The Way of Cats

Cats know their names. They will even come to their names; when we call them only for good things.

Here is RJ, responding to his name. Of course he knows his name. He knows all his nicknames, too.

He also knows to come into the bedroom when it’s breakfast time, which is an even more sophisticated task. Early on, we knew what he wanted when he bounced onto the foot of the bed, but we are working on his communication, so we pretended we didn’t. We asked him if there was something he wanted to tell us.

This stymied RJ momentarily, and he looked out the bedroom door, to the hall, where Mr. Bond was lurking. Like the parent of a preschooler on Halloween night, Mr. Bond was making sure the message got through. This is a cooperative task between two cats, which is an even higher level of planning and strategy.

When we see this obvious evidence of intelligence, it might seem puzzling that cats don’t come when they are called. But it doesn’t mean they don’t know their names.

Cats don’t come when they are called if they don’t know what will happen if they do.

Cats have a constantly consulted database in their heads that they build their whole lives. Once an entry has gotten into the database, such as, I came when I heard my name called and they crammed this pill down my throat, this entry, with its bad connotations, will come up first. It takes many, many entries like, I came when I heard my name called and got a fishy treat! to make up for it.

Before we can even start any new entries in the cat database, we have to get the cat to come when called again. Good luck with that.

Unlike dogs, cats have no hierarchy of leadership, or compulsion to obey. That is why their name behavior is so different from dogs. Maybe outside, off-leash, or when they know it’s bathtime, maybe then dogs will pretend they didn’t hear us. But in the house, dogs always come, because that is their nature.

It is not in the cat’s nature. They have the cat database, with a constant reminder of what might have happened when they are called. Even if the answer, from the cat’s point of view, is nothing, that is not a sufficient reward for dislodging themselves from a lovely nap or tearing themselves away from a window. If they have any bad memories of coming when their name is called, that is a trigger for avoidance.

So don’t trick them to their detriment. They will remember. It’s okay to confuse them, or get them to think, or make them realize something new, if they get a reward of some sort for it. But we cannot use their names, their special many names, to do anything they wouldn’t want.

That would be a betrayal.

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There’s more to raising and training a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CAT TRAINING TIPS.

How easy it is for us to get the cat to leave certain things alone is greatly dependent on what type of cat we are dealing with. The gentle Gamma is likely to abandon the cables behind the entertainment center when we draw a deep breath, while the determined Alpha will simply not do whatever it is while we are there, since it upsets us so. However, if we aren’t there to be upset by it, why not?

It also depends on the age of the cat. Kittens, with their short attention spans and capability to hold only one thought in their head at a time, need repeated discipline efforts, while older and calmer cats will be more considerate and more capable of understanding our preferences.

see more crazy cat pics

The first step in any cat deterrent effort must be redirecting. If we find the cat messing with something they shouldn’t, we should think first of what we can substitute. It has to be a good substitute. Something that does not fulfill the need the cat is expressing will not appeal, anymore than a hard, dust-flavored, granola bar is an adequate substitute for a Krispy Kreme donut. In either case, it just doesn’t work.

Remember, the cat needs to have something to wrestle with. The cat needs something to scratch on. The cat needs to look out the window.

It’s not possible to change the cat’s needs.

However, there are things and places the cat simply should not be allowed to mess with, for their own safety. Electrical cords, kitchen counters, and the toilet paper are all items we want left in their original condition, and these do not fulfill the cat’s needs as well as toys and safe spots we make for them. If the cat has good substitutes, and needs to know this item or place is off limits, AND the cat has proved resistant to redirecting, it’s time to step up our efforts.

Sometimes, it’s a matter of getting the cat’s attention without yelling at them. They can be so absorbed in their illegal behavior they do not notice us. A clicker or clangy bell can be used to instantly get the cat’s attention so they can concentrate on our words. If that’s not enough, we can show our disapproval with a spray bottle or, in delicate areas, one of those cans of air that are used to clean electrical equipment.

This is a tool, and like all tools, should be used with restraint and wisdom. Just blasting the cat whenever they venture near something will create a stressed cat who will be driven to misbehave all the more. This is a last resort and should be treated as such.

The Magic of the Bottle or Can is that it is not connected with us. If we take direct action with the cat involving hitting, yelling, or throwing something at them, it will no longer be about whatever they are doing. It will be about us. It will be about the way we have suddenly become a terrifying giant who has unpredictably gone crazy.

There is no way the cat will connect what they are doing with how we have behaved. Because they are no longer thinking about what they are doing. They are thinking about getting away from us.

Punitive, physical methods always backfire. It only makes the cat afraid of us.

The Blaster of our choice lets the cat decide that when they do that, poor consequences follow. Then they make up their own mind to leave whatever it is, alone. This is how we counter the “But I want to!” with them deciding, “That’s no fun anymore.”

The Blaster works when we are on the scene. But what about when we are not? That’s when we have to get creative. We will come up with “cat traps.”

Cat traps are harmless booby traps that work without our presence.

If the cat is constantly jumping onto a high shelf or bookcase, an opened magazine, with half of it hanging down and half on the shelf, will not let them accomplish their goal. An empty plastic soda bottle balanced on the toilet paper will create a clattering alarm. Double-sided sticky tape on the edge of the couch will make the surface no good for scratching, and annoying enough to keep the cat off the counters.

A strip of cloth sprayed with orange or peppermint oil creates a scent cats dislike, and they will avoid the whole area, while we enjoy its freshening power. (It’s also why we should never use such strong smelling cleaners on their litter box!) Motion detector lights or alarms can be strategically placed to suddenly remind the cat, and get them to reconsider.

All of these cat traps can draw our attention to cat misbehavior if we are in another room, thus allowing us to come in and reinforce our reminder with some jolly “You are so busted!” ridicule, which the cat dislikes as much as the annoying or startling action of our cat trap.

Even if we are not around, the cat realizes they are not getting away with whatever it is. This takes the fun out of it. Once the cat decides the area or object is no longer so attractive, we can phase out our tricks. The memory will remain.

If we have a stubborn cat, or are simply not handy enough to come up with something ourselves, I have assembled a variety of Cat Training Aids, below, that might be just the ticket.

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There’s more to raising and training a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CAT TRAINING TIPS.

We can play Cat Poker anytime. If we want the cat to be affectionate, we should.

James Bond.
In my lap.
Happy with his cards.

A terrible thing can happen to cats when they are no longer cute. Like cut flowers or lemon meringue pies, kittens have expiration dates. Sadly, this is when many people lose interest.

Just as it starts getting really interesting.

Kitten have high energies and short attention spans. It’s part of what makes them the adorable assets they are, but they are babies, and not capable of the deep relationships that are the crown jewel in the cat’s Pet Crown. They are kittens for no more than a year, but they are cats for the rest of their lives.

People want to keep the relationship going, but often falter here. They are baffled and hurt by the growing kitten’s display of independence, not understanding that this signals a next step in the relationship. Kittens are a parent/child relationship, as are dogs throughout their lives. But cats grow up and expect a different kind of dynamic. They want the relationship to become friend/friend.

Friends are equal players in the relationship. One person is not expected to do all the work. When the kitten turns pensive, observes us from a distance, or isn’t as much of a visible presence as they used to be, some people shrug, put it down to the independence of cats, and move on.

That’s not what is happening. The kitten is hoping we will miss them. They want to know if we care about them so much that we will seek them out.

So that is what we must do.

If we miss the cat, go ahead and miss the cat. Start calling them. Wonder aloud where they might be, while checking what we know are their favorite places. This shows caring, familiarity, and importance. What cat can resist that?

When we and the cat are reunited, let there be joy. We are glad to see them. They will be glad to see us.

They will, be assured they will.

Because we have just seen them and raised them. Now they have to make an extravagant gesture towards us.

They will, be assured they will.

If one thinks cats are not affectionate, one has not played who-loves-more with a cat. It’s a tough game, because we have to keep raising as long as they do. But we must see them and raise them. They can’t, and keep their self-respect, keep pressing their attentions on someone who seems not to return it.

At some point, the kitten will play the game less and less, and then fold. We will feel sad.

And they will, too.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.

Ever notice that when cats are happy, they half-close their eyes?

Here, Cookie demonstrates the heavy lidded “look of love” we are always happy to get from our cat. But many people don’t know we can return that message in Cat Speak.

Cats have a number of body language moves they use with other cats. Many of them are unavailable to us, since (from the cat’s point of view) we lack moveable ears, we walk upright, and we have no tail.

However, cats are marvels at reading expressions, and this is why they often study our face for clues to our intentions. Using our own facial expressions lets us “Speak Cat.”

If we find ourselves matching gazes with our cat, try slowly opening and closing our eyes. The slower we do this, the better we convey our affection. When the cat does the same, be thrilled!

We have just exchanged “cat kisses.”

This is an instinctive behavior of the cat that even kittens possess. We see it when the cat sees something they like, when they are feeling good, and when they want to show friendliness to another cat. Do not mistake this for the “narrowed eyes” which mean they feel threatened. That is when the cat draws back their face and pulls their eyes into a stretched position, accompanied by tightly folded ears and maybe showing some teeth.

When they are bestowing cat kisses, their face is relaxed, and their ears are upright, sagging in relaxation, or maybe tipped back in curiosity.

We might even see the “happy ears,” as in this picture of RJ, where the ears swivel outward to form a smile over their face. In this picture, we see the end stage of cat kisses, where the cat has their eyes closed because they are smiling.

If the cat avoids our gaze, this is a sign they are working on their trust with us. There is always a point where we do make contact, and we should try to fit a cat kiss into the transaction.

The cat kiss is the least threatening way we can convey our good intentions, without the baggage of the raised hand for petting (could be an attack!) or trying to hug them (they’re moving in on me!) They can be the important first step in establishing trust with a traumatized cat.

I used cat kisses to convince the half-feral kitten, James Bond, that I liked him and wanted to be his friend. We’ve been building on that relationship ever since. One clue that RJ’s early deprivation had stymied his development was the way he would give us cat kisses, but not return ours. He was instinctively expressing his affection for us without realizing he was doing it. By patiently returning his cat kisses, and initiating cat kisses during cuddle sessions, we taught him how to communicate, and now he loves to do this with us.

It’s also a great way to exchange greetings when we are busy, or the cat is. Every time I see Puffy lurking in his favorite spots, I give him a cat kiss; to convey my affection, to let him know his spots are a good place for him to be, and to invite him out for more attention. Often, he will take me up on my offer.

Even small children know how to send kisses to other people. There is a way to send that same love to our cats.

Try it.

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.