I had to put him on a diet last year. At our vet visit I learned he has disarticulated knees on his hind legs that lock from time to time. I thought there was something going wrong. A three-legged cat with locking knees falls down a lot. The vet said he was overweight, which I did not realize, and that losing some weight would take the stress off of those knees. I restricted the amount of food he eats and stretch the feedings out to four times a day. He has lost that roll around his belly now and he is building the muscles to carry himself as he continues to grow. He is about a year and a half old so he has been on a diet for half of his life and spent a portion of his earliest weeks eating who knows what. Consequently, food has a lot of importance in his life. When it’s time for a meal I ask him if he is the Starvinator.

Our first-born baby is Chester P. Hands La Rue, because SHE loves to lay on Boyfriend’s chest, plus she used to stumble into her own cat business as a kitten. Nicknames are Chest, Cheebs, Cheebo, Chester the Molester (she loves to manipulate things with her paws), Sexy Girl (when she lies down with both feet straight back), and Tubbs (cuz’ she’s getting kind of chunky).

Our second-born is Heir Radio Heinrick Two-Stroke Coop, because he is a loud-mouthed, self-important Siamese who would purr after “two-strokes” as a kitten. “Coop” is after Agent Cooper from the old TV show Twin Peaks. His main name is Hank, for short. Known aliases include: Hankie, Hankie Pie, My Little Cream Puff, and Mister Meezer.

Our most recently adopted kitty is Elliott Tyrus Kikyo — after Elliott Smith (kitty has permanent “sad eyes”), Ty Cobb, and another little kitty at the pound that we would have adopted if we hadn’t met Elliott (I still get sad wondering what happened to Kikyo, but we just didn’t have the room for 4 cats). Elliott’s nicknames are: Elbow, Bo-bo, The El, My Little Coffee Cake, Cookie, Bucky, and Big-Big Tom-Tom (he is a large tomcat).

Yikes, I didn’t know this would become a dissertation, but I guess cat people love nicknames, too

Her full name–and what name is full without a middle one?–is Kill Kill Kamushka Young, with Young being my last name. Hey, she is my kid, right? She may think her name is either Killsy or Honey, as she hears those most. Before the diet food, she was called Pumpkin, and after it, Peanut, as that was how she was shaped (at first rather round when seen from above, then with a definite peanut-shape and a waist after). Scooter Pie was an early name, as she scooted around the house as a kitten. She was also known then as Underfootnik, as she always was. And she’s always been Small White, as she is small and all white.

Byron Bigfoot Young has many names based on his enormous polydactyl feet, such as Footie Boy and Thumb Guy. He has many more based on his behavior, like Monkey Man, Naughty Head and Monster Man. Also Buster, because…I dunno. It suits him.

Every cat needs a rapper name! Byron’s is Toemaster B, and Killsy’s Ghostface Kill Killah.

They both, however, immediately respond to the name “FOOD!”

I think that I probably have dozens of other names for them. Hey, other readers! What nicknames do you give your cats?