I recently watched an episode of It’s Me or the Dog, a British show about dog training. The parents were neglecting their teenage son in order to dote on two giant, mixed breed, uncontrollable dogs. They had to be driven to a fenced field and “walked” there because the couple could not walk them down the street, and the family had recently moved because the dogs had terrorized their previous neighborhood.

The dreadful irony is that these dogs were not enjoying being spoiled. They were actually fearful and apprehensive all the time; because their people were not the calm “Leaders of the Pack” dogs need. So their frantic and aggressive behavior was from their attempts to control and make sense of their world. Since it wasn’t their world, this attempt was doomed to failure.

The forthright British lady got the whole family back on track, and it was nice to see these former ruffians wagging their tails and acting far more calmly. (Though I confess to helpless laughter early in the episode, when one rowdy dog flung the person who was walking him into the electric fence which kept them contained.) The point being that this family leaned, very hard, towards spoiling their pets.

And so, they should not have gotten dogs. They should have gotten a bunch of cats, instead.

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Dogs have a built-in Catch 22 which can surprise, and trap, dog fans. Dogs are so easy to make visibly happy, so quick to fawn over us, so eager to capture our attention and adoration, that many dog people can’t help but respond in kind. There’s the problem.

Some dogs are big puddings of play and cuddles. These kinds of dogs are truly happy on the bottom rung of dominance. When we boss them around, they are eager to comply; when we don’t, they are just as happy. They only want to be everyone’s friend.

But many, many dogs are not like this. In fact, I’d say most dogs are not like this. Big or don’t-know-they’re-small, mixed or purebred, a lot of dogs have strong Will to Power in their blood. It doesn’t mean they have to be the Leader of the Pack; it does mean they are susceptible to being told that they are. Which is what most dog lovers do.

All dogs act loving with subservience, because they need a leader. But if we turn around and love them in the same way, this sends them the wrong signal. We think we are saying I love you. They think we’re saying You are Pack Leader.

Then they try to be one. They boss the rest of the family, they are not amenable to discipline, they are aggressive and stubborn. We get angry, we get assertive, we become Pack Leader… and they obey. Then we melt, and switch our signals.

And the sad cycle starts all over again. Some dogs shrug and live in the moment. But some dogs become confused and insecure. The more confused and insecure the dog was in the first place, the more uncertain and nervous this kind of dog becomes over time.

Sadly, many rescue dogs long for a Strong Leader who will reassure them that bad things won’t happen again, yet get adopted by the kind of marshmallow-hearted folks who, in attempts to reassure, give exactly the opposite signal. Thus, many people won’t adopt “someone else’s problem” from a shelter; and they tell me this while their purebred is barking their head off and lunging at the end of the leash.

This is merely one aspect of dogs people get wrong without even trying. They get one dog when two would keep their sofas safer, they choose a high intensity purebred when a mellow mix would suit their lifestyle better, and last but far from least, there’s housebreaking; the Internet and bookstores are full of ways to help dog fans get this most basic need covered.

People tell me over and over, with a straight face, that they want a dog because dogs are “easier.” What they mean is, it’s easier for them to love a dog, than a cat. They’re not thinking of anything else.

And they should. Because true animal lovers need to know something very Pet Important:

Cats cannot be spoiled by being spoiled.

I know someone who adores her lab mix, and has many family members with dogs. She was astonished when I explained my training procedure for new kittens: Here’s the litter, here’s the food, here you go.

Of course, having other cats would mean introducing them properly, our home might need some kitten-proofing, and we do need to train our kitten as they grow. But when we consider the perfect storm of a new puppy; the pooing and the weeing and the chewing and the barking and the gnawing of hands and the yanking of leashes and the jumping up and the dragging off…

Kittens look pretty darn easy.

For more on this subject, see all my posts on Cat vs Dog.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.