When we have three, or more, cats, we have levels of interaction which will increase everyone’s satisfaction and happiness.

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I already have two cats who don’t get along! Why would I want to make more problems for myself?

Because cats do not obey the laws of physics, we may add a cat, but we will subtract from our cat problems.

Third Cat, especially if carefully chosen, creates another option for cat friendship for both of the existing cats. Even in the worst case scenario, that of a lively Alpha with an anti-social Gamma, adding a third, Beta, cat will impose a different, and more flexible, dynamic.

Now, instead of one cat constantly being harassed (as they see it) by the other cat, we have Third Cat, who, being Beta, will try to make friends with everyone. They will, at the least, be an object of interest to the Alpha, taking the pressure off the Gamma. At the most, the Beta will pivot between fun activities with the Alpha, and quiet companionship with the Gamma.

All our cat relations improve.

It’s fairly easy for an aspiring Cat Appreciator to acquire two cats who don’t get along. We get a stray, we get another stray; they both have issues with abandonment and trust. We probably messed up the introductions, and then didn’t police the situation properly.

But the odds of having three cats who hate each other are fairly astronomical. Someone is going to send out a friendship feeler, loneliness doesn’t look so good any more, bridges get built.

After all, two cats who ignore each other are not a problem. Two cats who divide up the house and stay away from each other are not a problem. Cats who have differing ideas about social interaction… there’s your problem.

More cats is the solution.

Cats do not have pack behavior. But they do have social behavior.

Learn more about the different cat types.

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Even if that is all they do.

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If we have cat buddies in the house, we are familiar with the way cats enjoy sleeping with, or on, each other. But they don’t have to be asleep to enjoy low key closeness.

Since cats communicate with each other using body language, they can be exchanging the subtlest of signals. When they pass in the hallway, one can lean a bit to nudge the other’s shoulder. When they come in a room, look around, and leave, they might have taken the time to have an exchange of glances and a swift squinting of the eyes.

Older cats especially enjoy the little things, and savvy cats of any age will make friendship overtures accordingly. RJ enjoyed playing by himself when the other cats didn’t feel like thundering down the hallway, but he could also hang out near them, doing nothing. Olwyn won Mr. Bond over by rolling around on the bed and winding up with her head on his tail, accidentally.

When a cat shares their territory, and shares all the patrolling and observing duties that come with it, this expresses the highest compliment one mature cat can pay to another. They are seeing the world the same way. We might not know just how much information is being exchanged, evaluated, and enjoyed, but I’ve concluded it is considerable, since plotting is also part of it.

It’s easy to see when kittens enjoy playing with each other; it’s usually hard to miss. But older cats will have looking out the window time, peeking around the couch time, and waiting by the door time, all without too many clues to just how close that friendship is.

Except, you know, they’re close.

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Not only is it a trusting act to groom and be groomed, it is also highly practical. Cats don’t clean spots on other cats which can be easily accessed. Cats clean spots, like the top of the head and the back of the neck, that are difficult for the owners to reach.

We should notice, and praise, our cats for such signs of teamwork.

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Just the other day, Olwyn bounced up to RJ and invited him to play. He had a mission to get to (doubtless a windowsill was calling his name) but he declined politely by briefly cleaning the top of her head.

It’s a greeting, an apology, a hug. Even Mr. Bond, who is reserved when it comes to other cats, would allow Puffy to lick the top of his head. While he wouldn’t reciprocate, he wouldn’t hurt Puffy’s feelings by rejecting his overtures, either.

It can be the drowsy preliminary to a shared nap, or a kind of bare-knuckled mothering, where the recipient is held in place with a paw and told it’s for their own good.

We reproduce the power of grooming when we pet our cats on top of their heads, or scratch around their ears or under the chin. These are tricky spots to get to, and cats find such attentions pleasing.

Even though we might see other cats get vigorous with their grooming, we cannot imitate them exactly. We don’t have the tools or the sensibilities. So keep our actions gentle, and let the cat’s head come to us. When our cat sets the pace and the pressure, we know they are still having a good time.

Grooming is something common in primates, and we humans do it for each other; professionally, parentally, or as a friend. While we are used to thinking of stroking our cat as “petting,” it seems like a form of grooming to our cat.

Which might be why they like it so much.

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Or, as we often call it, Cat Tattling.

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This is usually a specialty of Betas, whose keen social interests make them ideally suited to both notice, and rat out, offenders.

The two young cats, Reverend Jim and Olwyn, have become fascinated with a little bookcase we have in the bedroom. Now that I’ve tidied it up, the paperbacks on the top, open, shelf look more solid; and thus, more likely to be landed on during play. We have told both of them they are not supposed to jump on it.

So, it has now morphed into another source of amusement; each cat is eager to rat out the other if one of them forgets.

The other night, Dear Husband didn’t notice that Olwyn had crept onto the top shelf of the bookcase, until Reverend Jim drew his attention to it. RJ had already been told to get down from there, and he wasn’t about to let Olwyn get away with it.

In another incident, RJ became frustrated with Olwyn when she monopolized his favorite toy, but instead of asking us for some solitary play time, he sat on her a little too hard, making her squeal. He backed right off, and we praised him for it, but this was not enough for Mr. Bond.

As we were getting ready to bribe Olwyn into the bathroom so we could take care of RJ, we heard a big thump. Mr. Bond had knocked RJ onto his side, and was staring at him, lashing his tail. RJ humbly begged forgiveness, and all was well.

Since cats do not have hierarchical social structures, where do these kinds of impulses come from?

The cat’s sense of routine. Cats rely on their routines. The possibility of having a treasured event delayed or disrupted because Someone Else has messed things up can motivate a cat to stick to the program. And nudge other cats to do so.

I’ve been on my knees, picking up broken porcelain or blotting up the carpet, when inquiring faces appear to let me know it’s dinnertime. I explain I can’t do it now, tell them why, and I name names. They remember.

The cat’s sense of outcomes. It always cracks me up when we get a new kitten, because the new kitten will play with wires or walk on the music keyboard, and there’s the older cat, staring in horror at such blatant disrespect.

Sedate and responsible cats know kittens will get in trouble, and dislike the fuss made over disciplining them. So if a cat can discourage another one from misbehaving, they can head off the correction, too.

The cat’s sense of learning. Cats have sensitive emotional sides that helps them avoid bad outcomes. This works in the wild, and in our home.

Cats love to teach a new kitten How Things Are Done. This makes them feel good, because they have anticipated a desired outcome, and then brought it about. This applies to any process, animate or inanimate.

I encourage our older cats to be mentors, supervisors, and, if necessary, disciplinarians. While Betas have an advantage in the social area, Alphas have a finely honed sense of cause and effect, and Gammas will be the most horrified at breaches of decorum.

As our cats learn to live in harmony, policing each other can be a valuable skill that gets passed on and reinforced in our Cat Civilization.

Just one more of the many reasons to love Cat Civilization.

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They are both fond of wand/fishing pole toys, but K likes to stalk and pounce, whereas D rushes right in and leaps after the toy. Not only does this prevent K from being able to stalk, he also dislikes it when D’s wild leaps send him crashing down near or on K.

Is there a way to guide or shape D’s playing behavior? Can I communicate to him that he needs to let K have a chance?

Dear Readers,

One cat won’t stop playing, and the other one can’t start. I have this going on with three year old RJ and one year old Olwyn, and it has been the case since we got Olwyn as a kitten.

It’s also over a wand toy. They are simply at different speeds, and they may always be.

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Fortunately, it’s only over the wand toy. But Olwyn, young and energetic and determined, will not stop playing with the wand toy. RJ gets a few grabs at it. But I have to take a battery operated toy into the bathroom and shut Olwyn in there so RJ can have his turn.

I would have to change Olwyn; she would have to become a cat who would pass up a challenge, could ignore a teasing toy, who was able to sit still and let another cat play. Instead, seeing it brings up her competitive side, and she must best RJ at this game.

Might she grow out of it? Possibly, she will develop patience, but she certainly doesn’t have it yet. She also might not.

Cats can learn to control what they have.

But they cannot change their nature.

Olwyn cannot leave the wand toy alone. And neither can RJ; he will not be patient enough for me to play Olwyn into the ground until she is tired enough to watch.

But that’s okay. They love to play other games, and they get along. Just as D and K do, in the message I got.

Even sorta-shared play will help widen our cat’s Circle of Attachment.

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Mr. Bond hid the whole first week. He knows kittens all too well, and was afraid he would get his head tackled when he was trying to nap.

Olwyn was afraid this much bigger cat, who was sending unfriendly signals, would be hostile to her.

How did these two, (that’s Olwyn on the left, James Bond on the right,) who are separated in age by over a decade, and who got off on the wrong foot… become friends?

We were able to shape the situation by understanding the signals these cats sent to each other.

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When Olwyn hissed, and James Bond ran away, I was not upset by this encounter. Olwyn’s reaction meant she knew what Mr. Bond was broadcasting, so I was happy she showed good social understanding. These two cats could communicate.

If I had overreacted to this first meeting, I would have sent the cats the signal that your interactions distress me. We don’t want that, when all they were doing was setting ground rules for each other.

Olwyn was able to respect Mr. Bond’s wishes to be left alone because she had RJ to play with. Once Mr. Bond realized Olwyn was not harassing him, he was more likely to interact with her, and discovered that Olwyn was polite and eager to make friends.

Every step of the way, we praised them when they would make and receive gestures of friendship. There was no more hissing. We would find little Olwyn curled up on Mr. Bond’s tail, her sly way of making contact while making it look like an accident.

RJ & Olwyn had a lot of natural advantages, sharing a mutual interest in play. But their greatly disparate sizes led to us stepping in often during their early friendship.

Here’s how to know if it’s Fun or Fuss:

How quiet is it? Happily playing cats are Quietly playing cats. Yowls, growls, and hissing are signs someone is getting too rough. We must tell the quiet one (the guilty party) that they have to be nicer, and defend the noisy party (the complainer who is always right) if they want to stop playing and leave.

But the noisy one isn’t always wrong, if all they are doing is asking for more play than the other cat wants to provide. If one cat needs more play, we must step in and provide it.

How fair is it? RJ didn’t realize he was massively outweighing little Olwyn, who would always complain if he sat on her or otherwise threw his weight around. Now, RJ is very considerate, even though Olwyn is much bigger, to the point that he won’t get rowdy if Olwyn is around.

Since he needs to go all out sometimes, we make sure she doesn’t hog the best toys. Even if we have to lock her in the bathroom with a different toy for a while.

How mutual is it? If all we had was baby Olwyn and senior James Bond, the difference in their playing styles would have led to unhappiness on both sides. Most kittens will play together, even if they have disparate personalities, because their interest in Play is so strong at that age. Most senior cats can get along, even if they have disparate personalities, because older cats are less demanding of each other. Napping nearby can be all the closeness they desire.

A cat who harasses can be just as guilty, or innocent, as the cat who hides. Each cat only asks for what they need.

It’s up to us to make up for anything the other cats can’t supply.

This post was about how our new kitten is fitting into a family of two humans, and two Beta boys of widely varying age. See all my Olwyn posts.

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When we have a cat doing something interesting, it’s highly likely at least one other cat is observing and learning. We need to watch some “cat theater” ourselves, to make sure what they are teaching each other are not the wrong things.

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Cats don’t have to be social to learn from each other, but it helps. Seeing another cat accomplish something creates instant interest, and cats actually enjoy admiring glances from other cats. They will then be likely to repeat this same maneuver, and the other cats will study it.

Every cat Reverend Jim has encountered has been a profound influence on him. Because of his deprived background, he tends to study other cats intently, but he doesn’t actually imitate them.

Instead, he seems to grasp the concept of what the other cats are doing, and then come up with his own way of accomplishing or understanding a task. In many ways, another cat showing RJ that something is possible creates linkages for him.

It’s not that RJ is simply imitating another cat. The key is when he understands that the other cat is doing something to get what they want.

Having his own kitten has been a great boost to RJ’s development, since he sees Olwyn figure stuff out at his developmental level. It’s not that RJ is not bright; he is.

But he’s still a kitten in many ways. His age, coming up on three years old in a month or so, is still in the kitten range, especially for such a naturally large cat as his most prominent breed, the Maine Coon. But it’s his deprivation that originally stalled him, and now slows his progress.

We started out having to teach him how to play. I even developed a special cat toy to help him grasp concepts and work with his natural intelligence and independence.

Since Dear Husband had never raised a kitten before, he did not see what I saw in RJ; the slowness, the times he would seem to “lock up,” and the way he was seemingly unable to initiate many kinds of contact. Then, we got Olwyn. Seeing a normal kitten negotiate the world made him realize what I had been saying about RJ all along.

Cats learn from other cats all the time, even if they don’t have a deficit to make up. This is why our procedures to keep them out of trouble have to be as smart as our smartest cat.

We only need one cat to figure it out; but after that, any cat can do it. Even after the original cat is no longer there, having a Cat Civilization means these tips and techniques will be passed on.

Which is just another reason why I love having a Cat Civilization.

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It can be very difficult to understand the behavior of cats in groups if we apply the wrong pattern and expect them to follow it.

We will not understand the way cats regard us if we apply the wrong pattern.

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It can seem like cats want to be bossy, or dominant, or stubborn, or even defiant. But this is almost always a misconception. Cats really want only one thing.

Cats want their way.

Let’s be honest. Aren’t we like that too?

We are mistaken when we see cat conflict or cat misbehavior as the expression of dominance. Cats do not compete to be “top cat.”

Depending on the task, different cats can be looked up to for different skills. Cats become friends because they like to do the same things, together.

The behavior of cats in groups is fundamentally different from the ways of dogs and their pack behavior. Also, groups of cats in the home have a variegated mix of personalities that makes each group develop differently, based on the mix of traits in each cat.

But cats are not trying to be the boss of anything as a goal in itself. They can attempt to be the boss, but if we produce unprompted, they are just as happy. That is not the behavior of dominance.

It is the behavior of pragmatism.

Cats do vary in their ability to press their point, and their ability to express it. But every cat wants to be spoiled, and every cat will be more cooperative with us, and more sensitive to our happiness, when we treat them as equals.

They don’t want to be our boss. They don’t want to be bossed.

They want to live with friends who do nice things for each other.

That’s all they want.

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My two cats played together as kittens. I thought they were friends. But now they seem to avoid each other. What could have happened?

Dear Readers,

Usually, nothing happened. It turns out they didn’t have enough in common to be friends as adults.

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Cats who grow up together can build a strong foundation for cat friendship, or simply drift apart, but they are rarely enemies. Sharing a kittenhood does not guarantee adult closeness in the resulting cats, any more than it does with human siblings; but it helps.

If there are no other cats to be friends with, two indifferent cats will band together in times of trouble, such as working together to remind us dinner is late. Once they no longer have this to share, they stop interacting with each other.

Here are ways that kittens grow up to be less close than before:

Low bar at a young age. Kitten friendships require less compatibility than adult ones. They enjoy the same things. It would be difficult to pass up the play opportunities offered by a fellow kitten.

But when they are not so driven to wrestle with each other, the one who likes it less will want to opt out, and the disappointed kitten needs to be helped to wrestle something else.

Style conflicts. One kitten loves to get rough, and the other doesn’t. But as some point, the kitten at a disadvantage doesn’t have to play any more. So they don’t.

If we see a lot of conflicts, where one cat flees or seems to threaten another, we have cats who can no longer play together because someone isn’t picking up the right signals.

Not nudging them enough. We can help them discharge their energy in a better way by using a wand toy, fresh pack of spongeballs, or other shared activities. They are playing together, even if they aren’t playing with each other.

We should say nice things to our cats when we see them in the same room together. This encourages them to be seen, often and happily, near each other, even if very little seems to be occurring.

Sometimes, that’s the point.

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So how many cats are too many?

It’s all in what we have time for, and what the cats need.

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After all, we can have three cats who require a lot of cuddling, or we can have three cats who show up for attention at long intervals. We can have a cat who soaks up their love needs by snoozing on our lap during a movie, or a cat who needs us to provide some lively exercise and entertainment every day.

Or any combination.

Cats can have their social needs met by other animals, too, especially other cats. So if we have cats who enjoy each other’s company, we don’t necessarily have to supply all the affection in the house.

Some cats need special attention from their special people, or they will not be happy. Some cats seem to take us or leave us, relying mostly on other cats, but are coming to understand how to be friendly with us.

We shouldn’t skimp on anybody.

That is the commitment we need to consider: the needs of our own particular cats. If we rescue a litter of ferals, we might need to spend as much time socializing them as we would taking in a couple of cuddlecats who want a lot of our attention. Or we can look to adopt older cats who are happy just snoozing near us most of the time.

So there’s really no one answer to the question: How much time do my cats need from me? Because it is also dependent on us. We should consider whether it is a chore or a delight to interact with our cats.

It’s always easier to make time for that which we very much enjoy.

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