A reader writes:

They are both fond of wand/fishing pole toys, but K likes to stalk and pounce, whereas D rushes right in and leaps after the toy. Not only does this prevent K from being able to stalk, he also dislikes it when D’s wild leaps send him crashing down near or on K.

Is there a way to guide or shape D’s playing behavior? Can I communicate to him that he needs to let K have a chance?

Dear Readers,

One cat won’t stop playing, and the other one can’t start. I have this going on with three year old RJ and one year old Olwyn, and it has been the case since we got Olwyn as a kitten.

It’s also over a wand toy. They are simply at different speeds, and they may always be.

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Fortunately, it’s only over the wand toy. But Olwyn, young and energetic and determined, will not stop playing with the wand toy. RJ gets a few grabs at it. But I have to take a battery operated toy into the bathroom and shut Olwyn in there so RJ can have his turn.

I would have to change Olwyn; she would have to become a cat who would pass up a challenge, could ignore a teasing toy, who was able to sit still and let another cat play. Instead, seeing it brings up her competitive side, and she must best RJ at this game.

Might she grow out of it? Possibly, she will develop patience, but she certainly doesn’t have it yet. She also might not.

Cats can learn to control what they have.

But they cannot change their nature.

Olwyn cannot leave the wand toy alone. And neither can RJ; he will not be patient enough for me to play Olwyn into the ground until she is tired enough to watch.

But that’s okay. They love to play other games, and they get along. Just as D and K do, in the message I got.

Even sorta-shared play will help widen our cat’s Circle of Attachment.

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