If we can get the cat to try things in some new way, or adapt to some changes we have to make, both of us will be happier.

But the cat is skeptical.

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This kind of cat skill came up as a consequence of our car being in the shop for a long while. I am able to take the bus for some things. But certain out-of-the-way errands are trickier to manage. Like the stop at the feed store for their special dry food.

Well, it’s an emergency, and we’re all suffering. As the dry food dwindled, I bought a bag of grocery kind to mix in as a stretcher. The cats picked out a lot of the new food, acting like a kindergarten class with free Pixy Stix, and lay around in satisfied shapes. I knew that would happen; like humans with their own junk food, cats love the “sugar rush” they get from the high levels of carbohydrates.

In this case, the manufacturer has fooled cats into eating food they wouldn’t find appealing by spraying it with meat juice. And it works.

But we can’t bribe our cats with junk. At least, not all the time.

As their dry food threatens to run out entirely, I manage a trip to the health food store. I know they have several types of cat food there, and I have not checked it out since I bought a trial can, and the cats went on hunger strike. Mr. Bond did his famous, Excuse me, this is not food. I don’t know what they told you at the store, but just look at it. I mean really.

So I explain we have to “sell” this new food, which has wholesome ingredients. Thus, I expect the cats will be disappointed. Dear Husband rises to the occasion magnificently. He got out the container we keep the dry food in, gaining the cat’s attention, and poured in the new food. Then he exclaimed, “Look at this. It has bits!”

Sure enough, there are three different colors and shapes in the new food. Thank goodness. I immediately express my own enthusiasm, saying how wonderful it looks. The cats actually like it.

Maybe we just lucked out. But at least I now have another kind of food I feel good about giving them. We had some fun, and got the cats to approach a new food without disappointment.

If we are apprehensive, or uncertain, or otherwise feel the cats won’t like something, we will project what we expect, and our cats will pick up on it.

If we offer them things with happiness and confidence, these will be the emotions our cats will reflect.

Remember; to sell it, we have to believe in it.

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What we give is what we get.

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Of course we want to make our cat happy. That’s what having a pet is all about. Because when we show we want to make the cat happy, the cat will want to make us happy.

But it’s not just love. Respect, love of learning, and a sense of humor are all attributes we do share, and should share.

The more we share traits we like, the more we discover our cat has these traits too.

We won’t know how much and what kind of interaction a cat might like until we try to engage them more often, and more interestingly. The more care and effort we put in, the far more we get back.

I regard cats as sentient beings. They have intelligence, learning ability, self-awareness, a wide emotional range, and a brain that is more like a human’s than a dog’s is.

While the great apes have much in common with us such as bipedal walking ability and opposable thumbs, the cat has a very different body shape and some instincts that we do not have.

Yet the cat has an almost identical physical structure in their brain that will interpret emotions into thoughts and actions in a way that is very close to our own.

We may take different paths to achieve independence, satisfaction, fun, and comfort.

But we wind up in the same place.

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They reply, But I want to.

We must acknowledge that they are right.

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They do want to. What shall we do now?

This is a vital step in cat training. Yet it is one that is probably the most neglected. Dog training works in a binary way, where we tell the dog what we want and the dog is made happy by obeying.

Cats do not work that way.

We are used to thinking of training as telling beings to do what we want. Instead of thinking of it as getting beings to do what we want.

We need to make that mental gear change; since persuasion works much better with cats.

When we hear But I want to our first response should be I know you do!

This acknowledgment of their wants puts us on the cat’s side.

This is what the cat wants, from us, before they feel comfortable with revamping their behavior, for us.

Our cat wants to know we aren’t asking them to change their behavior for a frivolous reason, because the cat isn’t doing it for a frivolous reason. Cats do things to stay alive and to amuse themselves while they are waiting for a survival thing to come along.

While we certainly think things would be easier for us if we could just tell our cats to do what we want, this is a quality more likely to appear in robot cats; not real ones. So whenever we have a But I want to! situation, we shouldn’t get exasperated or angry. We should take this as a training opportunity.

If our cat is into the trash, on top of a spindly piece of furniture, or playing with wires, we can take them away from it right away, and then use the three suggestions above. But in any case, we must approach our cat’s wishes with some respect, and agree with them that they want to.

We have that happen to us, too! we can tell them.

And, sadly, we don’t always get our way, either.

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Then they pretend they just realized… That’s right! I’m not supposed to be playing with this! and off they go.

Little wiseacres, is what they are.

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Cats are not being nasty, defiant, or stubborn when they do this. They are playing. With us.

It’s the Can I make them get up? game, and yes, they can.

It takes considerable intellectual prowess for any being to pretend. So I try to regard this as a feature, not a bug. However, we do need the proper strategies to counter these cat ploys, and keep the game fair.

Consider their motivation. Sometimes a cat cannot resist a forbidden object, and it shows signs of being played with when we get home. This means the forbidden object needs to be blocked off and put away for a while, or a serious substitute made available.

But sometimes a cat will only play with the object to get us out of our chair, and not other times. This is how we know it’s a strategy to make us get up.

So, if we reliably get up to shoo them away from something, the strategic planner cat will sometimes do a Hey, as long as you’re up! move and ask for something.

To change this particular behavior, the cat needs a new signal. React to something else they do. Make that move the target of us getting up and being willing to get them what they want.

Extend our reach. If we are always sitting in our favorite chair, and they are always across the room messing with the silk flowers or the desk lamp or something, we can put a can of air next to our favorite chair. It can speak for us.

It was fun when we got up. It’s not fun hearing the hiss of the air can. We’ve changed the game, and now that they are not getting the response they want, they will have to change what they are playing with.

We can use this to our advantage, because if they change to playing with something we don’t mind so much, we can use this as a good signal that the cat wants something. Cat plays with something that isn’t harmed by the attention, we say, Oh, what do you want, show me, and the cat happily leads the way to what they want.

Show them the games we won’t play. Olwyn loves breakfast. She has learned that during weekdays, the alarm going off is the signal that gets one of us into the kitchen, and she will play with the alarm to make it go off early. (Fortunately, she hasn’t completely figured out the alarm yet.)

When my clock defeats her, she jumps onto the bureau with a lot of rowdy flourishes. That’s because she’s not sneaking onto the bureau to play with something. The rest of the day she has no interest in the bureau or anything on it.

But she quickly learned that if she doesn’t get down from the bureau, I have to get up. And that’s the goal.

So I moved my more delicate earring box off the bureau (which was making me get up) and put a can of air under the bed. Olwyn will have to come up with something else.

I’m sure she will.

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Unfortunately, most of the time the failure is blamed on the cat. Which is an odd thing to do for the purportedly more intelligent of the two beings.

Especially since cat training, when approached properly, is both easy and fun.

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Yes, cats are motivated by food. But not in necessarily in the ways we are thinking. We should use both food, and food behavior, to create cues in the cat’s mind.

Once we have cues, we can negotiate behavior.

We create cues by associating a repeatable effect (a sound, a gesture, even an expression,) with something the cat wants. Cats always want to know the details, about what and when, before we have their focused attention.

Here’s how I used the the game show, Jeopardy, to to create a set of cues. The distinctive theme song, repeated in its various forms, creates a pattern.

What do we use it for? Anything we want. Most of the time, we use it to discuss dinner. Well, actually, the cats use it to discuss dinner.

Our cats not only love dinner, they love discussing, all through Jeopardy, such subjects as what dinner they will have and who will serve it. This is because we have long used the Final Jeopardy tune to signal weekday dinnertime.

Then the cats, recognizing the different times similar music was played, began asking during the opening theme. Jeopardy just started! we would protest, or That’s only a commercial break.

The cats plan their strategy, express an interest in poultry or seafood when asked, bump shoulders as they share the joy, and even develop some interest in the show itself, picking up when the little humans on the screen might do something the cat knows will lead to that song again.

Having cues allows our three cats to keep their anticipation in check, and enjoy contemplating a future event. Instead of being lured away or annoyed during a show we generally watch, we now gather the cats with us, and we all enjoy the countdown to the end of the show.

Any repeating event that is part of our routine can be used in this manner. When we integrate our cats into our own care routine, our cat chores are reliably handled, and what is more, cats can see the patten that makes them reliable.

This makes cats feel they can trust us to provide for them, which is something they like very much. This can enlist our cat’s cooperation without much effort on our part. Our cats feel such knowledge can be its own reward.

And they are right.

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Once upon a time I was a bonsai enthusiast. But after a dehumidifier accident killed all my overwintering trees, I decided to start a new gardening hobby, only with rosebushes.

As it turned out, I can learn to constrain living things. But I am temperamentally more suited to encourage them to reach their full potential.

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Bonsai are all about shaping their growth, so they can adjust to their limited boundaries. Roses are all about supporting their growth, so they can produce their biggest, lushest, blooms.

For cats, we must be a rose gardener, not a bonsai gardener.

Why do I consider this so important? Because choosing the wrong nurturing path is a great mistake. It starts off on the wrong foot, and marches straight on into disaster.

The “true cat” is not a measure of what the cat might be now. It’s seeing the potential cat they could be with support and love. It’s letting them relax enough for us to see their best side. It’s us relaxing around them that lets them see our best side.

This is how we become close to our cat.

We must let the cat bloom.

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My girlfriend is a cat LOVER. As for me, not so much, but I am trying. Trying to be the good boyfriend I am, I wanted the cat to like me. so I started playing with it (the cat never wanted to play) getting it from its “hiding spots”, and just trying to be social with an unsocial cat. My question is, how can I get the cat to trust me and socialize with me? Have I damaged the cat for good? When I am not around and its just her in the apartment, the cat is perfectly fine. When I poke my head under the bed I tend to get hissed at. Thank you for your helpful information.

Dear Reader,

I appreciate the effort someone is making for their Special Person. Even more so… if it works. However, doing this badly will backfire on us, and now we are losing serious points in the Cat Department.

Playing and being social is a good thing, unless we drag the cat out of their hiding spot to do so. Now we are insisting, and the cat always prefers that Fun Is Their Decision.

And what kind of “play” was tried? If we get out a wand toy or a package of treats, we will get their attention in a good way. If we want to wrestle with them as though they are a Great Dane puppy, they will assume we are violent and/or crazy, and that is why we will get hissed at when we appear.

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What can we do to rewind this situation?

We will be sorry about it. To the cat. That’s right. We will apologize to the cat. We will explain we didn’t know any better. We will say their name a lot, with loving tones, and admit it was all our fault.

And it is. We didn’t mean it that way, but that is how it went over with the cat.

We will make it up. To the cat. Now that we know better, we will be doing things the way the cat likes. We will bribe them with treats, we will dangle tempting toys, we will bring over the finest catnip or the comfiest cuddliest throw, covered with our scent so as the cat enjoys our gift, they will think good thoughts about us.

We must spoil the cat as we have never spoiled anything before. But look at it this way: we are showing off our spoiling prowess, and might get more invitations to fuss and be fussed over. It’s not just cats who like that kind of thing.

We won’t mind making a fool of ourselves. To the cat. So we’re dragging a fake mouse across the floor with a length of yarn and talking baby talk. What’s the worst that could happen?

I know, the cat will like it, and then we’ll have to do it again. But we promised to do what it took. If the cat likes it, we will be making a lot of friends. Which is what we wanted.

For more on being friends with cats, read the post Making Friends with a Friend’s Cat or see my many articles about how to get the cat to love you.

We can get over a rocky beginning. Especially when we know that was the real problem all along.

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She has learned manners, the best ways to get along with the two other cats, and what spot on the bed is her favorite.

We have learned all the ways which most pleases the princess.

The couch was assembled at Thanksgiving. It has microfiber upholstery which gives up the car hair quite easily. We have another chair in that fabric, and when Olywn made a couple of pulls, they were fixed with a toothpick. I used it to twirl the fuzzy lining back into the gap in the weave, and then push the weave back into the gap.

Microfiber shrugs off the experimental clawing the two kittens have done, and shown no damage. RJ knows better now, while the Punkin still needs reminding once in a while.

I love microfiber anyway, so the easy care is a bonus. It releases cat hair like silk or satin does, and can be cleaned with a damp cloth. It has a very “close weave,” with fewer bumps and valleys. This texture difference is why fabrics such as brocade and tweed are the hardest to keep clean for any pet owner.

I once had a modular couch with a fuzzy finish that clung to cat hair, lint, and muddy dog paws with such stubbornness that I wound up giving it away for that reason alone. I would have gone with washable slip covers, but my husband at the time was completely allergic to slip covers.

However, if we are open to the idea, we see how useful it is to have washable furniture upholstery. We can even change the look of our rooms with them. I plan to get a microfiber slipcover for the chair seen at left in the photo; I think its color and texture clashes with the green of the couch and the brown of the chair. Its present fabric requires the help of a rubber-bristled brush when it is vacuumed.

Leather and vinyl are notoriously dangerous choices for Cat Appreciators, yet there are ways to have keep both happy. We might want to consider distressed leather, which doesn’t have an illusion of perfection to protect in the first place. Adult cats can be trained to leave it alone from the beginning, and we’ll find that a button or zipper on our clothing has done what we worried the cats would do. While vinyl is notoriously shiny and soft, showing such damage instantly, leather is tougher, and will respond to oil and polish.

We can also consider the look and impact of our cat scratching posts. They can blend, too. (Declawing is never an option.)

Of course, good scratching posts in the right places may look shabby when well used, but that means our furniture… won’t.

Olwyn is influencing the decorating in another way, too. We have smooth, uncluttered tabletops, because she likes to knock small objects (stuff we need, like reading glasses and pens) off of tables.

She likes to fish her food out of her bowl and eat it off her paw, too. Every so often a toy she is playing with is not hers, but that happens rarely now. She has learned what we mean when we say, This is not for kittens. Though she might still want to investigate it.

Because she is still a kitten, and she tries everything many many times. But she is also so sweet that we don’t mind. She has Dear Husband almost completely trained, as he would be the first to tell you. One of Punkin’s favorite things in all the world is to keep Dear Husband company. So much so that he sometimes types one-handed.

We also spoil her, though not extravagantly. She does need to stop sneaking her ninja paw (all we see is the ninja paw!) over the edge of a TV tray to try and steal a treat off our plates, and must be watched. When we have the dining room set assembled we will find it easier to refine her table manners.

We love to hug our Punkin and get her purring loudly and encourage her to drape herself over us. Her favorite spot on the new couch is to perch on the arm, and lean against me. RJ likes to drape himself over one of the big back cushions, while Mr. Bond likes to curl up in the middle of the cushion.

And, sometimes, I sit on the new couch.

This post was about how our new kitten is fitting into a family of two humans, and two Beta boys of widely varying age. See all my Olwyn posts.

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We are pleased that the constant, gentle, reinforcement of our wishes is finally paying off.

There are no shortcuts in kitten training.

That’s because, no matter how loving or bright or willing to please a kitten might be, they still have the notably tiny Kitten Attention Span.

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The Kitten Attention Span is both short, and easily diverted to a new track. Anyone who has raised a baby or a puppy is already familiar with the challenges. Why can’t they retain information the first, or five hundredth, time?

Well, they aren’t built that way. They have to learn how to learn.

We accomplish two important tasks when raising a kitten; both of which are impacted by the kitten’s natural, randomly focused, state.

Without understanding the Kitten Attention Span, we will find that one goal undermines the other. We lose patience and yell at the kitten, hoping to make an impression so they will behave from now on. Or we give up and let them be cute and uncontrolled.

Both of these tactics undermines our future relationship. If we yell or throw things at the kitten, they will quickly learn… that we are unpredictable and mean. If we don’t try to train them at all, they will become larger, less cute, and even more annoying.

We can work with, not against, the Kitten Attention Span with these tips for training:

Keep them close. When we spend a lot of time with our kitten, we will strengthen the bond of trust which keeps them wanting to please us. Since they are usually ready to abandon whatever they are doing for a new thing, we can easily get into, and out of, playing with them as our schedule allows.

Act quickly. When we keep tabs on our kitten, we can pick the right moment to divert them away from danger and towards something they are supposed to play with. The sooner we complete our “redirection,” the faster this reflex will take hold. Our kitten’s mind is constantly seeking input and acting on impulse.

Repeat, repeat, repeat. Embedding these wanted behaviors means that the kitten will not resist the right impulse when it appears. They are always willing to do something without thinking first. Thinking comes later.

By giving them the right things to think about, we will reap the benefit of their thinking… when it does appear.

Hang in there, and we will have a fun time with our kitten, while looking forward to our future cat.

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This tactic works well with strangers, too.

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It’s very important that a cat’s first encounter with someone should go smoothly, because even the friendliest cats are carefully gathering information about new people, and one bad move can set the relationship back. So take interested friends, one at a time, into a room where the cat may be, and let the cat feel the freedom to move or otherwise opt out if it gets to be too much.

Then, even on the same visit, we can start announcing that Someone is here to see them! These reports that Someone is curious about them will be intriguing to them.

We can enlarge the cat’s circle of friends by helping our own family and friends become friends with our cat.

We can increase the social ability of our cats by having people know how to flatter and attract our cat. Interested parties will enjoy getting some cat knowledge.

Even if our cat is shy and hides, we can linger in the room with Someone, and say their name several times. This will make the cat feel less threatened. Put some treats down in that room. If they come out to eat them, we know they are feeling better.

We build the bond of trust with our cat by helping them to meet nice people.

The holiday season is a good time to reflect how much we are loved…

by our cat.

Wishing all my readers the best of the season!

For more about meeting and greeting, see Making Friends with a Friend’s Cat.

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