The Way of Cats

When the cat feels we have let them down, they will unleash their disapproval with a stern Turned Back.

Seeing the cat’s back, in itself, means nothing. If they are asleep or observing something, they will often have their backs to us. But if they notice our attention and then turn their back, we have been dissed.

Here, Mr. Bond demonstrates that he’s had enough picture taking for a while, by deliberately reclining with his back to me.

If he’s happy with me, he will recline facing me, so we can exchange discussion and affection.

But this time, he’s indicating, I’ve gone too far.

I’ve apologized, and soon he’ll be back against my leg. This was a minor transgression, easily overlooked.

The times I’ve forgotten to tell him I’ll be late, he’ll be waiting for me in the hallway; waiting for his chance to turn his back.

Being shunned is the cat’s way of telling us we have hurt their feelings. It’s up to us to make a fuss over them and show that we care about their opinion. Then they will forgive us.

This is also an indicator of how the cat regards our own “turned back.” If we are too busy to pay attention to them, or worse, do not respond to their overtures of affection, they will be hurt, but also confused. They might not have done anything to warrant us acting this way. They will worry about it, and might even misbehave. Bad attention is better than no attention.

Of course, there might be times when they have done something we are unhappy about. We owe it to them to let them know that, and acting hurt by their actions. They understand that, and will strive to not disappoint us again.

That is, if we care about the relationship, and show that we care.

The only way a cat will care about disappointing us is if we show we care about their feelings, too. How can our regard, our respect, and our affection hold their place in their hearts if we act like we don’t care about their own preferences?

If they want to be told before the vacuum cleaner makes an appearance, tell them. If they want a fuss made over dinner, make a fuss. If they want a new toy unveiled with a bit of drama, let’s open the curtains and put on a show!

Cats, being homebodies to their very core, rely on us to create their world. It is up to us make their world a pleasant and nurturing place. Cats rely on their dignity and approval to mean something to us. Thus, their disapproval is usually the strongest protest they can make.

If we are sensitive to their feelings, and take them seriously, that will be the strongest protest they need to make. We should cultivate diplomacy with our cats with the same delicacy we wish others would regard our own feelings.

Maybe we can’t get the same deference in the wider world. But in our mutual home, we can get it from our cats.

Especially if we give it, first.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.

Cats love feeling in control of their environment. Giving them opportunities to influence our behavior will increase their confidence and security.

Here, we see RJ taking the advantage and rolling the die in one of my Konfuse-A-Kat games.

We roll the die and do something; he rolls the die, and we do something again.

This game, called Gesture, is played with a die that displays the words rock, paper, and scissors on the various faces.

By throwing the die, and using the appropriate gesture to pet the cat, we have a petting game that will draw them in.

We are laying the foundation for blending our verbal language with our body language. By saying the names of the different gestures, we give the cat a good reason to learn them.

RJ likes the game so much he can be lured from one room to another, simply by my making the three gestures, silently, with my hands.

When I announce the game is starting, Mr. Bond will appear and join in. If Puffy is going by, he gets roped in. This is a great bonding game for multiple cats.

Giving the cats something to enjoy, together, is always a good move to promote harmony.

So make gametime something that every cat can enjoy, even if we have to choose a new toy for each cat.

Encourage the cats to be happy in each other’s presence, even if some of them do not interact much.

Make sure we have a good time, too.

That’s the recipe for a happy cat family.

Find out more about Konfuse-A-Kat.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.

This delightful video shows how much cats enjoy hide and seek.

Cats will use their hunting instincts to become very good at the game. Here’s some tips to get started:

Explain, using their name. We need to reassure the cat that what we are doing is fun. We will want to call to them from where we are hidden, or let them know we are still searching for them. We need to use their name, but not always in a way that will make them feel they should come to us.

We will say things like, “Where is Raffles? Where is he hiding?” If we are hiding, we say, “Raffles, come find me.” Using their name first, when we want them to come, and later in the sentence, when we are searching for them, will let the cat know what to expect.

We demonstrate the complicated parts. Start by hiding, and calling the cat to come find us. Give it five minutes, then stop the game. We can expect to do it a few times, but the more we communicate, the faster the cat will grasp our meaning.

Sneak up on the cat, and make a fuss over having “found them.” They will enjoy the attention, and seek it out.

Be patient. Start small, and make the game more complicated as both of us bring our talents to it. Be alert to even small signals from the cat. Timid cats will need more encouragement to be bold and bossy.

Enjoy yourself, convey that enjoyment to the cat, and it will be a fun game no matter how well each of us play it.

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Like tickling in humans, teasing in cats is okay to do in direct proportion to how much the object of the teasing is actually enjoying it.

The cat will enjoy the cartoon menace of our teasing actions as long as the cat is in on the joke. Or it’s not a joke.

In the picture at left, RJ is being menaced by the Villain Hands of Dear Husband. His legs are still outstretched, he’s alert but not frightened. This game is only funny because both RJ and Dear Husband know that the Villain Hands aren’t really threatening.

The game ends with RJ being cuddled by the Villain Hands. Oh, so that’s what they were up to! Funny Villain Hands.

We all tease to show affection; as long as it is only teasing. The cat is an excellent barometer of how well the teasing is being taken. They will leave if they don’t like it. Always leave them an avenue to leave the teasing. Never chase them or force our teasing on them after they have left.

Once a cat feels secure, they will tease back. We can enjoy being teased by encouraging the cat to interact with us, and express a willingness to follow them or let our attention be directed by them. This will let the cat know we are sharp enough to get the joke once they go to the trouble of setting it up.

RJ, seen here at nine months, is still developing his sense of humor, and he has considerable natural talent. He made up a game in which he sees us going into the room with the computer and he races us to the chair. He gets there first, of course, and spreads himself over the chair to look up at us winningly. We have to pick him up and hold him on our lap when we sit down. After all, he got there first.

Another great trick is the one he pulled on Puffy, who was drinking water under the chair. RJ was carrying around a fluffy toy, so he jumped up on the chair, then dropped the fluffy toy on Puffy’s behind.

He was teasing Puffy, but in a way we, and Puffy, have taught him Puffy doesn’t mind.

Because Puffy looked around confusedly, wondered what he had been doing, noticed he was near the water mug, couldn’t remember if he had been drinking, checked to see if he was still thirsty, decided he wasn’t, and went back to his lair.

We don’t mind that kind of Puffy sequence. Neither does Puffy.

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There’s more ways to understand our cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my posts on WHY CATS DO THAT.