Since most people are not aware of what the rules are, they often break them, and take far too long to show themselves as worthy.
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Hissing, yowling, laid back ears, and a madly lashing tail are all clear signs of cat distress. But it is rare to get these whirling red lights in our home or a friend’s. When cats are in a happy home, they have learned to moderate their signals in the expectation that their people will understand.
Their people do. But new friends may not.
The first step in meeting a friend’s cat is to say hello to the cat, with their name if possible, and then mostly ignore them. Done to a person, this is rude. Done to a cat, it is polite. We should not presume upon, and take liberties with, a friendship that has not been established yet.
What we have done is show interest, and are now waiting for the cat to show interest. It’s their turn.
We can keep an eye on the cat to see if they are interested in us. We can send “cat kisses,” the slow blinks of friendship, when we make eye contact. We can dangle a hand where the cat can idly brush by if they want closeness.
None of this is necessary if our friend has a “greeter cat.” These are cats so confident of their people skills, and so interested in humans, that they will come forward and start a friendship. We need only accept their overtures and say nice things in a soft voice to make friends with this kind of cat.
If our friend has a wary cat, we probably won’t be accepted for quite a while. But this behavior will keep us on their good side, and not let us make a nuisance of ourselves, or get in trouble by misinterpreting a cat’s friendly, or unfriendly, gestures.
Having our friend put in a good word for us with the cat will greatly speed acceptance. To help our cat make our friends into theirs, we should talk about the friend’s kind qualities, introduce them by everyone’s name, and offer our friend toys or treats that can be gifts for the cat.
After all, if our friend would like to be a part of the cat’s life, they should contribute their care and attentions, just as they are asking the cat for affection and regard. The cat will want to see if our friend has anything to contribute to this new relationship.
Dexterity with a wand toy, or knowing where the treats are kept, establishes our friend as One Who Knows Useful Stuff, and can hold up their end in the proposed relationship.
Whether the new person is simply making a visit, or is a friend of the household who will be welcomed again and again, the cats need to know what we want of them in this situation before they can act on it as we would like. If we are the visitor, we can show respect for all the living beings in the household by using the cat’s Rules of Politeness.
Anthropologists know they will be accepted into their host culture more quickly and easily when they know and apply the etiquette appropriate to the situation. We can do the same thing.
We are a visitor in Cat World. Let us be a welcome one.
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