The Way of Cats

A reader writes:

We’ve moved to a new house, and my other cats handled the move okay. But one cat is having issues. I’m paying special attention to him, but he still acts stressed out. What else can I do for him?

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Dear Readers,

Cats are territorial creatures, and removing them from their territory is always a difficult task. Some cats cope better than others, quickly establishing new routines and enjoying the exploration of their new territory. Some cats have a tougher time. They are the ones who derive security from predictability and routine, and not having either can take its toll.

We can, as my writer did, try soothing sprays like Feliway and do our best to set up their new dishes and litter as soon as we can. But there’s another option we can try. We can sympathize with their distress, share our own, and ask for their help.

Part of what makes cats happy in their homes is meshing with their territory, but also with their people. Talking to them, explaining to them, and asking them to do things we know will make them happy lets us make up for the lost home until they can have a total “safety net” built for them again.

By sympathizing, we let them know that we are having troubles, too. We can follow them into the kitchen and let them know that, yes, this kitchen is different, but look, there’s still food out. This is a new room for the litter box, but the litter box is the same. Go on to explain that your clothes are in a different closet and the couch is sitting in a new place. Yes, it’s tough when everything is new!

Shared troubles are always lighter. This is true for cats, too. There’s another psychological ploy we can use, which is that helping others lets us handle our own burdens better. So enlist the cat’s help in some task. It could be siting the food dishes just so, even if it’s an inch away from where they were. Follow them around and ask them where their new sleeping and hang out places should be.

Cats who eagerly establish themselves in new places are not dependent on our lead. But the stressed cat probably is. They want and need our involvement in settling into their new home, from knowing the new places to avoid to knowing the new places where they are welcome. When they first arrived in their old home, we took them on the “orientation tour,” teaching them what we expect and what makes us happy. They need us to start over and give them the tour for their new house.

For such cats, general concepts like “eat from the bowl, wherever it might be” is asking for too much independent thought when they are coping with so much insecurity. They love us and worry about making us unhappy, so they can be too cautious about jumping into a routine without us putting our seal of approval on it.

If we plan to let the cat outside in their new place, be sure to keep them in for at least three weeks, to reset their internal homing navigation. The outside world will be even more new, and even more confusing.

Our help in establishing a new schedule, and also reassuring them that is what we want them to do, will help the stressed cat relax and start to enjoy their new home.

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We can’t control the outside world that intrudes on our cat, or even the unexpected disruptions from inside the home. Fireworks displays, dropped pans or a tipped lamp, sirens in the night; there’s often little we can do to remove or prevent these frightening noises.

more cat pictures

The cat must react. However, we can shape this reaction.

The best way to soothe a cat upset about uncontrollable stimuli is to project soothing indifference. Don’t immediately move to cuddle the cat, especially if they are in a state of quivering fear; that’s about as sensible as abruptly waking a war veteran or poking someone during a scary movie. Emotions are running high, and we don’t want to set them off.

When a cat is upset by sudden large noises, follow the cat to where they are hiding and let them know this is nothing to worry about, and everything is okay. Leave the cat alone to think about it. Our action has created two events, not just one; there was the upsetting incident, but now there is our counterbalancing action of reassurance and concern.

Energy can’t be eradicated, only redirected.

Over time, the cat will come up with their own ways of occupying their energy, especially if we help them. We usually can’t do much about intruding noises. We can only control our cat’s response.

With any relationship of trust, the cat will look to us to see what our response is. This will inform their own. I live in an area with a lot of winter, and a spate of rising temperatures will cause snow to rumble off the roof. It sounds like a freight train has derailed over our heads. The first few times this happened, Mr. Bond would look at me, and I’d shrug and say, “Oh, that’s just snow.” If I was sitting down, I’d lean back in my chair, the very picture of Not Worried About It.

Now Mr. Bond will flick his ears, and nothing more. He’s learned how to react to this sound by copying my response.

This was illustrated by the New Year’s Eve fireworks recently. We are quite near the launching point, and all the booms and whistles are upsetting to my bunch. The humans in the house make a point of acting and saying, “It’s no big deal.” This year, Puffy just sat on a chair, blinking occasionally, and Mr. Bond came out into the living room, where the noise is loudest, to show us how brave he was. We praised him elaborately. After a few minutes, he made a show of walking slowly… and hiding in the closet. After all, he no longer had anything to prove.

The first time RJ experienced fireworks, he was in the house with us and had the benefit of our modeling of the correct behavior. This past Fourth of July was different. We took a blanket out to the lawn to enjoy them.

When we came back, RJ was visibly apprehensive. Without our soothing presence, RJ found the big booms threatening.

It’s also probable that without us there to impress, Mr. Bond had simply hidden under the bed, reinforcing RJ’s worry.

For the rest of the evening, RJ parked himself at the end of the bed, where we were, with his eyes fixed on the doorway. We would cuddle him and talk to him, but each time he would return to his lookout post. By morning, when nothing else had happened, he was back to normal.

But this shows that even the most upsetting external stimuli can be toned down, and the cat desensitized to it. The main problem with these kinds of disruptions is that the cat doesn’t know what it means.

Being cats, they will assume the worst.

This creates anxiety, and the cat doesn’t know what to do about that, either. Then it will erupt in tension, aggression, or hiding.

Give them better ways to cope, and they will.

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I’m not talking about how loud the cat might be when they are looking for us in the house. I’m talking about the volume knob that controls how much sensory input the cat is taking in.

Cats are highly sensitive beings. They are more attuned to their environment than we can possibly be because their hearing is more acute in both the low and the high registers. Their vision is not as sharp in details as ours is, but they can see the glint of light off a dust mote drifting through the air. Their vision is better than ours at detecting motion, and this affinity for movement shapes their response to our body language.

more cat pictures

Cats are also sensitive emotionally. Their response to events is almost entirely based on how something makes them feel. They have some of our own ability to rationalize their own actions, as we can see when a failed acrobatic maneuver makes them pretend I meant to do that. They can talk themselves into listening to their curiosity instead of their caution if they think the circumstances are safe enough. But most of the time they will continue to be cautious, and alert. The consequences of a bad decision is something they feel very deeply.

What does this mean for we humans? We should be sensitive ourselves to how cats react to stimulus. Even the pleasurable acts of grooming, petting, and playing with our cats can be too stimulating. For the cat to handle the vast input they get from our interactions, the cat needs to rely on our trust and love so they know how to handle the feelings that stem from us.

When a cat starts lashing their tail and biting at the comb or toy we are using, it’s a sign for us to back off and let them process the stimulus they already have, not add more. Many people “overcrank” the cat during play, becoming aggressive with their body language and pushing the cat into responding in kind.

They think that because the cat doesn’t leave, the cat is still enjoying it. But this is not so. Some cats will stand their ground, but it’s not out of pleasure. The cat feels they cannot back off, so the only thing they can do is to be more aggressive in their response. They are trying, in cat language, to make us stop.

We can also commit to training methods of persuasion, rather than coercion. Loud voices, wild body language, or physical methods will only make the cat afraid of us. They will totally forget whatever they were doing because our sudden angry presence is so threatening. An expression of dismay or sadness is much more effective at letting the cat know what they are doing is not something we like, and this will let them connect their actions with ours.

Even affection can be too much if the cat is not prepared for it. Suddenly grabbing the cat for a hug will not work as well as a slower approach, starting small, and then getting extravagant. Cats like physical contact more when we let them be mentally ready for it.

A lot of busyness and activity will often send the cat into one of their quiet spots, simply because it is too much for them to handle. They need a place that is not going to overwhelm them. It’s not that they don’t like us or want to be with us.

They just need their input to be at a lower volume.

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There’s more ways to understand our cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my posts on WHY CATS DO THAT.