The Way of Cats

A reader writes:

One of the things I love about my significant other is our mutual love of cats. When we move in together, how can we make it one big happy family?

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Dear Readers,

This is a question with so many possible combinations that each will be unique. But there are considerations that apply to any situation.

Whose territory is going to be colonized? If everyone will be in a new place, this will create a situation which is new for everyone. Each group of cats will get a room in the new home, where they can venture out, to discover there are new cats here! This will allow everyone to feel equally entitled to the new territory, and the two groups will mingle without existing territory disputes. Each group will have “their room” to retreat to.

Even when moving one group into another’s territory, this same principle will be useful. Set off a room for the new cats to live in during the transition period. This new room should have an air of mystery and anticipation to it before the new cats arrive. This will let the home cats wonder what it going to happen in there; when something does, this will trigger their curiosity more than their fear.

The new person should be introduced to the other’s cats and relationships established before serious relocation proceeds. Just as introductions should always be in steps, the people involved should have as least neutral status with each other’s cats before blending is attempted.

We should also consider the range of personalities in this new group of cats. Blending a bunch of laid back Betas is much easier than combining one person’s traumatized rescues with the other person’s group of high energy Alphas. The greater the range of the cat personalities in question, the longer the introduction process.

In some ways, groups of cats are easier to introduce than only one. The likelihood of finding a similar cat to be friends with is greater, as is the social support each group of cats has already established for each other. With space and patience, blending the cat family does not have to be a traumatic event for anyone.

As long as each member of the family gets enough time to adjust, and support during it, the dream can be realized.

For more about introducing a new cat to the household, see this page.

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There’s more about multiple cats in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See more posts on the MULTIPLE CAT ADVANTAGE.

Introducing a new cat is not simple addition. It’s more like a calculus problem, with variables depending on the number of existing cats and their personalities.

It can be simple. If we have a younger, social cat with a lot of play drive, and we get a similar kitten, a few hours in the bathroom for the kitten is enough time for the established cat to be wild with curiosity and anticipation. Any misgivings about territorial concerns or favored spots will be subsumed in the play and social advantages this kind of cat appreciates.

If we have more than one cat, they will naturally have a more varied spectrum of possible reactions. It will differ whether we get a kitten or a cat, a lot depends on the new cat’s personality, and we must make sure everyone involved is spayed, neutered, or too young to have hormones yet.

If hormones might be a problem, as in the case of a stray or a kitten in adolescence, we need to be extra careful about tripping the existing cats’ instinct to defend their territory from breeding rivals. We should have the new cat spayed or neutered first, and let them have their own space to recover, before we add the extra stress of establishing themselves in their new home.

First impressions are going to carry a lot of weight in the future.

If the new cat imprints themselves as any kind of threat, this will be their reputation. It’s much harder to change a cat’s mind than it is to allow them an open attitude in the first place.

The more cats we have, and the older the new cat is, the more time will be required for the introduction period. If we don’t have adequate room to set aside to make introductions happen smoothly, this can affect our choice of new cat, and whether we can accommodate another one at all.

Sometimes circumstances don’t let us make preparations. But if at all possible, we should set up a separate room with a litter box, food and water, and what the cat needs to sleep and play before we bring home the new cat. We can’t tell how long the cat might need a space of their own, so it’s best to plan for the worst.

This new space is part of the introduction process before the new cat even gets in there.

Don’t let them in during the preparations, and don’t let them in after.

Let the space become a focus of curiosity from the beginning.

Then adding something new to the room will not upset the cats’ view of how their home is set up. It’s already mysterious. Now, anything might happen. When something does, they will not be so surprised.

When the new cat is about to arrive, get the cats closed off in a separate part of the house so that we can smuggle the new cat into their room without them seeing the process. We want to give the impression that the new cat just appeared there.

It was magic! Now what do we do?

Maintain the polite fiction that this new cat materialized in the room. Now we all have a shared problem.

We will all work towards a shared solution.

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The number one way otherwise intelligent, sensible people mess up cat introductions is trying to rush the process.

There is no rushing the process.

Engrave it on the door, blizzard the kitchen with notes, or tattoo it on the hand that is reaching for the doorknob of the mysterious room. We are ready for the new cat. We picked out the new cat. We can’t wait to play with them and discover all the facets of their personality. But we are not the issue here.

There’s others whose world is being rocked far more greatly than ours is, and if we don’t want them to return the favor, we will give them all the time they need. The new cat is dealing with enough just by arriving. Play with them in their room to get to know them while keeping their new input to a minimum.

If we push the established cats into an opinion, they will err on the side of caution and decide this was a tremendously bad idea. They can’t help it. They are cats. They are always going to go with “the devil they know.”

The key to happy introductions is to let curiosity trump all other emotions.

Realizing the mysterious room has created another cat will start a storm of thoughts in the established cat’s heads, and, being cats, their first impulse will be to regard this development as a negative one. They will need time to sort through all their reactions, come to conclusions, and see what happens next.

What should happen next is: Nothing.

Life goes on. We go in and out of the mysterious room. The new cat’s scent is on our hands and clothes, and we allow them to smell it, but only if they want to. The food still shows up and the playtimes continue. Any dreadful expectations the cats might have will fade as the cats conclude that, at least as of now, nothing has really changed. Their fears will quiet with nothing to feed them, and curiosity will start to dominate their thinking.

Once they exhibit interest in the door without displays of fear or irritation, this is the point where we allow a cat to declare, “I’m going in.”

We don’t even have to figure out which cat will first venture in. If we have more than one established cat, the cats will allow the bravest, that is, the least frightened, to be the cat who keeps asking to come in.

We should choose a time when the house is quiet, New Cat is fed and played with, and things are generally as calm as possible. This time, when we go in, a cat will come in with us. It’s important to see how New Cat reacts to this invasion of their territory. If New Cat is young or eager for social interaction, New Cat won’t care. They will immediately start making overtures to Brave Cat. How Brave Cat responds is up to them.

If things go well, let them go well. If things don’t go well, open the door to let Brave Cat out. They will want to go. If we think it’s a possibility that New Cat will want Brave Cat to leave and Brave Cat won’t want to go, stand by with a spray bottle to help persuade Brave Cat it’s time to leave the room.

We can let the two cats interact until tensions start to rise, then we let the cats part. No matter how well things are going, we must call an end and let each cat back into their own space for overnight or when we are not there to supervise. We should not leave them alone together at this early stage, because our presence soothes both cats and lets them feel nothing too bad is going to happen.

So it goes. If Brave Cat emerges from the mysterious room intact, this will reassure any other cats. Each time cats interact and nothing bad happens, everyone feels better. Soon, New Cat is, at least, no longer new. The mysterious door is opened more and more, and finally left open so New Cat can, if needed, retreat to their territory.

Even if we feel are taking two steps forward and then one step back, that is progress. It will eventually get us to where we want to be; a home with one more cat, and no added problems.

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It’s true that the cats will have their own ideas of how interesting or obnoxious the newcomer might be. But this does not mean we cannot shape or, if necessary, enforce, proper guidelines for behavior, just as we always have done.

Many times we are advised to “let the cats work it out.” Be assured that they will; water settles at its own level, and differing personalities will settle on some kind of equilibrium. What should give us pause is the near certainty that it will not settle in a way that will please us.

If left unchecked, aggressive personalities will act out, retiring personalities will hide under the bed, and even emotionally steady cats will start behaving badly because of the stress. This isn’t what we want, so we must step in and encourage fair play and respect.

Remember, the cats are taking their cues from us.

Left alone, they will follow their own inclinations. We have stepped in before, to let them know we don’t want them climbing the blinds or sneaking into the refrigerator. We have always made our preferences known. This is no exception.

Make the new cat part of fun times, like treat distribution or play sessions. If all the new cat does is hang back, that’s fine! They aren’t interfering with anything. If the new cat wants to join in, that’s fine! They can play and get treats too, there’s plenty for everyone.

As with any thinking being, cats want to know what to think about this new thing. If we are happy instead of apprehensive, fair instead of preferential, willing to moderate interaction instead of abandoning the cats to this major upset in their world, they will be soothed by our attitude.

We are the Boss of Cat Town. With privilege comes responsibility. We want every cat to be happy in our home, in their own way. Cats who are fearful should be reassured. Cats who are friendly should be praised and fussed over. Cats who are aggressive should be reminded that this is not the way we roll in Cat Town.

We should not rush the end of introductions any more than we should rush the beginning. It can take time for cats to accept this new planet in the orbits, especially since the new cat is also making their way in their new home. Behaviors change.

If we are there to supervise, behaviors will change in the right direction.

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more to The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my LATEST CAT ADVICE.