The Way of Cats

Ever notice that when cats are happy, they half-close their eyes?

Here, Cookie demonstrates the heavy lidded “look of love” we are always happy to get from our cat. But many people don’t know we can return that message in Cat Speak.

Cats have a number of body language moves they use with other cats. Many of them are unavailable to us, since (from the cat’s point of view) we lack moveable ears, we walk upright, and we have no tail.

However, cats are marvels at reading expressions, and this is why they often study our face for clues to our intentions. Using our own facial expressions lets us “Speak Cat.”

If we find ourselves matching gazes with our cat, try slowly opening and closing our eyes. The slower we do this, the better we convey our affection. When the cat does the same, be thrilled!

We have just exchanged “cat kisses.”

This is an instinctive behavior of the cat that even kittens possess. We see it when the cat sees something they like, when they are feeling good, and when they want to show friendliness to another cat. Do not mistake this for the “narrowed eyes” which mean they feel threatened. That is when the cat draws back their face and pulls their eyes into a stretched position, accompanied by tightly folded ears and maybe showing some teeth.

When they are bestowing cat kisses, their face is relaxed, and their ears are upright, sagging in relaxation, or maybe tipped back in curiosity.

We might even see the “happy ears,” as in this picture of RJ, where the ears swivel outward to form a smile over their face. In this picture, we see the end stage of cat kisses, where the cat has their eyes closed because they are smiling.

If the cat avoids our gaze, this is a sign they are working on their trust with us. There is always a point where we do make contact, and we should try to fit a cat kiss into the transaction.

The cat kiss is the least threatening way we can convey our good intentions, without the baggage of the raised hand for petting (could be an attack!) or trying to hug them (they’re moving in on me!) They can be the important first step in establishing trust with a traumatized cat.

I used cat kisses to convince the half-feral kitten, James Bond, that I liked him and wanted to be his friend. We’ve been building on that relationship ever since. One clue that RJ’s early deprivation had stymied his development was the way he would give us cat kisses, but not return ours. He was instinctively expressing his affection for us without realizing he was doing it. By patiently returning his cat kisses, and initiating cat kisses during cuddle sessions, we taught him how to communicate, and now he loves to do this with us.

It’s also a great way to exchange greetings when we are busy, or the cat is. Every time I see Puffy lurking in his favorite spots, I give him a cat kiss; to convey my affection, to let him know his spots are a good place for him to be, and to invite him out for more attention. Often, he will take me up on my offer.

Even small children know how to send kisses to other people. There is a way to send that same love to our cats.

Try it.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.

When we learn to enjoy our cat, we encounter the “cat gap.”

We come home, get greeted, or, if it’s our turn, seek out the cat to announce our arrival. There’s play time, dinner time, and then nap time. That’s when we notice the quiet living room. We are ready for more cat time.

And there is no cat.

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Cats sleep two thirds of the time. This is great when we are busy. But when we long for cat company, the cat is often not available. They might like to sleep on our laps, the couch, or in the same room, but often they need their alone time.

This is the “cat gap.”

Once we know how much fun cats are, we want more. More interaction, more fun, more of the intensity and affection cats provide. If we find ourselves wanting more than one cat can give, we should consider more cats.

Of course, then people would know we like cats.

I don’t know why this should give anyone pause. If we like completing marathons, painting pictures, or collecting Beanie Babies, and get more, society approves. Getting more cats implies nothing more than the fact that we like cats. Then there’s the practical aspects.

More cats are easier than one. How can this be?

Cats do not have to obey the laws of physics. Once we are spooning out food or scooping litter, more cats do not double or triple our workload. It only increases it in small increments. More cats increases our cat pleasure exponentially, so more cats are fun, squared.

We find the burden of amusement and training is greatly lifted with more cats. More cats can play with each other, help each other figure out navigation and guidance, and be companions when they are alone. When we have more than one cat, they form a social mind towards our stuff, wherein one cat is daring to investigate and another cat is saying, “Don’t do it, you’ll get us in trouble.”

This illustrates the communication advantages. By virtue of their interaction with us and each other, we increase the potential of each other’s messages getting through. Any requests by us will be understood by the cat who has the best receiver, and then they will pass it on to the other cats.

Cats who aren’t good at communicating with humans learn from other cats. With desirable cat skills, adding other cats increases all the cat’s skills in that area, because they have other cats to model the desired behavior. Group cats are far more likely to send and receive community signals with their face and body when they get constant practice with other cats. This makes the signals obvious and easy for humans to pick up.

It’s as though each cat we add tunes the antenna better.

Yes, it’s a commitment to cats. It’s a smart commitment to cats. That’s part of cat self-maintenance domination in all categories. Cats have ways that make taking care of them simple and reliable, leaving more time for enjoyment.

Half of all people with cats have more than one. Because they know that the “cat gap” is not just wanting cat time and having none available. It’s also the gulf between our two species when we are dealing with a cat in isolation. It’s the pressure on the cat to be all things to their people. Closing the gap fills the hole in our lives.

Because with more cats, we get far more.

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There’s more about multiple cats in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See more posts on the MULTIPLE CAT ADVANTAGE.

Sometimes, the best cat for the job… is a cat.

Let’s face it, kittens sell themselves. The tinyness! The fluffiness! The cuteness! But like a beautifully wrapped gift, what’s inside is a bit of a mystery. And it might not be what you wanted or needed.

I completely understand the lure of the kitten. But they all grow up. They spend most of their life grown up. Adult cats offer a whole new dimension to the relationship that has even deeper joys.

If we are new to cats, I heartily recommend adopting an adult cat.

Because kittens, like small children, are both adorable and annoying. They have a steep learning curve which encompasses almost everything.

They get into things, especially at three in the morning. They bite toes under blankets, they shred whatever can be shredded, and they climb pants legs, even if you aren’t wearing any.

Those new to cats who start with a kitten have two strikes against them.

A newbie getting a kitten is trying to understand cats by starting with the least responsive, most doofusy stage, which comes with its share of exasperation and frustration. Then they inadvertently create problems for themselves by raising a cat without a lot of experience or knowledge. Most of the time, these things work out. But why pile on difficulties?

Adopting an adult cat, by contrast, is not like having a child. It’s more like dating. You’ve got preferences, the cat has preferences. Evaluating an adult cat is easier because the whole personality is developed. Their size, habits, and outlook are there, and many clues are clear.

When you bring them home, it’s like a first date. Everyone is on their best behavior, boundaries are tested and negotiated, agreements are struck. The relationship proceeds slowly and carefully. Along the way, both of you are discovering fascinating things about each other.

Adult cats in a new home need to be drawn out, it’s true. But the very caution that makes them reserved in their overtures is also working for them as they learn their new home. They are far less likely to mess with things, and are far more easily trained. They are usually quite sensitve to your needs, so long as they feel you are being sensitive to theirs.

So if you are contemplating a first cat, make it a cat. Find a friendly cat who makes overtures to you, even if it’s only eye contact or rubbing their face on the bars of their cage. The shelter people can tell you much more about what they are like, and you will have a better idea if this cat will work for you.

With kittens, it’s love at first sight. And you often need it to get through that rowdy first year.

With the adult cat, it’s love that grows. And the first time they come to you and look deeply into your eyes, you’ll find it’s a love that is even more thrilling.

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There’s more to choosing a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my ADVICE ON CAT TYPES.