In the words of Carole Wilbourn, The Cat Therapist, “Cats have feelings.” Cats live a life composed of emotions that are deeply felt and quickly stirred.

Many people think of cats as being aloof and indifferent. But that’s only when they do not trust. With trust comes those melting moments that create fans of cats.

Like us, cats are thinking beings who use their intellectual capacity to fulfill their emotions. Even an intellectual thrill is, at bottom, an emotion we like to feel. We live our lives looking for those good emotions, and avoiding the bad ones. So do cats.

A cat’s routine consists of looking forward to happy emotions like dinner and playtime, and then experiencing them. When we are the providers of these good times, we are regarded highly, but on a scale that corresponds to our own emotions about these times.

If we dump the food in the bowl and throw out a toy before we leave the room, we are providing for the cat, but in a lonely way. The cat will then keep their happy emotions to themselves.

We’ve indicated we do not want to share.

It is not possible to do this with a dog. A dog’s need for social interaction is such a part of their nature that they will pester their human until they get attention. Humans interpret this as a measure of how much the dog loves them, and cannot help but respond.

It’s true, the dog loves us. But so does the cat. However, the cat is wired differently. Without the overt demonstration, how can a human tell if the cat likes them?

We need to be alert to the different way a cat extends their overtures of friendship. Instead of jabbing their nose into our lap, a cat will simply appear.

Here they are, on our radar. Do we notice? Do we say something nice to them? Do we hold out a hand, indicating we would like a cat head in it?

Or, as so often, does the human run down the bowl and litter status, conclude the cat can’t want anything, and go back to what they are doing?

There. We’ve just rejected the cat. With hurt feelings, the cat withdraws to a sleeping spot, to internally debate whether we don’t like them, or we are just stupid. While we, the humans, complain that the cat isn’t affectionate.

These signals are being sent all the time. As we consider ourselves the brighter being, it is up to us to look for these overtures of friendship, and respond to them.

We should show the cat that their mere presence is something we like and find interesting. This will encourage the cat to show they like us, and do interesting things. This is not, ever, a one sided relationship, where we take and they give. The cat can only give back what has been bestowed upon them.

That’s their way.

They are born with a self-contained dignity that prevents them from continually making overtures when these overtures are rebuffed. That’s because they have strong feelings that are easily hurt. They are sensitive and have big hearts. They simply do not show that in situations where they worry about rejection. It hurts too much.

We can understand that, can’t we?

After all, even Mr. Spock had emotions. Deeply hidden, but deeply felt.

Once we knew that, didn’t it make him all the more fascinating?

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.