Recently many friends and family have been adding little babies to their homes. Only one of them owns indoor cats, but it did get me wondering how you can properly prepare your kitties for the arrival of a new human?

Dear Readers,

Preparing our cats for a new little human is an excellent idea!

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Of course our cats are going to be noticing the new stuff, the new room, the new intensity as we go about our routines. Let’s use this activity to our advantage so our cat will feel like they “got the memo.”

We’re thrilled. As with all times we present our cat with a new situation, our happy attitude will carry over. So we should not project any worries or stresses regarding how our cat will react to the baby.

They will love each other; when properly taught how to interact with each other. Here’s some tips on Cats and Small Children.

We’re preparing. This is the cat’s chance to explore the crib, car seat, or busy box without the child in it. Let them. We should react to the cat’s exploration of new items with joy and happiness.

Keep in mind that our cats don’t like surprises.

We’re relaxed. It’s wonderful to add a new life to our family. Don’t let “old wives tales,” or the people who tell them, make us second guess any of our choices.

There isn’t any reason to be apprehensive about cats and babies. See Cats & Expecting: The Mother of All Myths to see the most persistent myths about cats and babies debunked.

We’re rehearsing. This may feel a little funny to us, but go ahead and put a doll in the crib or the high chair. One that cries is even better. Then our cats won’t be surprised and startled by the real thing, or what we do in response.

To learn more about this fun training technique, see Train With Drama.

Some cats will hang out in the furthest reaches of the house until the baby gets older and understands “no grabbing!” Other cats will watch over the baby and summon us if they burp or make a bad smell. Either way, we should make the effort to include our cat as we all learn the new routines.

And we all enjoy the new baby.

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“That’s true,” I said. “But he’ll always be my baby.”

As seen here, we would really have to stretch our definition of “kitten” to accommodate Tristan as he is today. At sixteen months and almost 12 pounds, he’s longer than RJ, and takes up almost as much room.

He no longer looks like he’s made of tape and pipe cleaners, which had led to his nickname of “my little dill pickle spear.” He’s getting much more rounded and muscular, with a neck as wide as his head and powerful hindquarters we get to see in action quite a lot of the time.

While he doesn’t take on the caretaking roles so beloved of our Supervisors, James Bond and his protege Olwyn, he’s more linked to our daily routines than Reverend Jim. When Mr WayofCats works at his craft table, or I’m at my desk writing, Tristan makes a point of finding a way to be a part of it, even if he’s restricted to passive observing.

Please, Tristan, be a passive observer, is our way of reminding him where our boundaries lie. He is starting to understand what I mean when I tell him that.

Of course, fostering him since the age of three weeks means we will always have that memory of him as a teeny-tiny morsel of catness.

Being an Alpha, he’s going to stay playful and lively, as I explain in Tristan, forever young.

To this day, we cannot play Villain Hands with Tristan. Even Reverend Jim, environmentally deprived and slow to puzzle out certain things, understood the game of Villain Hands. While Tristan simply sees the hands approaching, perks up, and waits to be petted.

Boundaries is the concept Tristan handles in a way which ensures he will always be “my baby.”

It’s a kitten trait to show no signs of being fussy about their boundaries. This works well for kittens at the stage they let anyone pick them up, fall asleep in any lap, or make friends with any cat.

James Bond (at left, top) was born dignified. He never had this kitten trait; and it interfered with him getting a home. Reverend Jim (at left, on left) has become dignified. He never did like being held like an infant. He is highly pleased that he can choose the times and places he melts all over us.

Tristan doesn’t care about dignity. He shows no signs he is ever going to care about developing this important cat trait.

He will assume all kinds of silly postures and doesn’t care who sees him doing it. He loves being cradled upside down, like a baby. He lies on the floor and begs us to kiss his belly. When we do, he never attacks our head or gets overstimulated.

Because of his unique combination of early socialization and innate personality traits, Tristan not only avoided a feral existence; he became the inverse of it. He is the cat version of a human infant’s perfect trust.

We can raise our kitten with respect and love, or foster a kitten from their “furry slug” stage, and still wind up with a highly dignified cat. Conversely, we can go to the shelter or take in a stray and discover a cat who was abandoned by people but still manages to hang onto enough love and trust to relax in our home. The most unexpected of cats can become the “cat baby” we long for; once we show them we are the lovable and trustable human they should have had all along.

They can be any type, any breed, or any combination of breeds. They can overcome bad experiences. They can even come from a feral background. I’ve gotten them tiny and I’ve gotten them grown, from the shelter or off the streets.

Still, I cannot guarantee any cat will develop into such a one. RJ reached out with sweet desperation, while Olwyn was a reserved observer. RJ never liked being held like an infant, while Olwyn loves being “babied” by Mr WayofCats… provided no one else but me might see it.

I’ve had cats like this who melted at my first touch. I’ve also had cats like this who were suspicious and careful; at first. As with so much else in life, it’s not any one thing; it’s the way all the puzzle pieces fit together.

In the end, I simply give every cat what what they need, and remain content to help them be the cat they were meant to be.

Whoever that cat winds up being.

We rescued a tiny kitten, not knowing anything about him. See all my posts about Tristan.

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When I was a little girl, my cat didn’t mind being dressed in doll clothes. But I can’t imagine my present two dignified cat companions putting up with that. Did Morris really not mind?

Dear Readers,

It’s probable that Morris did mind. But not that much.

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The constant stream of cats in hats (and worse) which popup on people’s social media is actually a testament to how easygoing a cat can be; some of the cats, some of the time.

Because so many cats do, emphatically, mind wearing clothes; there is nothing in their genetic template or life experiences to lead them to ever ever conclude this is a life-enhancing activity.

However, there are also cats who are sufficiently mellow, and sufficiently trusting of their people, to submit to such temporary enhancements with good humor. It’s a simple rule: if the cat minds something, they will definitely let us know.

As evidence, I submit How to wrap a cat for Christmas:

Now she’s a cat who doesn’t mind.

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Craft work of any kind is a mystery to me; my grandmother spent one summer trying to teach me to knit, but I don’t have dexterity and that’s all there is to it.

But people who knit with cats around are really asking for it.

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Cats find a ball of yarn irresistible. It’s a ball! It’s yarn! When the human starts playing with the yarn our cat’s heart warms up like cooked toffee. Let’s do this together!

Of course, we could lock ourselves in a room, away from the cats, to do our knitting. But, judging from my grandmother’s experience, this defeats the soothing purpose of such yarn crafts, which let us sit with others, watch a show, chat, and still make progress on our project.

Back in the day, yarn would have had the animal scent from the sheep the wool came from. Alpaca can offer the same pull, but even synthetic yarn is overwhelmingly attractive.

The appeal of yarn is in our cat’s “thing for string.” Such long, flexible, and manipulatable objects trip our cat’s predatory instincts. Their brains insist that this is prey.

Yarn, with its thick texture and complicated surfaces, is an even more appealing prey analog than most strings. When a human starts weaving the yarn into new and moving shapes, what we are creating is an irresistible object.

The classic appeal of a ball of yarn, to a cat, is now becoming clear. It contains elements of so many of their favorite toys. With this much attractive power, it is a vain quest to convince the cat that they don’t want to play with our yarn.

I asked the crafter behind the cute hats at Crafty Critters Creations (Facebook link) how she manages with three cats. Her favorite technique is to keep most of her current project inside her craft bag. Whatever she is doing above the bag is not so obviously made of yarn.

We can also use the concept I call yours and mine. We can give our cat a piece of knitting, all lumpy or fringey or both, of their own to play with.

This works much better than giving them a length of yarn, or even their own ball. When the cat’s brain is telling them it’s prey! even cats who know it’s not real can fall under the spell of prey simulation, and follow it all the way to the end… and swallow it all the way to the end.

Yarn toys appeal to cats. So when the craft bag comes out, so should a version for our cats. If they can’t leave ours alone, they are indicating this is a drive that cannot be extinguished, only redirected.

Trying to “train” the cat to ignore yarn is like putting a cake in front of a hungry person, and continually telling them not to think about cake.

It’s difficult to imagine that working, either.

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Cats love boxes and under the bed and back of the closet because of their mental resemblance to easily defended, makes-us-feel-protected, forts.

We can use this “mental resemblance” to signal our cats what is off limits… and when.

Because that can change.

Cats don’t understand the distinction. Any space left neglected, from a little-used formal dining room to the ignored storage areas, can beckon our cat. It is very difficult to convince a cat this space is vitally needed! and never to be used! because those two things don’t go together very well in our cat’s mind.

We also need space for the cat to “own” and we might not have sufficient spare room to isolate for every need. Sharing the space is a viable alternative; if we do it right.

Here is a festive buffet to fortify a group of friends before they head for the corn maze.

Cats are not welcome here.

I don’t use my dining room table most of the time.

How do I keep the cats off it?

It’s simple. I don’t.

I don’t chase my cats off the dining room table for those times I’m not using it as a dining room table. When I’m using it as a dining room table, as seen above, it looks very different than it does when I’m not.

The tablecloth inhibits jumping by cutting off their field of view, and providing a different looking surface than the soft, bumpy, blankets I use to signal the cats it’s okay to hang out here.

When I’m not using the dining room table, cats sleep on the blankets which cover it. These are more easily washed, and more attractive to the cats, and more protective, than the tablecloth. I put tablecloths on the table, and tall items or stacks of plates to signal my cats they are not to jump on the table… now.

So when they are not on there, the cats are not, either.

Instead of finding a sweet spot to hang out, getting on this new and changed table will get a cat a scolding and maybe even a time out. So they won’t get on it.

It no longer gives back the response they want.

It has changed.

And so, to cats, its purpose has changed.

Since the dining room table overlooks the second favorite window and the cat tree and is close to my writing desk; it is going to be a place cats want to sit on. And since, ninety percent of the time, I am not using it for any other purpose; and would then use it for a purpose involving it being cleaned, anyway, that I see no reason to deprive all of us of its use.

People set their table as though company is imminent and expect the cat to stay off when company never comes (in the cat’s mind.) So we should share by signaling when we want the table; and it will be our turn, then.

We can help this transition process along by clearly signaling the different looks, and boundaries, that our cats need to distinguish. Cats love to deal with changing territory, and divergent distinctions. They are bright and need such puzzles.

But they cannot play if they do not know the rules.

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my kitten wants to wrestle the other cats all day

Dear Readers,

Yes. Of course they do.

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This is one of the more popular ways cats play. No one plays more than a kitten does. Whether it’s with their littermates or our ankles, a popular toy or a forbidden object, mindlessly attacking any vague approximation of future prey is what kittens do.

They endlessly rehearse hunting behavior.

This is why one of the most dismaying experiences of our delightful new kitten comes when they bite and scratch our hand. Fortunately, this is our fault.

I say “fortunately” because we can far more easily modify our own behavior than that of our kitten, who is mostly unthinking instinct. It isn’t until the developmental period of adolescence, several months down the road, that kittens develop the ability to think for more than mere minutes at a time.

If we interpret everything kittens do in this lens of “hunting practice” we will be able to maximise our interactions with our kittens for both teaching and enjoyment.

For unnecessary roughness, we can let our kitten know we’re injured by making sad, whimpery noises and letting the hand sag as we pull it away. To invite play, we can gently bonk them on the shoulder. To show friendliness, we can “lead with our forehead” to gently touch theirs.

These are all ways cats communicate with Momma Cat and their littermates. Our kitten doesn’t want to hurt or harass anyone. But they can’t moderate their behavior until they get the proper feedback that there is something wrong.

Other cats are the best sources of proper feedback. But if our kitten did not get enough littermate play, or enough Mama Cat messages, during the prime time to learn this… they won’t learn it.

Then, we have to teach it to them.

The key to kitten training is knowing their attention span.

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I am not actually owned by any cats, but I do get visited sometimes by a neighbour’s cat… [he likes]… to come over to me and ask to be petted (by nuzzling me, pawing me and bumping me with his nose), at which time he grabs my hand, which he puts in his mouth and gnaws on, whilst also scratching me with his front claws and bunny kicking with his back claws.

We have explained several times that The Nice Human is NOT a toy … we have substituted a toy made from a hessian bag (that he does the same thing to) in place of my poor tortured arm and hand. But apparently It Is Just Not The Same. When I remove my hand and make sure he knows that this behaviour is Not On because it HURTS he struts off in a Right Royal Sulk.

I am beginning to look like I engage in self harm, and want to stop this behaviour.

Any ideas?

Dear Readers,

There’s a lot going on with this kind of behavior. On both sides.

The writer is doing a lot of things right, such as conveying that “my hand is not a toy.” They’re not extending the hand as a toy, they are trying to pet the cat with it.

In turn, this cat is not trying to hurt anyone. He’s just seeing the hand as an offer of play. He’s actually paying this person a compliment… he is treating them like a littermate. When they indicate they “don’t want to play” he feels rejected.

This kind of tangled communication is bound to create hurt feelings on both sides.

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Here’s how to say the right things:

Provide play. If the cat wants play, let’s provide it! Tiring the cat out can be an important first step in getting to the petting.

In this case, the cat wants to wrestle, but this is not something they can provide. Some wand toy action is a good choice; it puts the hand in play, but not in danger. It tires out the cat without tiring the human.

We provide the cat what they need, and we also eliminate the over-excitement that leads to them being too enthused on our hand.

Offer calm. Since this cat is not living with his friend, there’s a certain amount of apprehension in this visit. They both have to establish ground rules quickly, and there’s less time for the Dance of Affection that we and our own cats create with each other.

The cat does not mean to be so rough on their friend’s hand; part of the over-reaction is the excitement of petting. Strong emotion needs to be expressed in an appropriate way; this cat is having trouble realizing that.

If the cat has been tired out, and have had a chance to express some of their happiness at their friend’s attention by leaping after the wand toy, the offer of the hand for petting is less overwhelming. The cat’s response will be more moderated.

What the hand says. Don’t make the classic mistake of extending our hand with all fingers spread. This is actually menacing; it looks like we are about to grab the cat. It can trip a defensive reaction, especially with a cat we are just getting to know.

Instead, indicate we want to pet by using the Fist of Friendship. Extend our fist, hold it motionless, and let the cat rub themselves upon it.

If we don’t move our hand, it is less of a tempting target. If we don’t extend our fingers, we don’t look threatening. If the cat gets to choose where the Fist of Friendship rubs them, we don’t wind up rubbing places, like their belly, that will trigger the “wrestle my littermate’s head” response.

If the cat tries to turn it into rough play, say “Ow ow ow,” withdraw our hand, and offer the hessian bag for wrestling. This is how we tell the cat our Fist of Friendship is only for petting; that the bag is for head-wrestling; that the wand toy is another way to play.

The cat wants fun with their friend. They want fun with this cat. When both sides of communication becomes clearer, we both know what we are actually saying.

This is how we both get what we want.

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It has been influenced by Calvinism and shaped by the ruggedness of early colonial living. It’s been encouraged by those who do not value human experience because they would rather exploit these efforts for their own selfish gains.

While it’s essential to have a purpose in life, I honestly do not believe that purpose is to become an unthinking biological cog whose only worthwhile attribute is the ability to physically work like a mule on steroids until dropping dead.

The only way to reinforce such a un-natural state is to ruthlessly undermine notions which conflict with it. Thus, we have cultural currents that demean both the intellect… and the emotions.

Which gets cats in trouble. Because they are shamelessly hedonistic.

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I have noticed that many people base their proclaimed dislike for cats in the cat’s ostensible “uselessness.” This is often triggered by the cat lying around doing nothing and obviously enjoying itself!

If such a sight leads to fist-clenching rage, the trouble does not lie in the cat. Rather, this is a symptom of psychological stress in the human.

To me, this speaks of a person who is constantly struggling to convince themselves that relaxation is overrated. It strongly indicates that they feel regard and love must be worked for.

How else to explain this inexplicably hostile reaction to another being who absolutely exemplifies these attitudes? Because cats do expect to be loved for themselves.

Even in terms of biological feedback, there is absolutely nothing wrong with pleasure-seeking. This is how Nature ensures we stay active, eat, and fool around; it feels good to be alive.

Likewise, cats are simply listening to their instincts when they find a comfortable spot to stretch in, observe from, and nap on. Nature tells them to keep limber, keep watch, and conserve their energy for when it’s needed.

And yes, they enjoy doing it.

It’s a real pet peeve of mine when grown men yell at toddlers to “Be a man!” or women judge everything in their lives by “how it looks” or pets get evaluated on their supposed “utility.” In each case, it’s looking around for a metric they want to claim they already excel in, arbitrarily deciding that this is the most important arena in all of life, and then declaring they have won by coming in first.

That’s kinda cheating, isn’t it?

I’ve become alert to these instances of cat prejudice, and interested in unraveling them, because I find it completely inexplicable that such a cute, cuddly, adorable, loving, and amusing pet choice can be regarded as a sneaky, untrustworthy, downright-evil and deservedly-maligned animal who also reflects badly on those who like this choice.

When, in fact, cats have developed into happily-spoiled house pets who now only ask, and give, love.

What does that say about me? I’ll gladly admit it:

Love is the most important thing in life.

Some people like to say But cats don’t do anything! Of course, they are wrong.

As always, I am indebted to my readers and commenters for post ideas. This one was sparked by this comment.

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Alpha cats are known for keeping their “kitten qualities” long after their bodies have matured.

Certainly, at 14 months and eleven pounds, many people would not think Tristan qualifies as a kitten. Yet, in many ways, he still is.

He has learned some self-control, internalized the house rules, and struggles to live up to the expectations he now understands are being placed upon him.

He’s also still very dependent.

He knows he’s not supposed to wake us up too early in the morning. So now, instead of bouncing off the walls, he creeps up to the side of the bed and makes sadandlonely sounds. This is my cue to stick a hand out from under the covers so he can pet himself with it. Now reassured that he’s not the only living creature left on earth, he curls up in the curve of my knees and puts himself down for a nap.

A great improvement over his four month old state… but not quite a mature response, either. But he’s a high energy cat; this impulsive, lively, curious state will not moderate any time soon.

Baby cats have built in appeal, as seen here, in this picture of Tristan at only four weeks of age.

Yet we wouldn’t want them to stay like that forever. Plucking them off drapes and fishing them out from behind the television are tasks we don’t find cute.

A cat who never learns anything would wear out their welcome, no matter how adorable they are.

That’s our “best of both worlds” situation with Tristan right now. He’s not just a bumbling little noodlehead, followed around the house by Olwyn and Reverend Jim to make sure he’s not getting into trouble. But he still has enough curiosity and impulsivity to add a little Kitten into our lives.

I’m probably different from most people in my breadth of regarding “kitten ages.”

I think of the Young Cat as between one and three years of age, and as a prime adoptable time.

We often think that the tinier the kitten, the bigger our influence. This isn’t always so. Their famously tiny attention span means we aren’t being nearly the influence we think we are.

Currently Maturing Cats, like Tristan, combine a lot of learning and growing with the mental abilities to handle feedback and formulate strategies.

Our kitten is still growing… they haven’t “set” yet.

Read more about teen-aged cats.

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There were men working with power tools and the receptionist desk was a table; the waiting room had lost many of its chairs. I didn’t want to disrupt the course of business by fussing over photography or asking that they be taken out of the big cage where they feel safe.

I have no doubt that this cat is Tristan’s mother; the resemblance, right down to the expression seen here, is strikingly familiar.

She has one other “Tristan Trait.” She’s a lovebug.

Both the vet and the receptionist exclaimed over her sweet nature, good care of her kittens, and instant friendliness.

This doesn’t only bode well for Mum getting a home. This is also a clear clue to how well her kittens will settle into their new role as beloved pets.

As seen above, even the “shy baby” of the bunch will relax near the bars, where the people are. They all allow cuddling even though he or she (that’s still a bit up for grabs as the vet is very busy) is frightened of the big changes that have occurred this week. While the mother cat was affectionate before and after her capture, allowing herself to be picked up, we couldn’t take her to the vet until the kittens were able to come along, too. They are about nine weeks old.

The other kitten, seen here, has such a sweet face too!

A previous batch of kittens the vet took care of was described by her as “extremely feral.” They would not be picked up, cried all the time, and reacted with defensiveness to any human overtures.

I’m happy to report that this batch is nothing like them. They like cuddling, though when fearful they try to worm into an handy armpit or pocket.

That’s a completely natural reaction to all the changes in their environment this week.

Knowing who their mother is, and how she reacts to humans, is a vital clue to socializing possibly feral kittens. While this batch does not have the instant friendliness of kittens raised “underfoot” in a good home, they are not that far off from that goal, because their mother is so friendly, and has been modeling happy behavior towards people as long as they can remember.

They are actually taking things in good stride. Because while we are one down, there are still three to go.

This little fellow, now tentatively named Pumpkin, has gone home to a wonderful family.

We didn’t even know if Pumpkin was a boy or a girl; my friend had seen the blurry picture on Facebook and fallen in love.

While I had gotten good reports of their behavior, I wasn’t sure myself.

When my friend cuddled him after his shots and worming (which he took very well!) the mayhem around him made his little ears fold flat against his head; a sign of apprehension.

I had just cautioned my friend that he was feeling nervous… when those little ears popped upright.

He’d decided to be curious, not worried. After all; he was being held by a human he now trusted.

My heart melted like a pat of butter. He’s going to be just fine.

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