The Way of Cats

No matter what breed you have, or what their coat is like, a consistent grooming schedule is an important part of good cat care. It’s a bonding ritual that will let you and your cat have fun times together, gets them used to handling, and helps you keep tabs on their health status. Here’s how to get this process started at any age.

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Grooming does more than reduce shedding and hairballs. Grooming lets the cat get used to human contact, by persuading them with a feel-good reward that is built into the process. If our cat is hand shy, or skittish about contact, a consistent grooming schedule is a way to connect with the cat.

• Start slow. Kittens will regard it as a game, adults will regard it as an intrusion. They will learn to see the fun in your approach with comb (long hairs) or brush (short hairs.) Start with a few strokes along the back, like petting, and with adults, try the back of the neck and then a face touch up. Follow with a treat. Let them wrestle with the tool at first. Later, when they learn to enjoy it for its own sake, they will stop doing that.
• Don’t push. This isn’t a task to be completed. Grooming stimulates the cat and they can get rowdy. If this happens, stop. It’s time for a treat. As the cat learns to relax and enjoy the petting aspect, you can cover more territory in a grooming session.
• Once the cat enjoys the grooming, don’t start with the face. Start with the tail, and work your way towards the face, which is their favorite part to be groomed. This way they learn to wait for their favorite part, and have more tolerance for touchy areas like hindquarters and belly. If they bail midway, let them. Come back the next day to go over the missed parts. Remember, fun.
• They will probably want the treat anyway, but get some token strokes in before you give it to them. Otherwise, they will milk the stuation.
• Take this opportunity to check their ears, their paws, and their teeth. They will put up with it for the reward they know is coming, which is the face fussing as much as the treat.
• Enjoy it. Get some petting and ear rubbing and affection in, and make it part of the grooming ritual.
• Don’t be offended if they go off and do touchups on your handiwork. This is part of coming down from the stimulation of the grooming, which cranks the cat up.

Grooming isn’t always about keeping the cat looking good, since most of them feel they are quite capable of that, thank you. Grooming is a way to connect with the cat and take care of them. So approach it with love, and they will respond.

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Drawing out scaredy cats is a process where we make a space for the cat that they are too timid to make for themselves. If a cat has been traumatized by ill treatment, or is simply shy and overwhelmed by all the recent changes in their life, we must “turn down the volume” for them so they have a chance to calm down and think.

This will give them more confidence, and they will venture out more and more.

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The first step in a calmer space is to use signals the cat can understand even if they are under stress. Fleeing is the panic mode setting in, and the cat should not be thwarted in seeking hiding places, or dislodged from them if possible.

Rescue Remedy, (see below,) found in health food stores, is a safe, natural calmer that you can put in their water. A Feliway, (see below,) dispenser is like cat pheromones; undetectable to humans, but broadcasts calming messages to the cat. The cat has to calm down before they can think clearly enough to properly interpret our overtures. A perfectly sweet gesture can be misunderstood by a cat who fears the worst, and panicked cats always fear the worst.

We can quicken the process by making our presence reassuring. Before we leave for work, make a fuss about calling them, and leave treats or a toy somewhere, so they can find them and think nicely of us.

Go into rooms where we know they are hiding, and talk softly to them and about them. Get down on the floor when we do this, if possible, or sit in a chair. When they do see us, we will have a lower, less threatening profile. They want to study us, so make it easy for them.

Even if they aren’t there, make a few minutes of playtime. Rattle some toys around, talk about what fun we’d be having… if only they were here.

Be patient with every sighting. Enjoy every second more they accept our presence and find something to enjoy in it. As the process goes further, it will pick up speed.

Some scaredy cats find the wide open spaces of their new home a bit intimidating. Whether they have spent a long time in a shelter cage, or were trying to survive on the street by hiding, many scaredy cats are used to small spaces where at least they knew what was around them and could see it coming.

Help them reorient themselves by giving them their own spaces to hide in. Cat tunnels, a box with a blanket in it, or other spaces that we give to them can coax them out from under the bed. If we have a serious case, we can give then their own room, or even a dog crate, where they have quick access to their litter box, water, and food. This might be what they used to. Even though it is not the ideal we would like for them, we must be patient and let them grow into it. Litter box issues are solved if we give them such easy access, and not making them negotiate territory they are still not sure of.

When we are home, we can feed them special treats, which will help create a bond. This is not being cruel. This is helping the cat feel secure.

There’s one more thing you can do. All cats love to hear their origin stories. We can’t tell the stories without putting love in our voice. Make a bedtime ritual to where ever they are at bedtime, of telling how we got them, and how glad we are.

That might be the first thing they come out to hear.

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There is a kind of cat where people say, “The cat is crazy! They come by, wanting affection, and then bam!”

Aggressive cats exhibit their hostile behavior when they feel overwhelmed. Once the response is in place, it doesn’t matter if the cat is actually cornered or being attacked. If the cat feels overwhelmed in any way, they will choose to respond aggressively if they have been habituated to that response.

They are made that way, not born that way.

That’s why aggressive cats can attack during grooming, petting, and other situations we expect to be pleasurable for the cat. They are pleasurable, and this alone can overstimulate the cat. They don’t know what to do with all this emotion, and if the cat doesn’t know how else to respond, they will attack.

The cat’s people can inadvertently trigger this response when they rough house with the cat. Young males are especially prone to doing this, but anyone who knows how much dogs like it might try it with their kitten or cat, not realizing that a certain personality is not going to leave when the play becomes too rough. Since the cat is still responding to it, and not running away, the person falls under the delusion that the cat likes it. What the cat is doing is trying to make the person stop by increasing their aggressive response.

Any cat who has suffered from aggression in the past can feel trapped and then lash out. Whether it was a street encounter or an abusive owner, we can come across a cat who seems so sweet and well-behaved; until they suddenly aren’t any more.

The first step in rehabilitating an aggressive cat is to stop treating it like a normal cat. It’s not. Like any victim of trauma, the cat is oversensitive and apt to lose their calm in a split second. So we must do our best to not be physical with the cat. Don’t pet them, don’t try to coax them onto a lap, and give them a wide berth.

We shouldn’t ignore them; we can talk to them, slowly blink our eyes at them in “cat kisses,” and otherwise make overtures, such as putting down some treats, announcing it is for them, and walking away. We are trying to let the cat know we are not going to make any moves right now. Then they don’t have to guard against us making moves they have difficulty interpreting.

If the cat is lying in wait for the unwary to come by, we should set up a room for the cat and let them live there for a while. This type is a madly overcranked cat, who needs a lot of peace and quiet to get their head together. Time alone, where they don’t have to worry about other creatures they see as possibly threatening, is a healing time they badly need. If they miss us, good! If they want affection, they need to know how to behave in order to give and get it.

If the cat comes over and rubs our leg or talks to us, respond, but only verbally. We naturally tend to pet the cat when this occurs, but this is too much stimulation for a cat on a hair trigger. We don’t feel comfortable after a few incidents, and we can’t help but translate this wariness into our body language. Then the cat will think we are up to something, and gets more nervous. Stop it at the source by resolving that we will let the cat make all the overtures. If they want to display affection, let them. Just don’t move at all while they are doing it.

If the cat is in a room because of unprovoked attacks, make noises before going into the room with food and water so we don’t startle them. If the cat growls or otherwise acts upset, just do the minimum and get out. The cat is not ready yet. They have to miss us before they can make progress.

Over time, the cat will start making overtures to our hands. This is when we have a breakthrough. We still don’t respond, except verbally, but we can let the cat use our hand to pet them. We don’t make the moves, still. But now the cat is forming a bond with us. Trust will follow.

Help the cat de-stress by using calming tactics, and providing toys for them to play with. We don’t want to hold the toys in our hands or make a lot of movement. Toss the toy if the cat seems interested, but at all times we make slow movements, and also announce that we are going to.

Cats will observe and understand if we keep giving them notice about what we are doing. Remember, while we think the cat is acting unpredictably, the cat is thinking we are the ones behaving that way.

Once the cat is insistent on interacting with our hands, now is the time to wiggle a finger. Don’t make any moves towards their head; this is a behavior which can seem threatening. Wait until the finger is under their chin or on their chest. These are the safest places to exhibit some overtures. Don’t be fooled by a belly display. Showing us their belly indicates some trust, but only at a distance at this point. Continue the soothing words and admiration in our voices about how far they have come.

Slowly, slowly, the cat will enjoy a chest nudge or a chin rub. We will always be moving slowly with the cat, at quiet times when we know we won’t be interrupted. The rest of the time, let the cat go about their routines, getting security from the food appearing on time, their water being fresh, and their litter being clean. These are ways we show our love, and the cat will appreciate it.

Time is our ally. We can’t get impatient with the cat’s progress. A traumatized cat has to build up trust, and that doesn’t happen on our schedule. We have to let the cat indicate their level of healing, and work with them. As time goes on, let the cat move towards more interaction with us, at their own pace.

When the day comes, and it will come, that we can relax and rub our foreheads against the cat’s head in total love and trust, we will be amazed at what we have accomplished.

The cat is no longer crazy.

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There’s more to raising and training a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CAT TRAINING TIPS.