The Way of Cats

Can cats change? Absolutely.

For example, we have been enjoying the New, Improved, Puffy. Now With More Social Ability!

more cat pictures

Getting a kitten is having a paradoxical effect on Puffy, which shouldn’t surprise me. Puffy has the ability to get around normal laws of time and space. Though, naturally, not in any way we can harness for the good of humankind.

Puffy’s been known to make his way from one room to another without being detected. He can materialize from nowhere when he hears the click of his dish being set on the counter. When he’s on my lap, he can tell when I’m thinking about getting up, and he jumps off even though I’m willing to sit a little longer, just for him.

He’s sleeping on the bed with the two other cats, and he’s on the arm of my chair as I type this. He is more visible many times of the day. We are always glad to see him.

What is responsible for this transformation? I can only guess; Puffy’s mental pathways are shady and obscure. But it seems the respect RJ shows him has piqued Puffy’s curiosity. Now that RJ is more grown up, Puffy can come out and study this interesting creature without worrying he is going to be pounced on and ritually disembowled.

This confidence has slopped over into other areas. Eating with the other cats twice a day is a happy time that helps him feel more social. The kitten is getting in less trouble, which lets him come out and play without feeling he’s going to get scolded. (Not that Puffy ever needs scolding. But he’s so sensitive our scolding the kitten gets him upset.) The kitten has gotten us to bring in lots of new toys and some of them appeal to Puffy after RJ demonstrates them.

This points up the importance of mirroring. Cats, like us, are highly dependent on what trained scientists call “monkey see, monkey do.” We are far more likely to perform a behavior we have seen someone else do. Puffy has been seeing RJ playing with toys and interacting with us. He is now more likely to do so.

Puffy did not pick up on Mr. Bond’s more sophisticated behaviors, perhaps because of a sense of futility in successfully pulling them off. There’s also the factor that Mr. Bond is disparaging towards Puffy, and has despaired of making any kind of cat companion out of him. But RJ’s simpler approach has sparked Puffy’s interest.

It’s common to speak of getting a kitten to “bring out the kitten in your cat.” And it’s certainly possible.

If the kitten and the cat get along, as I’m glad to say our three do, it’s happiness, cubed.

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There’s more about multiple cats in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See more posts on the MULTIPLE CAT ADVANTAGE.

There’s an even higher goal than having cats who get along. It’s having cats who genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Mr. Bond (on the left) and RJ (on the right) are sharing a moment on the bed. RJ is paying Mr. Bond the highest compliment. He is mirroring Mr. Bond’s body language.

Recently we have been spending a lot of time in the bedroom instead of the living room. We’ve been doing some rearranging and putting together of new storage devices. RJ is not sure how to handle these changes. He knows the hanging out in the bedroom routine well, but the added wrinkle of boxes and clothes strewn around the room; that’s new. He doesn’t know what to think.

When I found RJ hanging out in the living room, lonely and confused, I picked up some toys, and then him. I carried them all to the bedroom and put them on the bed, where Mr. Bond already was. Mr. Bond arranged himself on one side of the toys. Then RJ did.

Mr. Bond, by modeling the correct behavior, was a great source of reassurance to RJ. Whatever this was, it was to be studied, not feared. So RJ settled in next to Mr. Bond, who was supervising the process, knowing it well, alert to the always predictable appearance of the vacuum cleaner in Act Two.

(We think Mr. Bond is studying the vacuum cleaner for his great treatise, The Behavior of the Vacuum Cleaner, which will be published, he knows, to great acclaim. We know Mr. Bond is a promising cat scientist, because he is capable, upon the delivery of a new vacuum cleaner, to recognize the picture on the box, and avoid that box conspicuously until it vanishes again.)

A few minutes later, and their head positions have switched; now it’s Mr. Bond, on the left, who is pretending not to look at the other. RJ has stopped pretending he is sleeping and is investigating his rabbit. Mr. Bond continues to signal that all is well.

After half an hour, RJ’s curiosity about the temporarily empty closet is going to be greater than his fear, and he will jump down to explore. But he will first look back over his shoulder, because Mr. Bond will know when it’s safe to go in there.

This is something we humans might miss. We might not think to tell him ourselves. We might not know what he is asking. We might lack the mutual communication skills to let each other know what we each need to know.

But Mr. Bond knows the routine and how to speak Cat. He will tell RJ what is safe, and what is not. He enjoys this role, especially since Modeling in a Dignified Manner is his preferred technique.

We have fostered this relationship by saying nice things about them to each other. Since they are both Betas, they tend to have shared interests. Mr. Bond’s settled ease and savvy behavior has made him into the cat RJ wants to be when he grows up.

Mr. Bond, as we suspected, has been sucked in by the flattery.

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more about multiple cats in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See more posts on the MULTIPLE CAT ADVANTAGE.

A reader writes:

My son brought home an adorable male kitten but our older cat, a female stray, never took to him. He chases her and she will hide or avoid him. He never hurts her, but now she doesn’t like him near her. He has gotten hurt chasing her, and now he’s started spraying around the house! Is there anything we can do?

Dear Readers,

My first hunch was that these were two widely differing cat personalities. My reader confirmed that Older Cat enjoyed her routines, was shy about new things, and was in many ways a classic Gamma, while Young Upstart was into everything, high energy, and had other Alpha characteristics. This is too great a difference for easy blending, especially since they are the only two cats.

Two cats are always the trickiest cusp of the behavior template I call “mirroring.” As we do, cats look to others of their kind as a check on their own behavior. Cats living in close proximity have no choice but to spend more time with each other, encountering the cat mirror during their routines of daily life.

Cats can develop a fierce dislike for each other, or one can unknowingly become the bane of the other’s existence. Older Cat did not have the inter-cat skills to either ignore the kitten or teach him to leave her alone. The Alpha kitten is finding her too irresistible to play with, no matter what she does. He doesn’t mean to bully her, but that is how she is seeing it.

When these two cats look at each other, they see frustration.

This builds and builds the stress level in the home. There being only two cats means neither cat can see a different reflection. Another cat puts new matrixes in the cat mirror, giving them different ways of evaluating their behavior and communication. Having a third cat in this scenario would result in a different mirror. Third cat could be a playmate for rowdy Alpha, allowing him a new cat to approach and taking the pressure off the shy Gamma. The cats involved have a less stressful reflection they see staring back from the cat mirror.

Understanding our home’s cat mirror is the hidden key to cat compatibility. If possible, encourage the cats to show up together for treats, sharable toys, and special attentions. They will relieve their frustration by associating the other cat with something good for a change, and this can smooth the path to eventual friendship.

But ultimately, it might be an irreconcilable difference that will demand segregating the two cats or finding one a new home. In this case, I advised my reader, He’s going to chase her as long as she runs. She will always run. These are fundamental traits of these two cats, and not responsive to change. My reader has tried to reduce the stress levels in the house, such as Feliway to project calming pheromones and trying to keep the two cats away from each other.

This works when cats are still evaluating their responses and the stress triggers can be reduced. We can’t change these cats’ personalities, and it is pointlessly cruel to try. Trying to rev up or cool down either of the cats beyond limits they have already shown would only frighten or irritate them.

In circumstances such as my reader explained to me, I agreed that Alpha should keep his room of his own, where he behaves and doesn’t spray. This is not cruel in the short term, provided he gets visiting time, because stress is always bad for him and the fact that he’s not spraying in there means he’s calm. It also means my reader can approach the task of getting him a new home with the confidence that there is nothing wrong with this cat that a new environment can’t fix.

Some cats will get along, no matter what we do. Some cats will never get along, no matter what we do. In between these two extremes, we can make some efforts to reconcile differences with shared fun activities, supervising the stress level, and not letting confrontations get out of hand. If the situation cannot improve, and there isn’t enough room to let the two cats lead separate lives, the new cat will need to find a new home. I gave my reader some suggestions on rehoming.

It’s sad when a cat does not work out, but I wonder if sometimes the best service we can provide for a particular cat is acting as a station on their railroad.

We might not be their ultimate destination, but we can serve as a way of getting them one.

Want to avoid this situation?
There’s more help at The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my BEST WAY CAT INTRODUCTIONS.