The Way of Cats

RJ carries a heavy burden. He is possessed of an OverWhelming Cuteness. The humans in the household find him irresistible, and frequently give in to the urge to scoop him up and cuddle him extravagantly.

Fortunately, RJ can handle it. He loves to be cuddled, and while he usually wriggles to be let down after a varying period of time, he has a fast reset, and can be cuddled again quickly.

So we humans are able to indulge our desire to rub that furry face, stroke those soft ears, and gently cup his marbled belly. We can hug him like a doll, put him over our shoulder, and plop him on our laps. He will relax and purr and enfold our hands or faces with his paws.

Are we lucky to have such an affectionate cat? Yes, certainly. But this is no accident. Because I chose him for cuddly, and we have trained him for cuddly. We have maximized his considerable cuddling potential into the state-of-the-art example he is today.

Better yet, he won’t lose it as he grows into adulthood. RJ will be cuddly all his life. Because we will continue to nurture his natural instincts, so he will always be able to enjoy a lot of close, affectionate contact with his people.

Anyone can have a cuddly cat. But not every cat has the same cuddling potential. Puffy finds cuddling to be too overwhelming. He enjoys being petted, and, properly coaxed, he will melt into a lap. But he’s not, and never will be, a cuddler.

So to have a cuddly cat, we must choose a cat who has the proper abilities. We can get this kind of cat at any age, if we know what to look for. Most kittens tend to not mind cuddling, but the kitten cuddler of great potential seeks it out. They are quick to relax into our hands, eager to curl up in our laps, and joyous about face to face contact.

RJ was an easy tell; he reached through his shelter cage to pat my face with his paws, and rubbed his muzzle on the bars, desperate for affection. Other kittens will tear themselves away from play to show interest in people, but only cuddler kittens will worm into our hands and seek out our faces, showing their desire for a lot of contact.

Adult cats are even easier. Unlike kittens, they might not show trust right away; that adult reserve can hold them back. But if we are looking at adult cats in a shelter, the people there know the cuddlers. They will be thrilled to help one of their “love bugs” find a forever home, where they can get all the cuddling they want.

If we are searching for a cuddler, that has to be the most important characteristic. We can’t get sidetracked by a pretty face or signs of a breed we always wanted. Cuddlers come male or female, long and slender or round and stocky. If we want a cuddler, nothing else must matter more, or we will compromise and probably come home with a wonderful cat. But they might not be cuddlers.

Once we have a cuddler, we must train them properly so they can retain these happy characteristics. With kittens, it is a matter of helping them stay that way, while with adults it’s more a case of letting them relax into it.

At any age, we should follow these Cuddling Principles:

• Wait for the cat to make first moves. Let them get used to their new situation, and keep our contact door open by keeping our hand around for them to rub their face on. Then we can move down to their chest or stroke their ears. Full contact hugs are for relationships of great trust; don’t be impatient.
• Know when to swoop in, and when not to. We keep RJ cuddly by not interrupting his play or mealtimes. We make our moves when he is already relaxed and open to our overtures, or has indicated he would like some by lying down near us. It’s coercive to demand they drop everything for a cuddle. Being sensitive to, and respectful of, their moods builds the trust that is so essential to good cuddling.
• If they want to get down, they get down. It might be five minutes, or only five seconds from a rowdy youth, or a wary adult. And that’s fine.
• Cuddling is fun for both of us, and must stay that way. Never turn a cuddle into something else, thinking they are all relaxed and happy, so won’t mind their ear medicine at this moment. They will mind, and then they will mistrust cuddling.
• Keep the moment soft and sweet. Squealing into their ear about how cute they are, or going to the other extreme and not saying anything, will send the wrong reinforcement. Soft whispering of their name, with other endearments as the spirit moves us, will strengthen our cuddling bond. This lets the cat enjoy our closeness on all levels, backing up our body language with our verbal language.
• It’s perfectly all right to begin or end a cuddling session with treats. Mealtimes lead to a full tummy, when cuddling might be uncomfortable, but telling them how much we love them with a tasty treat is just another form of closeness. One thing leads to another.

What if we already have one, or more, cats, and none of them are cuddlers? Use the Cuddling Principles to see how much potential might be going to waste with the current cats. We might have been making innocent mistakes, and we can correct them.

Otherwise, this is a problem that can be solved with more cats! Depending on the present cat situation, of course. Still, there’s very often a slot open for a cuddler, and this sets a good example for the rest of the crew. Cuddly cats tend to be friendly and easy going with all living creatures, and it’s not like the present cats will find themselves shoved out of a lap to make room for the cuddler.

They might find themselves not taking the humans for granted when they see how well the situation works for the new cuddler, and they will thaw.

Which is not a bad thing, at all.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.