Craft work of any kind is a mystery to me; my grandmother spent one summer trying to teach me to knit, but I don’t have dexterity and that’s all there is to it.

But people who knit with cats around are really asking for it.

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Cats find a ball of yarn irresistible. It’s a ball! It’s yarn! When the human starts playing with the yarn our cat’s heart warms up like cooked toffee. Let’s do this together!

Of course, we could lock ourselves in a room, away from the cats, to do our knitting. But, judging from my grandmother’s experience, this defeats the soothing purpose of such yarn crafts, which let us sit with others, watch a show, chat, and still make progress on our project.

Back in the day, yarn would have had the animal scent from the sheep the wool came from. Alpaca can offer the same pull, but even synthetic yarn is overwhelmingly attractive.

The appeal of yarn is in our cat’s “thing for string.” Such long, flexible, and manipulatable objects trip our cat’s predatory instincts. Their brains insist that this is prey.

Yarn, with its thick texture and complicated surfaces, is an even more appealing prey analog than most strings. When a human starts weaving the yarn into new and moving shapes, what we are creating is an irresistible object.

The classic appeal of a ball of yarn, to a cat, is now becoming clear. It contains elements of so many of their favorite toys. With this much attractive power, it is a vain quest to convince the cat that they don’t want to play with our yarn.

I asked the crafter behind the cute hats at Crafty Critters Creations (Facebook link) how she manages with three cats. Her favorite technique is to keep most of her current project inside her craft bag. Whatever she is doing above the bag is not so obviously made of yarn.

We can also use the concept I call yours and mine. We can give our cat a piece of knitting, all lumpy or fringey or both, of their own to play with.

This works much better than giving them a length of yarn, or even their own ball. When the cat’s brain is telling them it’s prey! even cats who know it’s not real can fall under the spell of prey simulation, and follow it all the way to the end… and swallow it all the way to the end.

Yarn toys appeal to cats. So when the craft bag comes out, so should a version for our cats. If they can’t leave ours alone, they are indicating this is a drive that cannot be extinguished, only redirected.

Trying to “train” the cat to ignore yarn is like putting a cake in front of a hungry person, and continually telling them not to think about cake.

It’s difficult to imagine that working, either.

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I lock him in the bathroom to get some sleep, he fiddles with the deadbolt and locks himself in. We leave him alone with a child-proof pillbox, and he opens it. I had to replace my bedside table with another piece of furniture because his increased musculature means he keeps tipping it over. I couldn’t get him to leave a certain bedroom lamp alone, no matter what. There was always some emergency he had to declare, once he discovered how to play with the lamp in a way I couldn’t ignore, so we moved the lamp to another room.

This can seem like a suspicious state of affairs for a person giving cat advice. Why am I having so much trouble getting my cat to obey?

I’m not. I’m not trying to get my cat to obey. I’m trying to get his needs met. These are two different things.

One path leads to frustration and hurt feelings. The other leads to cooperation and love.

Aren’t I supposed to enforce compliance on my animals?

Aren’t I supposed to order their lives for my own convenience?

This kind of attitude presupposes I care about compliance and convenience more than any other consideration. It works well as a way of ranking alarm clock performance, not our web of relationships.

There’s an easy system, already invented, that makes sure we aren’t put out by the needs of others. It’s called living alone.

But since I’ve decided I want a home furnished with love; my way works beautifully.

Even though cats don’t obey, they can have varying levels of accepting influence. This depends on their cat type.

We can keep our Gamma cat away from the stereo with a gasp of dismay; our Gamma will conclude there’s something scary about that area of the room, and they decide to stay away from it. We can get upset about our Beta playing with the wires, and the Beta’s keen social conscience bothers them even when we aren’t in the room. Eventually, they decide to stay away from it. While an Alpha takes our attempts at warning them off as a challenge; should the stereo rise up and attack them, they can handle it! They accept the challenge, and they decide to keep tempting fate.

Nowhere in this thought process is there unquestioning obedience on the part of the cat. There are no such instincts to latch on to. Cats don’t have leaders. Cats won’t “obey.”

I don’t see this as always a plus, but I don’t see this as a minus, either. Because equality has its own joys. While I cannot simply arrange my cat’s routines to suit me, I also appreciate not having to “be the boss” all the time. I can relax and spoil my cats out of love, and this cannot undermine a leadership position that does not exist.

My cats also have self-governance in ways which make my tasks easier. When given a full bowl, they don’t eat it to the bottom within minutes. I can tip over the toy box and have them amuse themselves when I’m busy. When it’s their idea to leave something alone, I don’t need to keep reinforcing my commands.

Cats, in so many ways, are so much easier than any other pet; once I accept that they have their own ideas of what they have to do.

For many people, this is an alien form of thinking. There has to be somebody being told what to do, by someone else, at all times, or it’s anarchy. Everybody has a Boss!

But this is not a sensible way to be in loving relationships. It’s essential in the military and required at work, but at home what works best is a lot of mutual regard and consideration. I don’t care that some of these beings are not human. I only care that they try to make me happy; and I can easily do the same.

Love is the Great Leveler. The genuine article works to make both sides happy; there are no conflicting wants that cannot be negotiated.

If it doesn’t work that way; it’s not love.

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Piaget’s Preoperational stage is a human development concept. From the ages of 2 to 7, children advance in their learning about how the world works, though they still struggle with motives and physics. They might think we are mad at them when we refuse to do something that would lead to trouble; such as comply with their request to put hot sauce on their cookie.

This age is also a time when every interaction is scrutinized for hints of inequality; even if they do not understand the situation is inherently unequal, such as different bedtimes for a five year old and a fifteen year old.

In some ways, cats are mentally in this stage. Because they also misconceive motives and physics.

They are also intent on fairness.

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A cat’s understanding of fairness informs my own training concept of “yours and mine.” By being willing to offer a suitable substitute, we aren’t asking the cat to give up wanting something; which is impossible. We ask the cat to want something else that is just as good. And, yes, it does have to be just as good.

That’s where the fairness comes in.

If we have many cats, we know the way treat announcements or toy presentations gets everybody on board; even if individual cats don’t like those treats, or that toy. Not only does that particular cat need to check that it isn’t what they want; they want to make sure those other cats are not getting too much of an advantage in this department.

Trying to fool cats has two areas of pointlessness. Our cat knows the thing being offered is not what they want. We know we are offering a lesser alternative, or nothing at all.

Nothing at all is, of course, the worst possible offer. This is why it is rarely as simple as asking the cat to stop doing that. It’s not that they don’t want to be a cooperative member of our household. It’s that they are not programmed to stop wanting something.

They want it. They need it. They go after it.

To a cat, fairness covers everyone. They are fine about adjusting what they want, but we cannot ask them to go without.

This is how many cats and their people get into power struggles. The cat wants something, the person doesn’t want to give it to them, often for a good reason; yet without anyone recognizing the opportunities of fairness, the situation remains, generating bad feeling on both sides.

We don’t want to be outwitted by a being at the preoperational stage, do we?

Explore the generosity angle in cat training with Giving It to the Cat.

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I think that’s why this series has turned into the War and Peace of cat food posts. It’s not enough that we have constraints of finance and availability. Choice becomes further complicated by what our cats are willing to eat.

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Changing a cat’s mind about one of their most important joys is rarely simple. But there are ways of getting them to be more open about these changes.

Principles of Changing Cat Food:

Confidence. Changing our cat’s food can make us nervous; and then we make our cat nervous. So we must, at all times, method-act our way into utter assurance that they are going to love this new food. The first time we offer the new food, we tell them it’s been carefully vetted by us. Look at this cat on the label; they’re very happy about it. And it’s got HERRING in it, that’s why we picked it! And so forth.

It’s important to convey to our cat that we are not rocking their world just for chuckles. We want them to be happier and healthier. We must put the dish down on the floor with every confidence we are doing the right thing.

For more about this training tool, see Marketing to Cats.

Categories. When we are choosing a new food, we look for something of the same type, but better in some key areas. Like if our fussy cat is all kibble/dry food now, we’ll get a different dry food, but compare the “macronutrient counts” on the label. By finding a dry food with more protein and fat in the macronutrient count, we will know it has more of what our cat needs, and less of what they don’t; which is carbohydrate.

If canned is new to our cat, introduce it as a “treat,” using small amounts. If our cat is used to getting canned as a treat, we start serving “treats” more often. I don’t know any cat who is not in favor of that!

To compare a range of foods, see The Cat Food Calculator.

Comforts. Since cats are always careful about new things, the “new” part of the food should be kept to a minimum. If we are switching from one canned to another, or one dry food to another, we should mix some of the old with the new, or offer them side by side. That way, it will retain some of the proven qualities of the old food.

Try not to get upset when our cat acts like we are suddenly serving them dirt. Low quality dirt. They don’t understand why we are switching when things were just fine with them! A few seconds warming in the microwave will help, especially if we have been keeping the rest of the can in the refrigerator.

For more about why our cats are so fussy, see Dear Pammy, Why is my cat so fussy?

Concepts. We can retrain our cats to accept not just the new food, but a new routine, too. When we decided our four cats should get an upgrade to their EVO dry (which does not contain grains, but does contain vegetable starch,) we offered the new food with a lot of fuss; as a treat. Our cats were mildly enthused, then they warmed up to it more and more as they received it in places they enjoyed, such as their puzzle box.

We’ve upped the treat portion of their diet by using this new dry food as a treat. (Don’t tell them it’s good for them.) We’re already trying to de-emphasize their present dry food by offering other food, more often, and the visual trick of making their dish smaller.

This is the best we can do at this point; all of the cats would get anxiety attacks if that bowl should disappear. If it were just me, I would try toughing it out; but the cats spend all day with a soft-hearted fellow with a chronic illness. So this is as far as we can take this particular diet intervention, at this time.

Sometimes the best we can do, is simply, the best we can do. Our cats can be driven by a bad past or their instincts into less than optimum flexibility on such issues. We might not be able to change them. For more on such thoughts, see The Begging.

Cats often don’t like trying new food. Yet, once we offer something new often enough; it’s no longer new. Patience and persistence are the keys to getting our cats to accept “new foods.”

After The Big Cat Food Taste Test, we got two clear winners: Wellness, and Holistic Select.

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Despite the cat’s reputation as a demanding taskmaster, we do what we do because we love them.

It works both ways.

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When it comes to successful cat training, I can’t emphasize enough the reciprocal dance between ourselves and our cats that makes it all possible.

So often, people seek my expert cat advice by asking how they can “make” their cat do something. They are always baffled when I reply that we cannot “make” a cat do anything.

We can only make our cat want to do something.

It’s an indicator of how people look at pet training in general as they puzzle over my reply. They tell me that it seems my cats are trained. I can even tell my cats not to do something, and they don’t do it! How have I managed this amazing feat?

It’s easy. I love my cats, and they know it.

Like all principles, this is easier to state than to implement. Making it happen is where the communication, the understanding, and the all important persuasion comes in.

The preference for following their own decisions is hard-wired into our cats. This is where their reputation as “untrainable” comes in. This is where people tell me, with a straight face, that they prefer dogs because they can train them. In the meantime, their dog is busy yanking their leash arm from its socket while they try to lean close and ask me about the troubles they are having with housebreaking.

I know cats are actually easier to train because for many important care subjects, like their litter and scratching needs, we don’t have to train our cat at all. We simply need to provide the right things and then get out of their way.

No matter what age our cat might be or the kind of past our cat might have, they all want to be loved. Once we let them know we love them and we will do nice things for them because we love them, our cats will be driven to reciprocate.

They will strive to do things they know we like. They will struggle not to do things they know we don’t like. If we can communicate this vital information back and forth, each of us working to get what we need, each of us loving to get what we want; we have a wonderful cat relationship.

One where we have delightful, well-behaved cats, and smiling, contented, people.

So, is that my secret?

Yes it is, and no it isn’t.

I don’t want it to be a secret.

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If there’s another thing most pet parents agree upon, it is the difficulty of making the kitchen counters off limits to our cats.

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From our cat’s point of view, the attraction of the kitchen counters is obvious; this is where the magic happens.

This is ground zero for food preparation. No matter who that food might be for, or what that food consists of, the entire concept will always be a strong cat interest.

If we are having trouble conveying this house rule to our cats, we might be making some common mistakes that are undermining our efforts. Let’s rethink, and revamp:

Are we feeding the cats on the counters? It’s a sensible move to feed the cats on a section of the kitchen counter to keep dogs or toddlers out of the cats’ food. It’s handy, it’s easy to clean, it’s out of the reach of the ones we want it to be out of the reach of.

But are we seeing the trap we’ve set our cats? How are the cats to know what sections are marked off in our minds?

It can seem so obvious to us that we have given the cats only a section of the counter. But it is not at all clear to our cats without some kind of geographical marker, at the very least. Block off the cat’s section with some canisters or transfer their feeding station to a stand-alone table.

Cats need clear boundaries.

Have we given our cat a kitchen Outpost? With the built-in fascination of anything we do on the kitchen counters, it’s natural for cats to want to watch us in progress. If we haven’t given the cats a good place to do that, they will continue to try and find one.

We need to get over thinking that the cat can watch from the floor. Why don’t they do that? Because they can’t see from the floor, and they are also underfoot on the floor.

Do both of us a favor. Create, and then gift, them their own kitchen Outpost. Make a fuss over it, and put them on it whenever they are making a nuisance of themselves in the kitchen. We can point to it and tell them to get to their Outpost.

They will catch on quickly enough that they get to stay in their Outpost when they stay in their Outpost.

How do we tell them they should stay off the counters? If we see our cat on the counter, we should act shocked, shocked! that they are on the counter. Rush to them and hustle them off, telling them that it’s not a good thing there! Then use a cleaning spray on that area with great gusto, and clean it off.

This takes care of our cleanliness issues, and it also lets our cat know we are looking out for them. That area was about to be sprayed! It could happen again at any moment!

And if they don’t get their furry behinds off the counter when we next approach with a spray bottle, they soon will.

Remember, being angry with our cat for being on the counter does not work the same way on the cat’s mind as we think it does. They don’t make any connection with our suddenly frightening state and them being on the counter. All they know is, we’re angry.

One of the consequences of messing up cat training is creating the very problem we were trying to solve. If we have messed up kitchen counter avoidance, we have created a confused cat. Then we continually find them on the kitchen counter.

They know only two things: they want to be on the counter, and they will continue to get on it while they are trying to figure out what we want from them.

Make our wishes clear, create an attractive alternative, and convince them to prefer it.

Then we will both get what we want.

For more help with training tools, see Extreme Measures.

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Then there’s our animals. How do we reset our cats for the “fall back” portion of Daylight Savings Time?

Because this is the one where the cats expect their breakfast earlier than our alarm.

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This procedure is complicated by how many cats we have, because chances are good they have highly individual grips on the whole when is it breakfast time? concept.

James Bond, thirteen, has accumulated much experience and wisdom. He gets told it’s daylight savings time, just listen for the alarm, and he understands, and acts on this new knowledge. While Tristan, 9 weeks, is going to follow the lead of his closest cat friends; Reverend Jim, 3 1/2, and Olwyn, 19 months. All they know is that their internal alarm is going off; they will show me it.

An additional factor is how well we have training systems already set up with our cat or cats. Mine are used to being trained; they are constantly getting information cues, are given feedback on their performance, and have already been conditioned to know when we are sleeping.

With these systems in place, we get a fairly smooth transition:

Preparation: On the afternoon of the Big Event, we announce that Daylight Savings Time is about to happen, verbally express our own feelings on the subject, and fiddle with many of the objects that are going to be a part of this event, especially the Designated Alarm Clock.

This will create “mind linkages” for our cats. When what they expect to happen does not happen… they feel intelligent and informed when it winds up tying in with our fiddling and preparation. I knew something was up, they say to themselves. It all makes sense now.

Cuing: Our job is much easier if we have a Breakfast Signal, such as when the alarm goes off. I have shown the cats that while I might be up, or Mr WereBear is up, breakfast still is not served until the alarm clock goes off.

It might be the electric can opener that is the focus in the morning, so we can move it somewhere else on the big night. We could take the cat dishes out, and put them somewhere else, making a big point of discussing it with those cats who are keeping track. If we have a Spokescat, now is the time to put them in the loop.

The point of cuing is to let them know something has changed.

Instinct: Because cats do have a remarkable sense of time, they are going to wake us up one hour too early. (In the spring, they will be pleasantly surprised. This is not a problem.)

I know some people scoff at the idea of cats understanding time, but consider this: cats need to track their prey’s schedules in order to be at the right place at the right time to ambush them. They can’t do that without some sort of time concept and application.

It’s not that much of a stretch for them to apply this same food-getting pattern to us; when we become a food source, we become the focus of all that finely tuned predator behavior.

Response: Even though James Bond understands what I have told him, he will nudge me at the appointed time, just to make sure. I tell him it’s not time yet, and he goes back to sleep. However, the kittens (and the rest of them still are) are not so sure. They are going to use me as a trampoline the first morning, because they are still learning.

Each time I smack the alarm clock and point out it is not ringing yet, the concept gets reinforced. This works for sleeping in on weekends, and this works on daylight savings time. So it should take fewer and fewer repetitions each time, as our cats grow more confident in their own perceptions and evaluations.

Remember, cats love routine. This is how they know when we are coming home, what grocery bags mean, and when breakfast time is official. This break in their routine needs to be acknowledged and prepared for; then they can shape their response. Otherwise, they will insist that their internal clock is right; because we haven’t given them any reason not to think so.

Olwyn picked up on the importance of the alarm clock right away. She was still a baby when she learned to play with its buttons until it rang. She had a really hard time pressing both of the required buttons simultaneously, and so she got tired of this game, especially once I showed her that breakfast came, reliably, on its own.

Which was good. Because, according to the rules of the game, if she got the alarm to ring; I had to get up and feed her.

And I did.

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When Mr WereBear is using his Dremel rotary tool, the noise it makes drives the cats away. And we don’t want them around at such times.

This dovetailing of interests doesn’t always work. It is particularly exasperating when our cat seems to be amusing themselves without our help, so we turn our attention to one of our more solitary activities.

Then, they will appear, and wail about abandonment.

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Why was our cat perfectly happy before? Why are they bothering us now? Are they doing this on purpose?

Yes, they are. But not for the reasons we think.

It can appear that our cats are lying in wait for opportunities to drive us crazy. But that’s not really the case. It’s simply that our cats love to have our attention focused on them. When our attention strays; they notice.

It’s because we do not understand how our mere presence adds to our cat’s enjoyment. Their modest request is that we stay in range and make an occasional flattering comment about them.

This, after all, is what they do when they lie on the couch and occasionally blink their eyes at us. This is their version of spending time together, and it’s about as low key as they come.

One side effect of having a relationship with our cats is having a relationship with our cats.

That means they will notice when we are gone. They will miss us when we are gone. Being cats, they will try to do something about it.

We have to remember that when they insinuate themselves between our hands and our keyboard, or park themselves on our newspapers or books, or get underfoot in the kitchen; they are only trying to get some love and attention. If we give them some, they won’t feel so lonely and neglected, and they can find something else to do.

Generally, when my cats complain of neglect, they are absolutely right. I haven’t done Wand Toy all day, or it is getting close to dinner time, and trying to hit their snooze button is more trouble than going ahead and giving them what they want and need.

When I want to settle in at an intensive task, it does go more smoothly if I put some treats in the puzzle box, or wear them out with some play, or go ahead and feed them, even early, if it means they won’t be anxious about me forgetting their meal. (As if.)

Then our cats are busy and occupied and happy that we paid attention. But it’s even more than that; we thought of them before we got involved with something else, and that shows we care.

Even if we have to remind them of that fact.

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Is it possible to train our cat so they don’t do that?

Or should we perpetuate the cat’s reputation as untrainable?

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While I know we sometimes have to resort to training aids; even they have their limits.

How can we make our cat stop doing that? is an unavoidably complex question. It has everything to do with why we conflict with our cats over shared objects. It is inevitable that whatever the cat is doing, they have to do it in some form.

We cannot change the behavior; only the way the behavior is expressed.

Which is quite a lot of control, if we shape it properly.

Here’s the three questions we must ask ourselves when we want to train our cat:

What does our cat really want? Sometimes it’s easy to tell. A cat who scratches our furniture needs good scratching posts. Cats who don’t even get one are driven to scratch furniture. This is a need the cat must express.

A cat who gets in our face and begs for attention… needs some. The problem isn’t, as we so often think, that the cat keeps annoying us at bad times. The problem is that the cat needs attention.

So whatever the cat is doing is usually something the cat must do in order to survive. This explains why the behavior is so stubborn.

How can we give it to them? This must be our next question. It must be answered.

We must give the cat what they want. It’s how we get to what they need most reliably and easily.

The motivations to simply give them what they want is a reliable guide, but it doesn’t have to be an inflexible one. If what they want is dangerous or otherwise unsuitable, we can come up with a substitute.

Cats who keep going after a certain thing need to have something else like it, before they can stop. That’s why they seem to stubbornly keep going after certain things.

It’s not just that we have told them they shouldn’t do that. They have to have something else to do with that instinctual urge.

How can we tell them that is what we have done? Now the utility of communication becomes even more clear. We can reassure them we care about their needs while discussing how best they can be handled. This is a subject of constant interest and evolving maintenance.

It’s the heart of our cat relationship.

In Translation, please, I explain how we can train our cats in a way that is fun and enjoyable for us both. We should do it every day because we will need it every day.

Because once we have these tools in place, adjusting our cat maintenance becomes simpler and more reliable. Then our cat training becomes more automatic, and less stressful for both us and our cats.

Three simple steps, and we should be on our way to solving our cat problem.

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Well, what would make them think they don’t?

Cats are shaped by their territory behavior; in the wild, if they see it, they own it.

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What’s a bit extraordinary is how easily this impulse can be redirected. A cat can learn to share; once they are secure. That’s the key to everyone getting along in the same, overlapping, territory.

We need to understand that cats hold, and use, territory in many different ways, for many different purposes.

Practicality: Cats need lookout points to survey activity and make plans. This can lead them to insist on finding places we’d rather they not be. But if we have a cat who really wants to get up to our eye level, like our Reverend Jim, we need to give it to them. This is something their instincts are urging them towards.

Finding the cushiest spot, such as our bed, is also something cats seek out, because they can relax better on soft surfaces. Like us.

Safety: Cats will head to the high ground if they feel threatened, such as when they are being chased or their usual routes are blocked. Once again, it’s a cat’s instincts telling them, quite accurately, that their climbing ability will help them outwit their enemies.

Places where they have their back protected, or they are enclosed, also make them feel safe. They can’t be snuck up on that way; even if they are never snuck up on. A cat likes to feel prepared.

Security: Cats who have control of any territory have soothed their instinctual imperatives. Being able to survey the entire living room might have nothing to do with how much dinner they get; not now, in a domestic situation where we are the ones hunting (in the supermarket) for them. But a cat’s instincts don’t know that.

They feel better going through all the motions their brain tells them they must have to keep dinner coming on schedule, day after day.

Signals: We might not even consider another reason why cats stake out our couches and chairs and beds; that would be us.

If we announce we are going into a certain room to do a certain task, or make such a move part of our daily routine; we might find a cat already waiting for us in our chair. They want to be a part of such an important part of our day; and they know we can’t do this task without our chair.

Our cat is not trying to take our chair for themselves; they are slyly inserting themselves into a sequence they know we are a part of.

They want to be a part of it, too.

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