Every time I leave the house the kitten, (well, he’s half grown,) goes nuts crying and howling. Then when I come home, he’s messed with my favorite stuff. How can I make him stop?
Dear Reader:
He’s insecure.
more cat pictures
Whether they ever manifested anxiety before, the cat is showing it now. They need to be reassured that we love them, that we will come back, and there are things they can do that won’t get either of us in trouble.
Engaging the cat’s imagination will strengthen it, and help them imagine that we will come back, instead of worry that we won’t.
Cats who have experienced abandonment or deprivation are especially prone to have this anxiety surface even after years of smooth sailing. House construction, a lot of thunderstorms, household turmoil, or a trip to the vet; any of these and more can create an anxious, clingy, cat. It might be something that surfaces right away with a new kitten, or as a previously secure cat ages.
However and whenever it occurs, we should address the cause of the cat’s behavior. When they mess with our stuff, it is because they miss us, and seek out the things that represent us. We should create shared stuff that is permissible for them to use when we are gone.
It may seem a proof of affection that the cat misses us so. It is. But it is also an expression of anxiety. There are better ways for the cat to show they miss us. There are better ways of us caring for them than to let them stress out over our absences from home.
We can learn to look for subtler signs the cat misses us when we have the cat cope well with being left alone. Some cats feel happier with a cat companion. If possible, adopt a second cat, making sure they are compatible, and we will then have two cats who miss us.
But handle it well.
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My first kitten, Kill Kill, used to get very upset when I left for work. She immediately learned that “shoes mean leaving.” As I’d tie one shoe, she’d untie the other. I once had to to tie both my shoes four times before I could leave! She eventually learned an even deadlier tactic: moping. She made me feel so guilty about leaving her alone.
I found that the best way to stop this was to make her purr before I left, and the best way to do that was to pet and praise her, and then give her wet food and make a big fuss over giving it. She only gets it just before I leave, and right after I get home.
My other cat was abandoned at 2 weeks by his mother, and has real separation anxieties. If he wakes up and doesn’t immediately see Killsy, he begins screaming and won’t stop until she comes to him. He doesn’t like it when I leave, but he’s never freaked out when I do because I’ve always done the wet food ritual with him.
Neither cat begs for food at other times (unless I’m cooking something they love), so there hasn’t been a weight issue. Maybe they connect the wet food with “he leaves, but he always comes back.”
If there’s one bit of advice that Way of Cats has given me that always seems to work, it’s “make a fuss over the cat.” Every time I look back on my successes with them, I realize that that’s the most important part.
Ah, Bill, thank you.
It’s obvious that you’ve done a lot of things right. They love you very much.
But what about a cat that is just “clingy” all the time. Our cat, who happens to be quite over-weight, has recently started exhibiting very needy behavior. He is constantly wanting to be pet, and it is always at the most inopportune times. (Like when we sit down to eat.) And then, as soon as we start to pet him, he turns and walks off. But when he notices that we aren’t petting him, he turns around and comes back! How do we help him stop being so needy? I thought cats were supposed to be independent!
I would fix his overweight with canned food — grains is what makes cats fat. Check the labels on his food. It’s no coincidence that he’s asking for something while the humans are eating.
Grain products makes cats eat and eat and still be hungry.
I used to have a cat that would hop in my suitcase when I packed for trips. I didn’t go anywhere that often but I eventually resorted to using a box. However my little stowaway was smart and learned to look for hygiene products and whether clothes were going back in the dresser or coming out. She would sit on the pile of clothes as if to say, clothes, check. Toiletries, check, kitty, check.