The Way of Cats

A reader writes:

We adopted a stray who is so loving. We got him neutered and all his shots, but we don’t want him to go outside anymore. But he still wants it. He’ll hang around all day, trying to shoot out the door. We worry about him getting hurt, but if he wants it so much should we give in?

Dear Readers,

No. You shouldn’t give in.

There’s very good reasons for not letting our cats outside. There’s cars, diseases, fleas, other cats, other people, wildlife he can eat to make him sick, and wildlife that can eat him. This is on top of the dangers of getting lost or trapped somewhere. Every time we let a cat out, we gamble that they will come home again. It doesn’t matter how many times they have done so successfully. Each new outing is a roll of the dice.

However, these good intentions often run contrary to what the cats think they want. Whether we have tamed a feral, rescued a stray, or adopted a cat whose former owner let them out, we will have cats who regard the outside world as a wonderful playground they don’t want to give up.

Of course, this is how our teenagers regard the world, and we don’t let them do anything they want. So it is with cats. If we have made the decision that we would prefer to live without the fleas, the vet bills, and the worry, we will decide to keep our cats inside. Now we must convince the cat.

This is not something easily explained to the cat. So we must persuade. We must make this the cat’s idea. My favorite way of making things the cat’s idea is with psychodrama.

more cat pictures

We need a squirt bottle with plain water and a willing volunteer, either someone the cat does not know or a friend dressed in a borrowed bulky coat and a weird hat, anything to make them look threatening and to keep the cat from recognizing them.

We pick the cat’s favorite door. We put our volunteer outside. The next act in our little play depends on the cat. Do they hang by the door with their nose pressed into the crack? Do they hide and wait for the door to open enough for them to dash through? Do they eel through guests’ legs when we are distracted? Whatever their favorite move is, we are going to re-create it under controlled conditions so the volunteer can act their big scene. Go ahead and ham it up by doing what you normally do when the cat sneaks out, and make it so the cat will have a clear path to beat a retreat.

When the cat goes for the door, they will be blocked by a roaring monster which is squirting water. Leave plenty of room for the cat to flee back into the house without hurting anyone or themselves. Don’t leave it there; let the monster roar some more and bang on the door jamb with something noisy, such as an empty plastic soda bottle. They make great big booming noises without damaging anything.

Leave the cat alone to think.

The cat will understand the outdoors is dangerous when we are able to tell them. What we have done is dramatize the dangers we know are outside. The cat now has a whole new outlook on the great outdoors. They had not known there were roaring water monsters out there. Now that they do know, they might still try it again. Repeat the experience for them. Two or three such experiences will convince the cat that the outdoors is no longer so appealing.

Back up their experience by explaining, when the cat next reappears, that you kept trying to tell them about the roaring water monsters. You only wanted to keep them inside because of the monsters. It’s because you care about them and don’t want the monsters to get them!

The dangers outside are not easily explained to the cat. They are abstract, and difficult to communicate, especially when translated from Human to Cat. The beauty of drama is that it reaches across all cultures. We have dramatized the dangers of the outdoors. They should only go out there when we are there to protect them, and ideally inside their carrier, where they will be safe.

We knew the outdoors were dangerous. Now the cat knows the outdoors are dangerous.

Psychodrama is how we give the cat their own ideas.

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There’s more to raising and training a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CAT TRAINING TIPS.

I always enjoy seeing a cat in a movie. One of the iconic scenes in Alien is when Ripley, despite the lurking monster, manages to get the ship’s cat, Jonesy, into a carrier so she can rescue him. (Note to naysayers: Yes, the cat would be hiding. But Ripley, who is obviously fond of him, would know where the cat likes to hide.)

Throughout the film, we see the cat noticing the monster, which is a nice storytelling touch. After all, if one of the human characters sees the monster, they are supposed to do something about it. Seeing the cat react is pure scare.

Cats are ideal symbols for the spooky and inexplicable, due to many people’s concept of their nature. There aren’t many movies showing the cat’s adorable and loving side.

more cat pictures

One of these rare ones just came out on DVD, Rhubarb, from 1951. Rhubarb is the cat, who inherits a fortune. According to the IMDB entry:

Fourteen different cats portrayed Rhubarb at different points in the film. Each cat was trained to do a different trick. Three of the most identical cats appeared in the courtroom scene where Polly Sickles has to choose which one is the real Rhubarb.

At the theatrical opening of this film, kids were handed (for free) an “autographed” picture of Rhubarb. The signature on the photo was a paw print.

I can also recommend The Three Lives of Thomasina. I only saw it once, as a child, because it made me cry so much. (This also goes for Old Yeller, which affected me particularly because I only had dogs, growing up.) This is a warning.

Because cats are highly variable in their openness to strangers, it’s no real surprise cats are underrepresented in the acting profession. They certainly can be trained. In the popular movie Meet the Parents, two Himalayans played Mr. Jinks. Prop cats were substituted for potentially dangerous situations.

It’s common for animal actors to have a special trick which they can reliably perform on command, and just use the different animals as needed. Notable in this regard was the movie The Green Mile. Every time a different mouse trick was performed, it was a different mouse.

My favorite movies with cats are ones which show the cats being themselves. In Men in Black, the elderly jeweler obviously loves his cat, who returns his devotion. Even aliens like cats!

But for cats who are also aliens, the best one is The Cat from Outer Space from 1978. The role of Jake the cat was played by two different Abyssinian cats, Rumpler and his sister, Amber, according to IMDB. So they are quite the talented cats! A perfect choice to refute people who say “cats can’t do tricks.”

I am happy to say that the American Humane Society keeps track of animal actors, according to these guidelines. Even bugs, as seen in this entry for Men in Black. One of the reasons I read the credit scroll at the end is to see how the animal actors were treated.

Knowing the tremendous influence movies have, it’s especially important that cats be portrayed as the intelligent and loving animals they truly are.

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There’s more ways to understand our cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my posts on WHY CATS DO THAT.

RJ carries a heavy burden. He is possessed of an OverWhelming Cuteness. The humans in the household find him irresistible, and frequently give in to the urge to scoop him up and cuddle him extravagantly.

Fortunately, RJ can handle it. He loves to be cuddled, and while he usually wriggles to be let down after a varying period of time, he has a fast reset, and can be cuddled again quickly.

So we humans are able to indulge our desire to rub that furry face, stroke those soft ears, and gently cup his marbled belly. We can hug him like a doll, put him over our shoulder, and plop him on our laps. He will relax and purr and enfold our hands or faces with his paws.

Are we lucky to have such an affectionate cat? Yes, certainly. But this is no accident. Because I chose him for cuddly, and we have trained him for cuddly. We have maximized his considerable cuddling potential into the state-of-the-art example he is today.

Better yet, he won’t lose it as he grows into adulthood. RJ will be cuddly all his life. Because we will continue to nurture his natural instincts, so he will always be able to enjoy a lot of close, affectionate contact with his people.

Anyone can have a cuddly cat. But not every cat has the same cuddling potential. Puffy finds cuddling to be too overwhelming. He enjoys being petted, and, properly coaxed, he will melt into a lap. But he’s not, and never will be, a cuddler.

So to have a cuddly cat, we must choose a cat who has the proper abilities. We can get this kind of cat at any age, if we know what to look for. Most kittens tend to not mind cuddling, but the kitten cuddler of great potential seeks it out. They are quick to relax into our hands, eager to curl up in our laps, and joyous about face to face contact.

RJ was an easy tell; he reached through his shelter cage to pat my face with his paws, and rubbed his muzzle on the bars, desperate for affection. Other kittens will tear themselves away from play to show interest in people, but only cuddler kittens will worm into our hands and seek out our faces, showing their desire for a lot of contact.

Adult cats are even easier. Unlike kittens, they might not show trust right away; that adult reserve can hold them back. But if we are looking at adult cats in a shelter, the people there know the cuddlers. They will be thrilled to help one of their “love bugs” find a forever home, where they can get all the cuddling they want.

If we are searching for a cuddler, that has to be the most important characteristic. We can’t get sidetracked by a pretty face or signs of a breed we always wanted. Cuddlers come male or female, long and slender or round and stocky. If we want a cuddler, nothing else must matter more, or we will compromise and probably come home with a wonderful cat. But they might not be cuddlers.

Once we have a cuddler, we must train them properly so they can retain these happy characteristics. With kittens, it is a matter of helping them stay that way, while with adults it’s more a case of letting them relax into it.

At any age, we should follow these Cuddling Principles:

• Wait for the cat to make first moves. Let them get used to their new situation, and keep our contact door open by keeping our hand around for them to rub their face on. Then we can move down to their chest or stroke their ears. Full contact hugs are for relationships of great trust; don’t be impatient.
• Know when to swoop in, and when not to. We keep RJ cuddly by not interrupting his play or mealtimes. We make our moves when he is already relaxed and open to our overtures, or has indicated he would like some by lying down near us. It’s coercive to demand they drop everything for a cuddle. Being sensitive to, and respectful of, their moods builds the trust that is so essential to good cuddling.
• If they want to get down, they get down. It might be five minutes, or only five seconds from a rowdy youth, or a wary adult. And that’s fine.
• Cuddling is fun for both of us, and must stay that way. Never turn a cuddle into something else, thinking they are all relaxed and happy, so won’t mind their ear medicine at this moment. They will mind, and then they will mistrust cuddling.
• Keep the moment soft and sweet. Squealing into their ear about how cute they are, or going to the other extreme and not saying anything, will send the wrong reinforcement. Soft whispering of their name, with other endearments as the spirit moves us, will strengthen our cuddling bond. This lets the cat enjoy our closeness on all levels, backing up our body language with our verbal language.
• It’s perfectly all right to begin or end a cuddling session with treats. Mealtimes lead to a full tummy, when cuddling might be uncomfortable, but telling them how much we love them with a tasty treat is just another form of closeness. One thing leads to another.

What if we already have one, or more, cats, and none of them are cuddlers? Use the Cuddling Principles to see how much potential might be going to waste with the current cats. We might have been making innocent mistakes, and we can correct them.

Otherwise, this is a problem that can be solved with more cats! Depending on the present cat situation, of course. Still, there’s very often a slot open for a cuddler, and this sets a good example for the rest of the crew. Cuddly cats tend to be friendly and easy going with all living creatures, and it’s not like the present cats will find themselves shoved out of a lap to make room for the cuddler.

They might find themselves not taking the humans for granted when they see how well the situation works for the new cuddler, and they will thaw.

Which is not a bad thing, at all.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.

There’s an even higher goal than having cats who get along. It’s having cats who genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Mr. Bond (on the left) and RJ (on the right) are sharing a moment on the bed. RJ is paying Mr. Bond the highest compliment. He is mirroring Mr. Bond’s body language.

Recently we have been spending a lot of time in the bedroom instead of the living room. We’ve been doing some rearranging and putting together of new storage devices. RJ is not sure how to handle these changes. He knows the hanging out in the bedroom routine well, but the added wrinkle of boxes and clothes strewn around the room; that’s new. He doesn’t know what to think.

When I found RJ hanging out in the living room, lonely and confused, I picked up some toys, and then him. I carried them all to the bedroom and put them on the bed, where Mr. Bond already was. Mr. Bond arranged himself on one side of the toys. Then RJ did.

Mr. Bond, by modeling the correct behavior, was a great source of reassurance to RJ. Whatever this was, it was to be studied, not feared. So RJ settled in next to Mr. Bond, who was supervising the process, knowing it well, alert to the always predictable appearance of the vacuum cleaner in Act Two.

(We think Mr. Bond is studying the vacuum cleaner for his great treatise, The Behavior of the Vacuum Cleaner, which will be published, he knows, to great acclaim. We know Mr. Bond is a promising cat scientist, because he is capable, upon the delivery of a new vacuum cleaner, to recognize the picture on the box, and avoid that box conspicuously until it vanishes again.)

A few minutes later, and their head positions have switched; now it’s Mr. Bond, on the left, who is pretending not to look at the other. RJ has stopped pretending he is sleeping and is investigating his rabbit. Mr. Bond continues to signal that all is well.

After half an hour, RJ’s curiosity about the temporarily empty closet is going to be greater than his fear, and he will jump down to explore. But he will first look back over his shoulder, because Mr. Bond will know when it’s safe to go in there.

This is something we humans might miss. We might not think to tell him ourselves. We might not know what he is asking. We might lack the mutual communication skills to let each other know what we each need to know.

But Mr. Bond knows the routine and how to speak Cat. He will tell RJ what is safe, and what is not. He enjoys this role, especially since Modeling in a Dignified Manner is his preferred technique.

We have fostered this relationship by saying nice things about them to each other. Since they are both Betas, they tend to have shared interests. Mr. Bond’s settled ease and savvy behavior has made him into the cat RJ wants to be when he grows up.

Mr. Bond, as we suspected, has been sucked in by the flattery.

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There’s more about multiple cats in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See more posts on the MULTIPLE CAT ADVANTAGE.