Any time we hunt down a cat from a place they are not supposed to be and escort them out of the room… we might have created a fun new game.

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Over and over again, we show our cat that if they sneak into that place they will get chased and grabbed and carried out of there. We think we are training the cat. The cat thinks it is fun.

They might want Drama.

A cat’s ability to pretend is what is literally coming into play here. What better fun for a predator than to pretend to be prey, and then their friends stalk them and catch them? This is how kittens play.

This is what we’ve done.

What now? We’re not going to convince the cat it isn’t fun. If we get grumpy about it we simply confuse the cat; this was a game we invented for them, remember? So, knowing the dimensions of the dilemma, I made the best of it: I ramped it up to make it The Best Game Ever.

When we agree with our cat that this is a great game and we love to play with them, we have more control, rather than less. Instead of Bubby trying to get into the basement every single time I opened the door, I would agree to play with him. Then we would have a lovely stretch of bonding time. I would then have access to the basement without slamming a part of me, or him, in the door in a vain attempt to stop him.

We also got a great game.

We could play it for fifteen minutes, as both of us became increasingly theatrical and emotional. Bubby loved hearing how much I missed him and loved him; I loved hearing him say the same thing. And then, when he felt the moment was right, he would appear and run toward me and get swept into my arms.

It was like two movie stars running towards each other through a wheat field. Well, okay, it was a person and a cat running towards each other across a concrete floor. But the emotion was there.

I no longer have a basement, or Bubby; he was fourteen when he developed pancreatic cancer. But the Game lives on; many an evening Mr. Bond will sit in the hallway and cry, and I will get out of bed and hunt for him, and when he appears, he gets swept into my arms and we go to bed together.

If we have a cat with the proper imagination and outlook, we can easily fall into these games; without realizing it. We can become frustrated with our cat’s misbehavior, we could puzzle over why it makes no sense, we could even exclaim to them, This isn’t a game!

But then again… maybe it is.

Maybe our cat is right.

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Any delay, and dramatic starvation begins. The wailing! The urgency! The drama!

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The connection between dinner and the survival imperative will awaken any cat’s Inner Lawrence Olivier. But we can expand on this tendency, and encourage our cat to act out more of their wishes. This shortens our distance between two points; our wish to give them the best care, and figuring out what they want and need.

For cats, wants and needs are the same thing.

This is why I say “every cat comes with their own instruction manual.” If they aren’t happy, our cats are eager to let us know how we can change that.

It’s not just practical. It’s also fun. When we have open communication with our cats, we get to play games and get each other’s jokes.

What encourages any actor? The audience.

When we become a respectful and responsive audience, our cat will try harder to get their point across. Here’s some tips for doing just that:

Focus on them. Cats stare at us. We can return the favor. Try not to fix them with a blank faced stare; this can be misconstrued. Put a smile on our face and study them. Follow the stripes on a tabby, or admire their cute paws or beautiful eyes. When we make eye contact, slowly close and open our eyes.

This show of interest will intrigue our cat, who will love the attention. When we are doing it right, we will get a stretched paw, flickering ears, or a verbal inquiry. Say their name in a loving tone to keep the dialogue active.

Mimic them. If our interest makes our cat get up and stretch, so should we. If our cat walks around, we can follow them, saying Show me! If our cat drifts near their toys or treats, see if we can’t get our cat to more assertively let us know what they want.

Don’t frustrate them, especially if we are both new to this game. RJ will run around when I say Show me! but he has not learned to go right to the things he wants. So if our cat seems curious, but aimless, drift to the toybox and get a reward going, just for the interaction.

End big. That’s an important rule in show biz. We should make sure our game ends with something that our cat will remember, and want to initiate again.

An incident of toys, treats, or affection are great ways to keep our cat wondering how that happened, and what they can do to make it happen again.

Don’t worry about them catching on.

Mostly, that’s what they do.

See more posts about training with drama.

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We may feel silly talking to our cat.

But how else are they going to learn?

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While cats in the wild use vocalization to find their kittens or intimidate dangerous animals, science has found that cats vocalize most when they are attempting to communicate with humans. They do it for us.

Good communication is a vital cat care skill. And it might just be my favorite part.

I explain everything to the cats. But while I try not to expect too much from their comprehension, I also try not to underestimate their understanding.

Even if our cats do not understand any of our words, even if we are explaining a bad day at work which involves people and procedures they don’t have a clue about, even if we expound on quantum physics or nihilism; we are always doing much more than making incomprehensible noises.

Here’s what our cats get out of even the most obscure human speech:

Association. The more we talk with our faces, hands, and bodies, the more our cats can figure out the meaning of our words. That’s because cats are keen students of body language, and have been compiling data on us since we met.

Our cat, no matter how intelligent, will not be able to help with our thesis or come up with a strategy for world peace. This is not in their skill set. But they can become remarkable students of us. We are important to them, and they are intent on figuring us out.

Emotion. Cats love to hear emotional tones in our voice. Try it yourself: speak to the cat in a robotic monotone. Then say the same things in a bright and happy voice.

Most cats are attracted to the happy voice, and will act apprehensive or puzzled by the robot voice. That’s because it has no emotional content; and emotional cues are the ones cats use to decipher what we mean.

Attention. No matter what we do or say, as long as we are not angry or loud, cats love to listen.

When we are looking into their eyes and explaining something that means a lot to us, cats thrill to being the focus of our attention. It might not be about them, but it feels like it is.

By using these principles and techniques, we might be surprised at how well our cats can come to grasp quite sophisticated concepts. They can figure out what we want. They can attempt to show us what they want.

Just as the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, so our communication journey with our cats starts with a single word; their name. Call to them, tell them something, and listen when they answer back.

There’s no telling how far we will go. Together.

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Because, first thing in the morning, he’s started doing The Takeoff.

That’s what I call the cat communication move that is designed to make us get out of bed and follow them… into the kitchen.

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To perform The Takeoff, the cat jumps onto the bed and putters around to give us a chance to become as excited about breakfast as they are. If we are doing things right, we ignore them… because it’s not time to get up yet. (As the days grow longer, and the windows brighter, the cats worry that I’m oversleeping.)

This is their cue to leap off the bed with as much force and speed as possible. They “take off” from the edge and thunder into the kitchen. I’m supposed to get just as excited as they are, and follow them.

While I’m usually not appreciative at the time, I do find it amazing that cats have the awareness and intelligence to mime the actions they are asking of me. They understand that they are gaining my attention, they hope their excitement is catching, and since other cats love to chase them, perhaps I will join in, too.

The cats don’t always bother me in the mornings. But spring, between Daylight Saving Time and more sun in the mornings, can throw off their perception of when I’m supposed to get up. I also spent a month catching the bus, where I got up an hour earlier. So, being cats, they want to err on the side of caution. Certain mornings, they will test. To make sure.

It’s a little sad that good cat training means I cannot fall for The Takeoff first thing in the morning. This is a move they don’t use unless subtler means have failed, and if I’m awake, subtler hints will be noticed, and acted upon. So The Takeoff remains a desperation move that doesn’t work, but this does not dampen their hopes.

One thing that always makes me smile into my pillow is their willingness to do this over and over again. Or at least until I wake up enough to tell them It’s not time yet and tap the alarm clock to remind them that it has not gone off.

This tells them that I’m aware of the time, the alarm, and the importance of breakfast.

Unfortunately, this can remind Olwyn that if she works on the alarm, and presses all the buttons, she can sometimes make the alarm go off. It isn’t very often, and I’m glad of that.

According to the rules of the game, if she succeeds in making the alarm go off, I then have to get up and feed them.

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We might regard that as good or bad, but when it comes to cat/human friendship, misunderstandings aren’t funny; they’re sad.

Here’s some of the most common ways good intentions go awry.

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The Deadly Belly. As I explain in Cat Affection Move: The Belly, people mistake the cat’s belly move for a dog’s. Dogs like having their bellies vigorously rubbed on the slightest pretext. Cats don’t.

We are far better off admiring the belly. We can pretend we are going to pet the belly… and then we don’t. We can point to the belly, and wiggle our fingers as though we are petting the belly; but we are not.

These kinds of mental games are enjoyable, and safe, ways to reciprocate the trust the cat is showing with by exposing their belly; without pushing it too far.

The Smacked Head. Just as a cat extends their head to show interest, we stick our big palm in their face and bounce it on the top of their head.

We think we’re being affectionate. The cat thinks we are threatening a beat down.

Rubbing their chest is a far better way to show respect and gentleness. And… guess what? Dogs like it better, too. Remember to use the Fist of Friendship.

The Air Rescue. Suddenly being yanked upward by our collarbones is a good thing when it’s our fifth day at sea and the emergency rations have run out. But it’s always a terrible way to pick up our cat.

Our cat might be pickup-shy because we’re always doing it the wrong way. We should use both hands; or forearms, if we have a large cat. Slide one hand under their chest, and use the other to scoop up their powerful hindquarters.

Remember, cat spines are incredibly flexible; but this also makes them prone to torsion and uncomfortable positions if they are picked up as though they were teddy bears or human infants. They are neither of those things.

We can get our cat used to being picked up by using a cat affection move I call The Forklift. This is another way to let our cat know we want to hug them; not hang them.

The biggest way we send the wrong signals to cats is to mistake the cat for someone else; for a dog, a baby, or a stuffed animal.

If we treat them as though they were a cat, it’s amazing how much more happily they respond.

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It shows how much communication means to them.

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Cats don’t act things out for each other. We might not realize that they have a sophisticated communications system that already works well.

I’ve seen cats convey concepts like, You try that mysterious device first, The squirrel is back at the computer room window, and The bowls have vanished from the kitchen! Yet, to my human eyes and ears, it’s been only a brief bit of nudge-nudge-wink-wink.

But humans need to have it, more or less, spelled out for them. And that’s why some of my brightest cats, and even my not so brightest, dramatize their needs and wants for me.

Especially after they know it works.

Puffy would drag himself over to our feet and raise… one… trembling… paw. He was really good, and he would usually get something for his performance.

Mr. Bond likes to play hide and seek from behind my laptop screen. Even if he’s making a big fuss about hiding behind it.

While Olwyn likes to come into the kitchen, and ask us why we’ve summoned her there. Whether we have, or not.

How can we let our cat know we like these performances? How can we encourage them to try more dramatic license?

Watch them. We might be surprised at how the cat reacts when we pay attention to them, even when they are not asking for it. Cats will try to see how they can reliably attract our attention for future reference.

Study them. If our cat is trying to snag our attention, what do they do with it? If they roll over, extend a paw, or flop down on us, they are asking for affection. But if they act coy, and twirl around, they are asking us to follow them.

Respond to them. Get up, or move in their direction, using a phrase like Show me, which will always signal the cat that we are ready to observe what they would like us to observe. Perhaps we will figure it out when we get there. Perhaps we will need more help.

Cats will continue to do whatever gains, and expands, our attention. The more we appreciate, and applaud, their efforts, the more they will try to communicate.

Every actor needs an audience.

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So we can best help a shy cat, calm an angry cat, or draw out a scared cat, when we get more beings into this effort.

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One of the problems of the shy, angry, or scared cat is that they are not sure how to interpret what we are saying, and how to tell if we are sincere. Other people or cats may have a way of reaching this cat.

If the troubled cat finds two sources telling them the same thing, then our message is more believable. This creates new training possibilities.

Dogs getting treats always draws the cats, too, because the central “getting a treat” concept is easy for them to pick up, even if they don’t want the treats in question. It’s the principle of the thing.

This makes the cats and dogs look more kindly at each other. This makes them less prone to chase each other and be annoying. In other degrees, this applies to children, teenagers, parakeets, and other brainy creatures if we have them.

When the troubled cat sees other beings having a good time with us, it’s easier for them to see themselves having a good time with us.

We don’t need a troubled cat to see the advantages of having more attachments. Cat companions keep our pets from getting lonely. Cats who enjoy our frequent visitors make their visits more fun. Any steps we take to encourage respect, and enforce it, creates benefits for us, now and in the future.

People often try the reduction method when it comes to personality clashes in the home. This is when we try to take things away to solve the problem. We keep certain pets in certain rooms, or we order certain parties to leave each other alone.

But if this is not working, or not working as well as we’d like it to, we can try the addition method, which provides the missing personality element. We can do this ourselves, or by getting another pet.

The addition method is particularly useful if we are faced with a need on the part of the cat. We can’t ask a thirsty cat to go without water. We can’t ask a lonely cat to adjust to loneliness.

As a social creature ourselves, we prefer the company of other social creatures. So we all need each other.

No matter who we are.

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But this can also be the bad news.

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This can happen with cats because of stressful events which are not caused by them. But if we speak to our cats with such stresses in our voice, our cat will know we are upset, and they will think it is because of them.

This becomes even harder when the stress in our voice is because of them, but it’s not their fault. Maybe they have lost a companion, or had to move to a new place, or are struggling with an illness of their own.

As a child, we might have had the experience of getting lost or coming home late, and being greeted with confusing signals from our parents. As parents, we might have had the experience of feeling these confusing signals. Our relief at their safe return clashes with our anxiety about what might have happened to them.

This results in the classic, I’m so glad you’re okay that I’m ready to murder you.

When we try to interact with our cat in the midst of all this stress, our cat flees at the sound of our voice. We didn’t mean it that way, but now we don’t even get comfort from our cat, and we can’t even comfort our cat.

Here’s some tips for fixing this situation:

Calm ourselves down. We might think we’re doing okay. But when our cat flees from us, that might be a clue. It’s better for everyone if we take some deep breaths, even in the midst of whatever is going on.

Whatever the bad situation is, we might not fix it by getting a grip and letting go of our anxieties for the moment. But we certainly aren’t making it better.

Approach with love. If we are trying to comfort our cat, we should sound comforting. Think of how much we love our cat, and let the love show in our voice. Our cat’s keen hearing, almost like a science fiction lie detector, can pick up our real feelings.

That is what they should be hearing.

Don’t fight sadness. If we are sad, cats come to comfort us. If we are fighting to not feel sadness, that’s an entirely different emotion; one that repels cats.

Often, we try to cope with a tough situation by denying that it is one. But that just creates more stress, when we need that energy; not to deny that these things are happening, but to figure out what to do with them.

It turns out our cats are just trying to help us out with this feedback to our state of mind. When we are not struggling at cross purposes, and when we are honest about our losses, our cat can’t help but respond.

So don’t project conflicting and negative emotions towards our cat, and expect them to sort them out.

Especially when we have trouble doing that, ourselves.

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But cats? Many people are puzzled by cats.

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Cats are subtle.

But that doesn’t mean it is difficult to tell. It means we don’t know what to look for. Cats best project their state of happiness by being happy. What do cats do when they are happy?

Are they lying around in full view? Are they stretched out over prominent pieces of furniture? Do they appear when we do something they find interesting? In short… are they noticeable?

As we become adept at noticing the cat, we notice how well the cat enjoys being noticed. Meeting eyes, brushing by each other in the hallway, or studying us from a comfy spot are all cat compliments. If we do not acknowledge these in some way, we are not being friendly.

We encourage the cat to notice us by noticing them.

Saying their name or sharing a facial expression with our cats is a fun way to draw out any cat. It is especially appreciated by shy cats who need some encouragement. In return, cats will advance to more assertive ways to notice us, like discussing it with us or pointedly walking over our spheres of activity, and our persons.

We shape our communication by objecting to each other’s most obnoxious part in the transaction, and we get a routine that we both like.

In the couple of hours leading up to dinnertime, all of our cats come up with ways to discuss this important matter. This is an easy way to interact with the cats, enjoy each other’s company, and get some petting in.

Cats will put a paw on our arm, or talking, or both, as Mr. Bond is doing now. At some point, I’ll pick him up for a hug. He has to feel acknowledged throughout the process. This is how we both keep our doors open for the ongoing relationship.

So don’t short-circuit our cat training by not taking these opportunities when we can. This allows us to manage the cat’s needs in a way which also fits our schedule.

Just as they show affection in ways that work for them, they accept affection from us in ways that work for us.

It only takes either of us to recognize that the signals might be different… but the love is the same.

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Wait a minute. Don’t cats hate to be laughed at? Yes, that’s right.

Cats don’t like feeling the joke is on them.

If the cat makes us laugh, on purpose, the joke is on us. Our cat likes that perfectly well.

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Lively cats who wear their personalities on their sleeve are so enjoyable we wonder how we can encourage more such behavior. Often, our laughter and attention is all a cat needs to keep performing.

But there’s things we can do to bring out the “ham” in our cat.

Invite the cat to feel comfortable with us. We might not realize it, but cats are always monitoring our reactions for clues about how our behavior affects them. If we are relaxed and encouraging, even when things take an unexpected turn, our cat will feel confident about continuing.

If our cat is walking along the back of the sofa, and we applaud them and make circus sound effects, that’s encouraging them. Even if they lose their balance and fall in a way that dumps someone’s beverage on the carpet.

Our cat never anticipated that could happen. And maybe we should have. So, no harm, no foul. We clean it up without a fuss and tell the cat we’ll both be more careful next time.

Respond the way the cat likes. We will show our appreciation by doing something the cat likes, not dislikes. This seems simple, but we often don’t think of how loudness and waving limbs, no matter how well meant, doesn’t always convey positive messages to our cats.

We can say whatever we want… we just have to lower our voices to a whisper at first, so as not to spook the cat. If the cat looks back over their shoulder at us, all they need is a smile and a long slow blink and they will know we like it.

Give the thing a name. Don’t ask the cat to “walk on the back of the couch like you did that time.” This is too long and has too many ambiguous cues.

If we call it “tightrope walk,” the cat will know what we mean.

This will also help us teach the cat to do tricks and amaze our friends.

Go professional. Get some proper equipment and take up cat training. Do a few things each day, as part of playing with our cat and giving them treats, and before we’re aware of it, we have a trained cat.

Clicker training is a natural for cats, because they can’t help paying attention to the clicker sound.

Puzzle boxes will intrigue the cat. If we give them one of their own, whether they ever open it on their own, or watch us do it, this box will become a cat favorite. Making more things a cat’s favorite things increases our communication.

It makes it easy to increase our enjoyment in our cat.

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