask.
Ah, see, I’m crying now. You are wonderful, and you are strong for writing about these things so near to such a time. We are all grateful. You are right. We don’t get much instruction on dealing with issues like this.
That’s an excellent point about how well cats hide their pain, Mel.
One of my clues that my beloved Myron was having a hard time was that instead of relaxing on my lap, he would stay tucked in and tense, and dig his claws into my knee. His personality didn’t change, but his body language was communicating distress.
I picked up Mr. Bond for a cuddle one time, and he made a distressed little noise; though otherwise his behavior was unchanged. But I knew I hadn’t picked him up badly, and it turned out he had a tooth in bad shape; not anywhere near where I was picking him up.
Thanks for the compliment; it has been very cathartic to help others on a subject that doesn’t get near enough coverage.
I understand your worries, Naamah, but it’s the kind of thing that is helped by taking action. Start with the vet you have now; or, if you are between vets, just start calling. Say you have a cat with these fears, and what help they can offer.
Discovering how they react to your concerns is going to be very instructive about how helpful they will be with them. I’m assertive; I hire them, after all!
Remember that vets also have an ethical obligation; they will find it difficult to answer some of the questions if they have never seen the cat. But I live in a tiny town, and there’s a vet here who makes housecalls. Looking for an ad or website which mentions such a service would be a great place to start.
Another new trend I’m very happy about is cat-only vet clinics. See if your area has such a service.
You have to unfreeze from your fears and take action; so you can see what can be done about your cat’s fears.
Great advice WereBear, as always!
Naamah, I agonized over the exact same issue – even though I’d know I was doing the right thing, how could I bring myself to take them on that final trip? When Daemon was in the final stages of kidney failure I asked the vet about this, and brought up our concerns: Daemon was terrified of all Other Humans and very upset in the car. One of our other cats gets very carsick and panics in the car. She said that she doesn’t do house calls but did give us a strong sedative shot that we could give Daemon at home, when we decided his time had come. One day about a month later, he wouldn’t eat and by the time I finally got him to eat some tuna that evening, he was acting strange and couldn’t move one leg. We gave him the shot while he was distracted by the tuna. It took effect so fast that he fell over and couldn’t get up if he tried, and seemed relaxed, remaining so through the trip and procedure. He definitely seemed better off than he would’ve been without the sedative, but part of me still frets: what if it just immobilized his body but left his mind intact to be terrified? Is there any real way to know? I don’t remember the name of the drug but will definitely ask about it and see if there are any other options, the next time something like this comes up when talking to our vet.
It’s hard on us owners to bring up these experiences, but that’s the only way we can compare notes and learn about options to help our pets. This was the first time I had to make The Decision; as my previous pets had belonged to my parents. When it was getting close, I did some searching on the web and read others’ stories of what it is like to be there at the end with your pet. It helped to be more prepared.
Ah, Mel, don’t worry. If he acted relaxed, he was relaxed. If they are under stress, they try to manage “cool.” I’m sure you are right about how he felt; weren’t you pretty good at that? So please be at peace about, after all, handling it so well.
It does help to be more prepared.
I’ll have two more posts on this very subject; because it is such a big one. They will be on Sundays.
For Naamah, I’m following up because I learned more about the sedative I mentioned. I was at the vet today with our youngest cat, so I asked about something to give our worst traveler, Robie, next time he goes in the car. The vet recommended a less-intense dose of the sedative she gave for Daemon for his final trip, so I learned that it is Acepromazine. She asked if shots or pills would be better, explaining that the pills take an hour to take effect, whereas I’d already seen the shot is immediate. For Robie’s routine vet trips I elected pills, since it only takes one person to give him a pill. I asked what to expect, and she said it should just take the edge off his anxiety and that I might see his inner eyelids, indicating he’s very sleepy. The dose that had mostly immobilized Daemon was much higher because it was intended for his final trip and she wanted to make sure the effects would last long enough in case he ended up having to go after-hours at our town’s emergency vet clinic, which he did. So, that was all very good to learn!
WereBear, you are right, my worry was probably mostly grief-driven.
Also, about the cat-only clinic – our town has one and we switched to it many years ago. Our previous vet was not too competent with cats which we found out the hard way. The cat-only clinic is awesome, staffed by devoted Cat Persons and since our cats aren’t used to dogs their absence at the vet is a nice bonus.
After much angst, yesterday I had my 20 1/2 year old cat put to sleep. She was having kidney failure, sores in her mouth, ate less than 1/4 cup of food all week, wobbly back legs, and was deaf. To let her go was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made. My daughter drove, this was her first cat, and I held Spice on my lap. It was a beautiful day, the sunroof was open and the sun was shining and warm breezes lightly ruffled her hair. I was scratching her head and she was completely relaxed. Of course I was a mess and still am. She was so peaceful after the doctor’s shot, no response to the medicine except slipping away while I was there for her.
Again..although I know it was the right thing, it is still too new and I’m in mourning. Grateful for all the years we had with her…she played and ran and loved to sleep on my lap. She’d get me up at 5:30 AM and patiently wait for me to get to the kitchen for “breakfast.” A couple dogs who visited where put in their place by her hisses when she was a youngster. So many good memories, but such a very tough decision for me to let her go. She’s now at peace.
Kay, I hope you can be at peace, too. You gave her a wonderful life.
I have just come across this as I try to find answers to “cat” questions. We adopted our little friend when we were told he was about 4, same age as our daughter, perfect fit. As we all have read above and experinced in one way or another life does end.
We adopted to help teach our child responsibilty and care for animals, as a married couple we have had 3 dogs, 2 cats and a hammie.
When my wife was diagnosed, treated and eventually I had to make that decision I think how my daughter would react. She knows her mom was sick and that I somehow had to save her but couldn’t. The choice…how do I tell my little girl the cat is sick nad cannot be helped? I am struggling with this and truthfully would just as soon open the door and let him out into the world I saved him from..but?
I am unable to afford a regular vet visit let alone any type of treatment…am I doing the right thing, who knows but when
hw went for her face tonight my mind was made up.
I hope your little girl wasn’t hurt. It is right to stop the cat’s hurting, that is the best you can do. I’m sorry about your wife. It makes these decisions all the more difficult when we have too many to make.
Thank you so much for this blog post and the others about how to cope with the end of life. You are so right – the decision is the hardest part. Ginger has been valiantly battling kidney failure for months, but the ravages of the illness coupled with old age (she’s 18) have become more than her little body can compensate for. She is not in pain, but is now blind and confused and I don’t want her to be afraid. I cried for hours…days…but last night when I knew I had to face that choice, I found these posts and found comfort. Now that the decision is made I can face it and make these final days the best they can be for my precious kitty. Saturday she will cross the Rainbow Bridge and wait for me there.
thank you. You’ve helped me come to terms with my decision, though it breaks my heart.
Thank you all for the help and comfort this blog has given me. We adopted an abandoned kitty that people a few streets over left when they moved. They neutered him, declawed (hideous) him and left him. Being out there with a couple of ferals gave him FIV and after nearly 5 years of doing well – he is probably in his teens – we are faced with the decision. He is seizing regularly and now his chest is filling with fluid making breathing tough. I let him sleep on his favorite spot next to the pool today and I was right there – but he seized and fell in. A trip to the vet and he rebounded a bit and is eating, but after four seizure free days (which happened after we ceased all meds – they were only making it worse it seemed) he is now having them all afternoon. He still purrs, butts his head, and last night he even jumped in bed with us and slept on me. He is a tough old guy, but I know I have to do this and likely tomorrow. It breaks my heart. We have tried everything – have saved his eye three times due to recurring infections, treated his hyperthyroidism, and cooked him chicken when all else failed. We still don’t know if he infected our other kitty – who was here first, but by the time we knew of the FIV it wouldn’t have made a difference – and what would I do different if I knew? Nothing, just love them and care for them as best I can. It is hard to make the decision when they are eating (not much), using the box, and still purring for you but seeing him seize and how much it takes out of him is more than we can take. His quality of life is limited now and there is no hope so I guess I need to face that I have to be strong and do this for HIM not keep him alive for me. I love the beginning, middle and end with my pets – but the end is definitely the worst. I don’t want to do it too soon – but my daughter told me tonight we can’t let him go on looking so miserable. That did it. My vet will do a home visit tomorrow most likely. I still feel so awful and hate that I have to make the call.
I am at the point where I know it may time. Majerle is 17 years old and has been been with me since July 1994. He has made four major moves with me and has always been the contast companion. He is hyperthyroid, has lost half his weight, has trouble walking. The other night, he fell on the stairs and now limps. My wish is that he would pass quietly while sleeping. I just don’t want to make a decision too soon.
Just lost my sambucca after18 yrs. Her last week was horrible to watch, not eating, drinking, etc, but she continued to cuddle and purr.
I will love and miss her forever. She was our baby.
R I P Sammy
My Sammy started having similar problems in the past 2 weeks, I just prayed she would go soon without pain.I found her where she had been sleeping, so I believe she passed in her sleep.
God bless you and Majerle.
Kay S. You said exactly what I’ve been saying: please die peacefully so I don’t have to live with the guilt that “I” did it. I had to put another cat, and a dog to sleep and while I know it was the right thing, I feel like a murderer. I’m so distraught right now because I have to put my lovely cat, Ermine to sleep. She has skin cancer on her nose and now it’s preventing her from eating and drinking properly. The sad thing is she seems FINE, still likes to go out, roll around, purr, but meal time is a disaster. She has a tough time. I am thinking it’s time but not sure exactly when. The sore on her nose is spreading and looking horrible. I am managing pain with transdermal cream but it’s not enough. The vet recommended just treating with steroid cream (same transdermal) but it just made her fur fall out on her front legs. She is going downhill rapidly but I can’t figure out if it’s “time.” I can’t stop crying, but found great comfort in this blog. So thank you.
A murderer acts with malice; you are acting from love, Susan.
Thanks Pamela. I think i’m going to head home soon and buy a 1/4 of rare roast beef and hand feed it to my little girl who has been such a great companion for 16 years. Then I suppose I’ll make the appointment. The good news is I know a small animal vet who has a mobile unit and makes house calls. She said she can lay right down on the bed with her. I’d love to be able to post a picture for you to see her!
Sadly, today I put Ermine to sleep. I am so distraught that I feel like fainting. i feel guilt and sadness and wonder if I should have waited? Maybe until she was officially incapacitated? But I didn’t want to do that to her. It was a very difficult time; she fought the sedation, fought everything which made me feel so sad and guilty. How do you know, if it doesn’t feel right? I wish i had more time with her.
I put my 14 yr old Koala down a week ago today [posted elsewhere]. I too wondered if I should have waited – I wondered for several days…even after she ‘came home’. She “looked ok” but her eyes. Her eyes, the windows to her beautiful soul and to her pain. She would look at me with such pain in her eyes – I could see it because it looked like the pain I see in human eyes if they have a migraine or some painful illness. This is what helped me. I decided to look at some old pictures as she was growing up and some taken recently – up until the day before she went away. Last year at this time she was sitting at the window full of curiousity watching her birds and squirrels. Last winter not so much…more laying about. Over the past few weeks in her pictures, she did not have the same life in her eyes. Always put her head down and could barely open her eyes.
Susan, I am so sorry you lost Ermine. With the cancer on her little nose and not being able to eat, as hard as it was, it was also a kindness. I held Koala and kissed her ears and talked to her, then put her in the box and took her to the Pet place. She came home Tuesday. Please look at pictures you have of Ermine from the old days and recent times, and enjoy the way she was and all the love she gave you.
I think our pets are only on ‘loan’ to us as we care for them and they teach us about love – unconditional love. Koala is the 3rd I have lost after a long life and it is not any easier than my first; in fact, it was much more difficult. Find peace in Ermine’s memories.
Danni and Susan H, thank you for your messages and support. I spoke with my vet prior to the holiday and he said to try and make it through the weekend. Today, I told my adult children to come over and say good bye. I have been reading everything I can to be sure it’s the right time. Like many, I am feeling guilt and I ask myself so many questions. It was 17 years ago this week that he became a part of the family. I am so sorry for everyone’s losses.
Today, July 7, Majerle, was tenderly put to sleep by a caring vet and his assistant. My adult children who have loved Majerle for half of their lives were present. We cried, we told stories of Majerle’s anctic’s, and caressed his tired, but brave body and soul. Majerle. . .May 24, 1994-July 7, 2011. . .rest in peace my furry companion.
I’m facing “The Decision” now with my cat. He has lymphoma, which was not caused by feline leukemia. Our vet was baffled, we were baffled, and now I think it’s getting to be time. I’ve never had to make “The Decision” before and it’s been hard. This post helped give me a reality check. Thank you!
I found out a few days ago my beloved cat of 15 years has kidney failure. My heart hurts so much knowing that he will never be better. I know that The Decision is around the corner. He doens’t eat and is now hiding from us. They gave me fluids and another medication for his tummy but he doesn’t seem to respond. I know its time. Just so hard to look into his eyes and say good bye. Thank God I came across this post. I have to look at it from his eyes. And he hurts.
Thank you so much for this blog and your posts. I just returned from making that final trip with Misty, my 18 year old siamese. She has been more or less in chronic kidney failure for about a year but until a few days ago though she had lossed considerable weight, was eating normally and anxious to be fed. Three days ago, she simply stopped eating. She could hardly walk and she just seemed so very sad. I took her to the vet two days ago and they said she was in end stages and maybe might get a few more months but probably wasn’t currently in any real pain. I was advised taking her to the veterinary clinic for iv fluids was her only real hope. I did that with the understanding they would keep her overnight and see if she responded to treatment. She did slightly but the doctor’s prognosis was she could maybe after 5 days totaling $2,000 get her to where she was before she came in but that she would still rapidly go downhill and be back likely in a few months in the same condition or worse.
About 15 years ago I made the decision to have my leg amputated because of a serious bone infection. Up until today that was the hardest decision I ever made (ultimately the best) Today was harder. Misty has been my companion for 18 years- I had to reach the incredibly painful conclusion that I could put myself in such debt I would be in danger, and ultimately condemn her t a final painful death as ultimately she would begin to suffer in her condition, or give her the gift of letting her go without having to go through that. I’ve never had to make this decision before and it has nearly killed me. But then I kept thinking, what was I saving her for – so I had someone to cuddle with at night- to “talk to” when I was alone? Would she ever be a happy cat again or just struggle to try and ‘stay” for me- I know financially the next time I couldn’t have done anything but let her go and they pretty much assured me that time would likely be in a few months. I never understood how hard this decision was for people, hoped I would never have to make it. Your blog and these posts give me comfort in knowing, I spared her from inevitable suffering to make ME feel better. I believe she knows that somewhere, it’s just so very hard! I’m crying as I write this.
Oh my. I have decided today to let go of my Precious. She is 23. She has been going downhill for about 6 mos. now. She can’t clean herself anymore, still eats lots of little meals a day and drinks lots of water. She pees places she never would have in the past. I think it’s because she can’t hold it long enough to get where she needs to. I have pads everywhere for her. She is so arthritic she wobbles when she stands and sleeps all the time. Her hearing is bad. She had all of her teeth up until now, but has lost most of them lately. In the last 2 days, her face looks puffy. As I’m writing this, suddenly I feel a little peace just by listing and admitting her condition. Who would want to live that way? I have always been an advocate for the quality of life and here I am allowing her to be old and wobbly. Just how I never want to be. I have been crying a while now, reading all these stories so lovingly shared, and mourning my decision. Unexpectedly, I have decided to not to wait for nature and show her I love her enough to let her go. I will contact a vet after the weekend unless I find one open on Saturdays. I’m usually very practical and realistic about these things but I want to thank you all for helping me realize it’s ok to be sad and cry. And it’s the right thing to “lay her to rest”.
My very old deaf cat is watching me as I write this. He is frail and wobbly but still eats and drinks well. In the last few months, he has been leaving cat messes all over the cellar, even tho his kttly litter is there and clean. He misses the box sometimes with pee, but that seems to be more that he is sitting near the edge. He has always been fastidious, so this change is sudden and alarming, as well as unhealthy for the family. I haven’t seen this addressed, but wonder if others have had this problem and what it means. It can’t go on much longer……
Hi, Just been reading this wonderful site, and it has given me a lot of strength. My little girl Ellie (14years 8 months) was diagnosed with bowel cancer on Thursday. She had lost weight and had trouble eating- food kept falling out of her mouth.She has also been sleeping outside under a bush, instead of coming to bed with me at night. Vet put her on steroids, and she is now eating ok, and even played with a mouse my other cat caught and generously gave to her. My dilemma is a week today I have to go away for a week, and so don’t want to risk not being around for her, so \I don’t know whether I am better to wait a little, or do it a little sooner, but know she has gone out on a high. Any help appreciated.
Thanks
Hi, im 14 (male) and my cat Groucho (male) is at the vet as i write this. he has stayed overnight for 2 nights now. He stayed at the vet earlier too. From what the vet said , my parents said its kidney failure. He has been going down hill for several weeks but just 2 weeks ago is when it got bad. He started vomiting and not eating. He would only drink ( not as much as normal) I knew it was bad but we finally brought him to the vet. Im gonna skip school tomorrow to see him one last time. I know the right thing is to put him down, but i just cant stand the fact that its gonna be the last time i ever see him until death. (im religious) I was really the only person he liked. I just want to be there for him, so he will have that last image of me.
… i just started crying
I just dont know what to do. Its so hard letting go of the only thing that didn’t judge me for what i looked like or how i acted. He was so good to me . I was so good to him. When my grandmother died, he was there for me; but now he’s gonna die , who will be there for me?
Im getting nauseous, my head hurts, and i feel sick as im about to puke. I cant stop yelling at the top of my lungs saying ” Why ? !!!!!!!!”. I just want the best for him but i am emotionally attached to him.
I know that he isn’t living a pain-free life right now. I just want him to be out of pain, but i don’t know if im gonna make the right decision tomorrow. These articles have made me cry till i start yelling at the sky. I DONT WANT HIM TO DIE.
Im so distraught , i really need mental help right now. ( i do not have mental problems ) Please God… Just make him better :,(
@Sam
I know how it feels at that age to lose your best kitty friend. It hurts, and it will for awhile. It’s OK to be sad, angry and yell at the sky. With time it will get easier. Always remember how much Groucho was there for you and those times will stand out for the rest of your life as wonderful memories of your bond with such a special kitty.
It’s a tough decision, but it’s clear from your love to Groucho that you’ll put his need for peace as the priority.
When you’ve had time to mourn, perhaps you can talk to your parents about getting another cat. When my childhood cat died, it took about 6 months to know I needed another furry companion in my life. When if feels right, you’ll know.
Best wishes to you during such a difficult time
@ Caroline
Thanks for the support . I have made the decision to put him down tomorrow. They say he is not going to get better and that he has only days to live. Kidney failure is a horrible way to die so i felt it necessary for him to go out with no pain.
School is gonna be so hard tomorrow. Originally i was gonna go see him, but I don’t want my last memory of him to be the image of him like a vegetable in pain. This so hard to write. I have 3 inside cats( one goes both in and outside ) , 2 outside cats, and 1 dog. Groucho was the closest to me.
I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I have to accept it though. Just the thought of him getting put down makes me cringe. I hope he just goes to sleep with no pain and just passes peacefully. I would never want to hurt him and i guess this is my way of saying i never would hurt him.
Really thanks for the support. I just can’t take it though. I still think its to soon or that he still has a chance. My parents said there’s no hope.
I wonder if i will regret not seeing him that one last time and saying goodbye…..
If you can be there, Sam, it can help both of you in future. See my post, How to Prepare for the Final Appointment, for help.
@Pamela
Its too late……. I wish i could have saw this in the morning ….
I lost my beloved 14 year old male cat, Rocky to Chronic Kidney Disease 3 years ago. The vet gave me medicines & special diet food & instructions, I cooked fresh chicken & minced it but he couldn’t eat anything. It was heartbreaking watching him, he wouldn’t come inside our apartment, just choosing to stay outside and his behaviour changed, he seemed to want to be higher up and sleeping on the table or in an old bowl. He couldn’t eat and was sick a lot. I made him as comfortable as possible and couldn’t believe my lovely big tiger (used to weigh about 1stone 4) had turned into skin and bones in less than 2 weeks. I was crying at work and in the end booked a day off to take him to the vet to have him put to sleep. The night before I was taking him he died in the night, I was devastated when I found him, I had stayed up with him until 4am. I still feel guilty that I let him suffer but I had believed with the diet and medication he could get a bit better. I loved him so much, but I still don’t know now if I was selfish not to have him put to sleep. Now his sister Chloe, who is 17 has just started choking, she has an appetite but can’t swallow and is sick. Her eyes have marks in them too and she is a bit wobbly on her legs and drooling. She has been in perfect health until now. I am trying to contact a vet today because I really cannot bear to see her go downhill as quick as Rocky did. I too am debating whether to put her through the last final journey, we don’t even have a cat box because it blew off the utility terrace in a storm the other week and smashed. So I am trying to ask a vet to come to our home, maybe hopefully she will have something that can be treated but I think at nearly 18 it may just be her time. I don’t think some people can understand how close you get to these loving furbeings. They give you love, affection and listen to all your problems. I do know one thing though, I nearly got a tabby that looked identical to Rocky trying to replace him, but I realised that no cat would be the same and didn’t get another. It took a while but the pain does get less gradually, and I know I have go through it all again now. But I did put a memorium on a website for Rocky, this was free and helped me a lot. I hope you all feel better soon, especially you Sam, please try to get closer to your other cats. I was very close to Rocky, but the last 3 years with Chloe on her own brought us closer together and she became a very good listener. Take care
I’m facing the decision as I write. Thank you for this blog and to all who have posted. Max is only 12 but has so many chronic issues. When he was a kitten, someone beat him up, punched him in the head and snapped his tail in two. As a result, he’s suffered from nerve damage, arthritis, kidney problems, etc. His back legs are going now, his weight’s dropped and he’s drinking like a fiend. If I take him back to the vet, it’s going to be a barrage of tests and more meds. I can tell he’s in pain. I just can’t do it to him. I know he’s on his way to a better place. Oh my goodness, this is hard.
Hello, I sadly had to my cat Pickles to sleep on Saturday evening. I rescued him about 4.5years ago and thought he was only about 6, but turns out he was between 10 and 15 according to the vet. He used to be quite a tubby cat and the vet told me he had to lose weight so I put him on a diet. He lost weight but then just continued to lose weight. He started peeing in different places apart from his litter tray and then started drinking loads of water. I took him to the vets and they did tests and its turned out it was his kidneys, he was on a drip for 4 days but he wouldnt eat or drink anything so the vet agreed to let him come home to see if he would eat and drink. He picked up for a couple of days and then just refused to eat or drink anything. He kept lying in his litter tray and I dont know why. He never looked like he was in pain, until Saturday. He was lying down in his litter tray with his face in the litter and was letting out the most horrible cries that I have ever heard. He hadnt eaten or drunk anything for 2 or 3 days and he lost so much weight he only weighed about 2kg. I know it was time to let him go, it was one of the most horrible things I have had to do and I miss him so much. He was my little baby boy and he helped me through alot of things in the past 4.5 years like my depression etc. I know deep down I did the right thing for him but I cant help but think I could have and should have done more
. RIP Pickles my gorgeous orange boy x
My Jerry is about 16 years old and I keep going back and forth on whether it is time to have him put down. Up until about 1 year ago he was fairly active and ate regularly. 6 months ago he stopped eating and drinking water for almost a week. He was already skinny at that point, but lost another 5 pounds bringing him down to 4 or 5 pounds. A very traumatic (for him) trip to the vet showed that he had a very severe case of constipation. The vet gave him fluids and ‘cleaned’ him out. He has never gained any of the lost weight back. Now he will only eat a very specific canned food, and only if it is watered down. He is always hungry and is fed at least 5 times a day, but once in a while quits eating for days at a time. He seems to be using the litter box much more frequently and in the last few weeks has gone from drinking very little to drinking large amounts of water at a time. He still wants to be held and cuddled, but spends most of his time either sleeping or laying in odd positions just staring at the ground. He also seems to have lost his meow. He used to have an incredibly loud yowl, which he used to wake me up in the mornings. Now he just sort of croaks, or opens his mouth to meow, and nothing comes out. It is just so hard. I feel as if my kitty is sad and unhappy unless I am holding him, but I don’t know if that is just me not adjusting well to my baby boy aging or if he really is ready to go. I can’t afford to take him to the vet and have tons of tests run on him to find out if he has some kind of illness. Add to that the fact that if he has a treatable or manageable illness, he hates medications. I have spent weeks agonizing over this decision. One day I’ll decide its time, the next he will jump into my lap and I convince myself I am over reacting. I keep hoping that if he is ready to go, it will happen in his sleep at home. The car and the vet’s office has always been a source of terror for him, and the idea of putting him through that panic and terror just before he dies is almost harder to handle than actually losing him.
I am a Brit who has been living abroad and came back from Vancouver, Canada yesterday after 11 months away from the family home. When I left I feared that would be the last time I saw my then 16 year old cat who has suffered diabetes, scratched eyes and diseased gums over the years but has always pulled through successfully with no need for continuous medication on the bank of unwavering financial support and more love than most cats will ever see in their lifetimes.
However, my mother warned me he was eating less, that he was cleaning himself less and unable to go to the toilet in his litter tray all the time. He couldn’t climb the window sill he loved; he could barely scramble onto the sofa any more.
I got back to the family home today at noon to find a far thinner, far more ragged looking but ultimately happy cat purring and lying in the garden.
7 hours later, I woke him at the top of the stairs. He meowed at me three times and purred. He had an almighty roar when I left; now it was weak and lifeless. I followed him down the stairs. He paused and he had a seizure.
We knew we had to take him to the vet, but this time it was different. Every other decision to pay a visit to the vet filled me with concern for my Cat and, admittedly selfishly, my bank balance. This time was very different. There was no concern for myself, there was only utter devastation. I knew it was time.
He seemed to perk up later, but we knew that when the vet offered us the inevitable slew of medications to prolong his life at his impending appointment that he was at the point where it wouldn’t help him anymore. We were also terrified of him dying in the night in pain with noone awake to comfort him.
The vet listened and offered tests but told us that only we would know when the inevitable had to happen. I asked for her professional opinion and she only said “I think it’s time”.
Today was the first time I saw Harvey in 11 months. It was also my last. He died tonight in the treatment room at the age of 17. I cannot believe it. I am ultimately happy with the decision knowing he had owners who loved him as much as we do any relative, but I keep getting sporadic bouts of tears knowing the friend I had since I was 7 is gone. I am simulatenously devastated and happy. But when I feel sad I remind myself that he didn’t suffer pain, he simply enjoyed a sleep in the presence of his family.
Princess Snowshoe of Canon Spring – my cat of 18 years will be going to the Vet for the very last time today. She’s no longer able to care for herself due to advanced renal failure. For the last month, she’s surviving on subcutaneous fluids and Vitamin injections, and the best care we could give her. But she’s not getting better… and wouldn’t…couldn’t. With heavy heart and kind thoughts, we’ve made the necessary decision. We thank her for giving us a lifetime of happiness; her companionship when we’re lonely, her playfulness when we’re bored, her warmth and comfort when we’re unwell – resting her furry paws next to our skin and calming us with her thunderous purr… Snowshoe will forever live in our memory.
thanks to all for sharing.
I am thankful for this blog, although I am still distraught over the decision to put my kitty to sleep. Everything I read about cats and kidney disease are about cats that are older. The problem is my kitty is only five years old. My kitty is not doing well at all. I have taken her to the vet several times and they told me she may have had kidney disease since she was a kitten, because she has always consumed a lot of water on a daily basis. My kitty still purring and meows at me when I come near her. However, she is peeing every where other than her litter box, she is not eating, she dropped from 14 pounds to 8 lb, she is excessively drinking, she can only drink her food (which I blend to a puree), and she is laying in one spot in my husbands home office for most of the day. I keep thinking there is something I can do to make her better. I also keep thinking there is something that I could have done better to make her not sick now. Also, it pains me to think of putting her to sleep because she is so young, and she purrs so much. I feel like I am not doing everything possible to help her but I don’t know what else I can do. I feel bad that she is so miserable but feel even worse to put her to sleep before her time. I am distraught about this decision. Everything I read is about older cats and I think it would be just a little easier for me if she had had a full life but she is only five. It seems there are only, stays in a vet hospital, IV’s and syringe feeding for my kitty’s future. I don’t think it is fair to have her live like that and only get a bit of improvement in her quality of life, and not receive a good prognosis for a longer life. My mind keeps swiching from “put her to sleep, it’s better for her” and “don’t put her to sleep because she might get better and if you put her to sleep you will be taking her life too soon.” So confused!
We have a 15 year old diabetic cat, Tigger. I think we are trying to decide if it is time. He has been in and out of the vets office for about 2 years with the diabetes. He’s lost weight but not tons. Our biggest problem is that not only is he peeing outside of the litter box (everywhere) he is pooping too. Ewww. I don’t think I can handle this anymore with my very active 3 year old daughter. What if I miss a pee or poop spot and she stumbles into it? I feel like, do we want to put him down because he is old and sick or do we want to put him down because he is really becoming a pain. Such a hard decision. What should we do??
He is signaling for help with his litter box behavior. So if his distress cannot be alleviated, and it sounds like you and the doctor have tried, then he is in pain. He’s not doing it to be a pain, of course.
Glad I found this blog. I found out today that my cat has a mass on her heart. I am struggling to let her go. She could die tonight or in a month. She is only 10 years old. 11 years ago my last cat died of cancer as well. I was not able to let her go so I do not want this cat to die hooked up to machines trying to get every last day out of her life.
I know what I need to do I just need to find the strength to do it.
Thanks for your blog.
Ive just stumbled on this site and I’ve read for a few. Hours pin and of in between crying on Monday coming I am making a heartbreaking decision to let my companion of over 16 years go to sleep for ever he would of been nineteen in may coming and it’s been one. Of thee most heartbreaking. Decisions I’ve. Ever had to make Casper has been through so. Much with me and it’s rippin g my heart in two about Monday coming up but I know. I am doing the right thing I just wanted some advice over how Tito handle things with. My daughter who is 11 Casper had loads of infected teeth out a few years ago and the last two years he’s been ok but the last two months.He’s been going down. Hill he struggles to get down from anything he’s sleeping so much I can tell he’s in pain on his back legs Cus he’s so sensitive around that. Area he’s just eating small amounts and I know the kindist and final thing I can do first him is let. Him go thanks xx
Thanks so much for posting this story. My cat Sweetie is 13 and her health is failing. I am taking her to the Vet for possibly her last visit. I wish she could live forever, but I don’t want her to suffer. Thank you for your words of inspiration.