The Way of Cats

A reader writes:

We’ve moved to a new house, and my other cats handled the move okay. But one cat is having issues. I’m paying special attention to him, but he still acts stressed out. What else can I do for him?

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Dear Readers,

Cats are territorial creatures, and removing them from their territory is always a difficult task. Some cats cope better than others, quickly establishing new routines and enjoying the exploration of their new territory. Some cats have a tougher time. They are the ones who derive security from predictability and routine, and not having either can take its toll.

We can, as my writer did, try soothing sprays like Feliway and do our best to set up their new dishes and litter as soon as we can. But there’s another option we can try. We can sympathize with their distress, share our own, and ask for their help.

Part of what makes cats happy in their homes is meshing with their territory, but also with their people. Talking to them, explaining to them, and asking them to do things we know will make them happy lets us make up for the lost home until they can have a total “safety net” built for them again.

By sympathizing, we let them know that we are having troubles, too. We can follow them into the kitchen and let them know that, yes, this kitchen is different, but look, there’s still food out. This is a new room for the litter box, but the litter box is the same. Go on to explain that your clothes are in a different closet and the couch is sitting in a new place. Yes, it’s tough when everything is new!

Shared troubles are always lighter. This is true for cats, too. There’s another psychological ploy we can use, which is that helping others lets us handle our own burdens better. So enlist the cat’s help in some task. It could be siting the food dishes just so, even if it’s an inch away from where they were. Follow them around and ask them where their new sleeping and hang out places should be.

Cats who eagerly establish themselves in new places are not dependent on our lead. But the stressed cat probably is. They want and need our involvement in settling into their new home, from knowing the new places to avoid to knowing the new places where they are welcome. When they first arrived in their old home, we took them on the “orientation tour,” teaching them what we expect and what makes us happy. They need us to start over and give them the tour for their new house.

For such cats, general concepts like “eat from the bowl, wherever it might be” is asking for too much independent thought when they are coping with so much insecurity. They love us and worry about making us unhappy, so they can be too cautious about jumping into a routine without us putting our seal of approval on it.

If we plan to let the cat outside in their new place, be sure to keep them in for at least three weeks, to reset their internal homing navigation. The outside world will be even more new, and even more confusing.

Our help in establishing a new schedule, and also reassuring them that is what we want them to do, will help the stressed cat relax and start to enjoy their new home.

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Many cats are vocal, but it’s an acquired second language they use to talk to humans.

A cat’s primary language is their body language.

To the cat, they are sending clear signals about their mood and intent. Learning these signals, especially learning how cats show trust, will let us make overtures without getting ourselves in trouble.

Because when we pet, we are making overtures with our body language. What are we saying to the cat?

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Wary cats of any age will first regard us from a distance. We shouldn’t be bothered by the cat staring at us, because they are studying our body language to see if we are friendly. We can let them know our good intentions by long, slow, blinks of the eyes. This is a “cat kiss” and conveys the same thing a smile does to people. If the cat responds, we should see the half-closed eyes of a relaxed, happy cat.

We should always let a wary cat make the first overture. They might come over to sniff at us, and we should sit quietly and let them. We want to give the strong impression we are not about to grab them and do something nefarious, and reaching for them before we have established trust is bad manners. Folded back ears, with the tip pointing back, means the cat is still uncertain. But letting the ears droop down the sides of their head means relaxation.

If they wind around our legs, or look up with relaxed ears and forward pointing whiskers, they are still calm. We are getting a strong friendly signal with face rubbing on parts of our body. This is cat marking signals. They are saying, “this belongs to me.” Having us smell like them is reassuring to the cat.

If we are getting friendly moves, we can extend our fist. This does not mean aggression. A closed fist is not poised to grab them, and by folding in our fingers we will not inadvertently poke an eye or an ear if the cat makes a sudden movement. They will examine it carefully, and now we can nudge our hand into their body. Start with the chest, since that is the least frightening area.

Often, the relaxed cat will roll over on their back and present the belly. This is a sign of trust, but be careful about petting that inviting belly. Unless we know the cat very well, the cat can get excited about this expression of vulnerability and grab our hand. Don’t go too far too fast. At first, it is best to admire the belly with happy tones in our voice. This lets the cat enjoy a moment with us without triggering any defensive moves.

We can rub our knuckles on their shoulder or along their back. We often get lowered shoulders and elevated hindquarters. This is a cat’s way of showing openness to overtures. As disconcerting as it might seem to be presented with the business end of the cat, they are offering themselves in a vulnerable position to show trust. A few gentle rubs or scratches at the base of the tail will keep up our end of the deal.

Petting is highly stimulating, and can overcharge the cat without us knowing it. It might be best to start with “scritches,” rubbing the chin or the base of the ears with the ends of our fingers. This is pleasurable for the cat without being overwhelming.

Don’t pat them on the head or roughhouse as you would a dog, because this is threatening behavior. Cats like slow gentle movements. If they draw back when we reach for their head, redirect our hand to their chest, which is always respectful and enjoyable.

Blinking, stretching, and nuzzling, or a leisurely rolling and unrolling tail, are all positive signs of appreciation, while a lashing tail or flattened ears are indications that we are making the cat uncomfortable. Always leave the cat an out; if they want to leave, let them.

Even pleasurable moments can overstimulate the cat and get them charged up.

They will think we are doing it on purpose, since we are In Charge Of Everything. Always stop when we are making the cat uncomfortable and let them find their equilibrium before approaching them again.

Cats in laps are uncertain at first. We can overwhelm the cat by being too eager. Let the cat move in from the arm of the chair or its edge by sitting quietly. Let our lap look more like a surface by spreading a throw or blanket over it. All those valleys and shapes can confuse a cat by making it look like a tricky area to negotiate.

Since we have very clumsy movements compared to cats, and have no tails or mobile ears, we must use our first language, speech, to reassure the cat and keep them aware of our good intentions. We don’t have to use baby talk, though they don’t mind, but we should keep our tones sweet and soft.

Cats move in a world of subtle signals, mutual respect, and delicate dances of friendship. By understanding what the cat is saying to us, our own movements will then communicate our regard and affection.

This is how we build a cat relationship. One small movement at a time.

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It’s true. Cats are highly capable con artists. It’s in their DNA.

Cats are predators, but are small enough so that they could also be prey. To protect their territory, handle interactions with other cats, and bluff themselves out of becoming a dinner instead of a diner, cats have come up with many con artist strategies.

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One of the most striking is the way cats handle feeling ill. They can successfully act as though they are fine, even when they are quite sick. Cats react to a possible threat by pretending they are much bigger than they are, by turning sideways, arching their back, and puffing up their fur. Cats are also good at pretending bored indifference, when they are actually alert to any possible moves, and busy figuring out their own.

These are all instinctual moves the cat is born with. However, since they are capable of learning new strategies, cats will also come up with ways of conning us to try to get what they want.

Even Puffy, a cat I once used in my biology seminar as an example of a “very simple organism,” can put on a show we call The Trembling Paw. He will drag himself into the living room, barely able to lift his head, and just manage to reach out with one trembling paw. Dear Husband will usually laugh and say, “Get out of here, Puffy, I just checked your food bowl.” Puffy will roll over and give him the cute face. Can’t blame a cat for trying.

When we first got RJ, his severe early deprivation had hampered his communication ability. So it was a great day when he woke me up for breakfast one morning, and then pretended I had gotten up on on my own. His look of mock surprise, on a face that usually had only one, slightly worried, expression, was well worth the wake up call.

Mr. Bond specializes in “finding” me while I’m in the kitchen or rearranging the fishing creel where we keep grooming supplies, small toys, and cat treats. Oh, hey, look who’s here, his face says. Is there anything I can help you with?

Cats can pretend to be asleep, but if we stare at them, we might see an ear twitch or an eye open. They love to be noticed, and this will override their act. If we have been away, the cat might show indifference, such as making a point of turning their back. Over and over again. I’m not going to say I missed you until you say you missed me.

It is a mark of intelligence for a cat to figure out how to pretend certain behaviors, in order to create certain, other, behaviors in other living creatures. It is not that the cat has a sneaky nature, though this behavior can be interpreted that way.

After all, don’t we pretend? Sometimes to be polite. Sometimes to stay out of trouble. Sometimes to play a joke on a friend.

Pretending is a sign of an active imagination and the ability to conceptualize. It’s abstract thinking. It indicates a high order of intelligence.

For us. And for cats.

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Sometimes, a cat needs a new home. It could be a stray who is not working out, an unavoidable move, or a tragedy in the family. However it happens, the first thing the cat will need is a resume.

Don’t put off this decision, no matter how difficult it may be to come to it. Because the second thing the cat will need is time. If you feel badly about giving up the cat, imagine how badly you will feel if circumstances force you into placing the cat into less than good conditions.

Start with at least one picture showing the cat at their best. It should capture the best qualities of the cat; playfulness, affection, good humor, and intelligence.

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Do a little writeup putting the best spin on why you and this cat must part ways. “Too playful for our older cat,” “stray we can’t keep,” or “medical problems in family, can’t pay proper attention” will show a perfectly understandable reason for rehoming that does not reflect badly on the cat. Highlight their good qualities, then close with the practicalities everyone would want to know. For instance, “uses litterbox, neutered, up to date on shots,” will let people how much attention the cat will require to fit into their household.

Once you have a good resume, get the word out. Cable access channels will often run ads for free. Put up the posters in places you tend to be, so if someone is interested, such as in a coffee shop, they will feel connected by shared spaces and can approach you, even if it’s only by phone. Branch out into places where you feel people who could connect with this cat would hang out; if he’s good with kids, post at kid friendly places. If the cat has a disability, don’t despair! People with similar challenges will feel a connection there.

Does a local nursing home or mentally challenged support home need a companion cat? More and more places are open to the benefits. Bring his posters to the local shelter; they often maintain referral books for people who can’t find the right cat among the current offerings and need to look further. Ask your vet to put up a poster. They often know when someone is looking for a cat.

Don’t be too shy to talk about the situation, and send out emails among your network with a request to pass it on. Put the cat on Petfinder with the help of your local shelter, and reach an even wider area.

The more you do to get the word out, the greater the chances of connecting with the right person for the cat. The important thing is to not give up. It is usually a great cat in a bad situation.

Present them that way.

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