They understand the communications of other cats better than they do human communications. This is a learned skill. They can learn it.
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One of the many benefits of having a cat civilization (three or more cats) is that less able cats can learn from the more developed ones. The best way for a cat-oriented cat to learn people is from their cat companions. If they see the benefits of interacting with the people in household continually demonstrated by those cats who get a lot of petting, playing, and pampering, they will see what they are missing.
Cat oriented cats reserve their most vulnerable moments for other cats. With people, they are reserved, because they have not yet learned to trust our human motivations and actions. Break through to them by responding more like their cat companions, and we will have a bridge to friendship.
Other cats have bonded with our withdrawn cat by offering openings that are then up to the cat to accept. We should do the same. Offer our closed fist instead of an open, grabbing, hand. Pet with The Standby instead of a storm-the-beaches approach that overwhelms them.
Call their name for treats or playtime, stand in front of them with the tempting item, give them the slow blinks of eye-contact friendship… but then do not follow through until they follow through.
To us, it is rude to seem to offer something and then not give it. But to the cat, our offer, no matter how tempting, is just that: an offer.
Leave it up to the cat to accept our overture, and these cats will be more likely to take us up on it. It’s a respect issue. We are dealing with a cat who is still uncertain that we will allow them the freedom of choice that they know other cats understand.
There’s the problem. We are not appreciating the cat when we act like they are disappointing us by simply being themselves. Their cat friends take them as they are. When we do not, we are really sending signals of non-friendship, aren’t we?
Our first real friendship step should be appreciating the cat for who they are. They are a great cat! After all, don’t our other cats think so? Praise the cat for being such a good cat friend. Talk to the other cats about what they like about the withdrawn cat. Are they a good buddy? What handsome eyes/ears/tail they have! We, too, would like to know them better.
Encourage our friendly cats to be the mutual friend in our relationship. When we come across the withdrawn cat with one of their buddies, fuss over the friendly one, while talking about the withdrawn one. Mention how much we would like to pet the withdrawn one, but we know they don’t think we are trustworthy. Ask the friendly one to put in a good word for us.
Often, the first step a withdrawn cat will take is during these relaxed, respectful sessions. That moment their body nudges closer to get some of the good stuff, that time their head drifts over towards our petting hand; this is the withdrawn cat gathering strength from the acceptance and affection our friendly cats are showing.
It’s a group moment that is the withdrawn cat’s first step on the Bridge to enjoyable human contact.
This is how we invite such cats to invite us in.
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There’s more about multiple cats in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See more posts on the MULTIPLE CAT ADVANTAGE.
