But it’s not like I had a lot of choice; three of us juggled days off and work obligations and kitten transport until we finally arrived at our destination; a home for two kittens.

Sometimes, it’s easy to tell if a person likes cats, as Bonnie relaxes in a human’s arms. The lady in this couple had chatted with me on the phone and I was impressed with her knowledge of cats.

Any rough edges these “slightly feral” kittens might have will get smoothed over with this sure hand at the helm.

These two kittens are always seen together; it was a wonderful bonus that this couple wanted two.

Not all littermates are friends; these two are.

As seen here, with his “perplexed ears,” Clyde is not sure about this situation.

Because he was both purring, and shaking, I put him down in the same “sheltered” space I’d placed Bonnie, earlier. He was reassured by his littermate, who takes things in stride much more easily, and by the low pressure situation all the humans created.

I moved them to an area with an overhang, and items in front of them. This gives nervous cats a feeling of safety and enclosure.

It worked; as the humans chatted, they were able to be part of the group, and yet not pressured to feel more vulnerable than they were comfortable with.

By the time we left, both Bonnie and Clyde were pouring the cat kisses over me, as demonstrated here by Bonnie. That, as much as anything else, made me feel comfortable with their ability to handle this new situation.

Their new “mom” was the one who declared the little girl was a “Bonnie.” It was me who pointed out that the little boy would then, inevitably, have to be “Clyde.” But it works for him!

The husband in this couple was on the quiet side; but he was visibly beaming as we discussed the kittens.

My friend was apprehensive about the whole process; she was instrumental in finding homes for the two kittens last year, but they went to people she knew. She asked, “How can you do it? How can you hand over babies to people you don’t know?”

There isn’t any perfect answer. But a big clue was that, while we were there, the cat tree they had ordered for their new kittens, arrived.

I think these two kittens will be spoiled properly.

And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world. Jerusalem Talmud

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more to choosing a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CHOOSING A CAT.

I love this cat and they can be so sweet with me.

But this cat goes crazy/fights with the other cats/won’t stop doing that thing everyone hates/seems so miserable sometimes.

Is there anything more I can do?

Dear Readers,

I’m always sorry to tell these folks that, sometimes, a cat cannot have their problems fixed in the way the humans wish to fix them.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

These are folks who have searched the web, read books, and enlisted their veterinarian. They have tried several good ideas already, find me, get a few more good ideas, and they don’t work either. These are cat-savvy people with several successful cat relationships, an understanding home, and enough resources to keep trying.

It is certainly possible that there are more things this family could attempt. It is certainly possible that another cat consultant could work where I have failed. It is certainly possible that there exists a solution to this cat’s problem, as described.

But by this point, it is actually more possible that this cat will never work in this home… and that is all that is wrong.

However, no one likes to think that way. So they don’t. They keep butting their heads against The Problem because it’s simply not human to admit a problem exists that has no solution we would like. Especially not when some sort of emotional loss would be involved.

When we love this cat, and the cat loves us, we automatically discard solutions involving the two of us no longer loving each other. But that is the wrong way to look at this problem. The right way to look at it is to conclude that our home isn’t working. We must consider if another home, would.

Many, many people find the thought of finding homes for Grown Cats With Problems such a daunting task they won’t even consider it. In the many thoughts tumbling through their head about solving the cat’s problems, this is a high voltage wire they don’t want to even approach.

That’s because it doesn’t feel like love; to “give up” on a cat and cast them out to an uncertain future. But that is not what we are doing.

It is an act of love to rehome a cat into a better situation for the cat.

When we grapple with these issues, we must be cautious, lest our Ego get in the way. By making the assumption that this is cat not lovable by anyone but us, aren’t we doing the cat a disservice? If they are lovable, just too stressed in our home situation, then this is a cat we can give to a home that is better for them, without guilt, without feeling like we are terrible people.

We think of this cat as a Cat With Problems, but that might not be true.

If they were in a house as an Only Cat; if they didn’t have to deal with dogs or small children; if they had someone home all day; if they had more room to run; if they had a less rowdy environment; if any of the things that were causing this cat a problem were taken care of…

They wouldn’t have a problem, would they?

For help on rehoming a cat, see Resumes for Cats.

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more to choosing a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CHOOSING A CAT.

Without being abandoned, then found, in quick succession, Tristan would not have gotten a home with us (or, indeed, anywhere.) But if he had not been abandoned, and not found, and he made it past kittenhood?

He would have been feral; and “lost” in a different way.

To see Tristan like this, with a pot of grass behind him, drinking from a fountain topped with a disco ball… okay, it’s not an environment in nature. But it is our domestic cat’s “natural environment.”

This is the price cats paid for joining up with us; they experienced many new environments without changing themselves all that much. Cats have not evolved to handle high humidity, for instance. They successfully ran wild in arctic forests, such as the Norwegian Forest Cat and the Siberian, but these are arid climates, like the desert.

In climates with more humidity, such as the Pacific Northwest, cats can die from ear mites. Even though where I live now has a very similar climate to Far North Forests; Tristan isn’t that kind of breed.

It’s not that Tristan could not have been a successful feral cat. He certainly has all the hunting moves he would need. He’s also bright enough to overcome his short fur handicap and find a warm spot to get through our harsh winters.

Given a mother with hunting skills, he could have made it to the 5 or so years such cats have as an average lifespan. But such is not a guarantee; my friend who found him kept a close watch on the area, wanting to see if another kitten needed rescue (and there was one!)

She also asked around to find out something of his background. A cat we called “Feral Dad” was glimpsed; with Tristan’s coat, dragging a rabbit the size of himself.

But Dads don’t actually teach hunting skills; Moms do.

Tristan’s mother was likely a neglected pet cat. The grapevine mentioned a home where a kitten grew up to be a cat; and was then abandoned. Unspayed and unskilled in hunting, this kind of cat is exactly the kind who would be overwhelmed by survival challenges; and then driven to abandon her kittens. Nature has cold equations; first to go would be the bigger kitten who drank the most milk.

Tristan might have been able to survive solely on his instincts. But his strong social abilities would have been completely neglected. Hormonally intact males drive all other cats from their territory; or try to. Tristan might have been driven far away by his own father; or even killed by him.

Happy play has its roots in such territorial battles. Many a male cat who is let outside comes back with grievous wounds after an encounter with a seasoned veteran — who is not playing. These same fun activities gain a much sharper edge when survival is at stake.

And when survival is not at stake; we can see our cats become relaxed, playful, and highly social. Tristan hates to be alone; and that’s the existence that would have been forced upon him.

Genetically and by temperament, Tristan loves and trusts people. He was found because he launched himself at the first human he saw, crying for help.

It’s possible that these same urgings could have come into play later in his life. If his mother had been able to hang in there long enough to get him out on his own, he could have been driven to hanging out around people, hoping for help and a handout. Such cats do appear, ghosts in the shadows, and I’ve rescued a few myself that way.

Here’s how to take in a stray.

Fortunately for everyone, what happened to Tristan is what should happen for all such kittens; they get found by people who care enough to get them loving homes.

Then they can become what every cat should be: a source of joy.

To help feral cats in what is now their “natural habitat,” explore the many ways to help Alley Cat Allies in their humane quest. In 2009 they spent 81% of what they took in on their programs to help all cats.

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.

Shelter cats come in a broad range of age, temperament, and previous experience. But one thing they all have in common is a strong interest in how their needs will be met in this new environment.

Making a fuss over the routines in our home satisfies their curiosity, forms expectations, and creates a sense of security.

All else flows from these foundations.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

The beauty of communicating our new cat’s routine is that it works for every cat.

We might have gotten a beloved family pet who landed in the shelter from unfortunate circumstance. We might have gotten a wary street cat who is still searching for love. No matter what our cat’s previous situation was, they will really want to know about this new one.

Showing our cat what they can expect, and what is expected of them, will answer their most burning questions in the best possible way.

When I brought home Reverend Jim, he was four and a half months old and had never known a home. We spent his whole first afternoon and evening continually showing him the litterbox, the food station, and where his toys were kept (though he didn’t know how to play yet.) A bowl that was always full, a great big litterbox, soft places where he could nap … this was fantastic stuff!

He never got tired of us giving him this little tour, and his upturned and beaming face never dimmed.

So the moment we let our new cat out of their carrier, we can make it be near a place of vital interest. If they are going to have a room to themselves, everything will be obvious and available. If they are First Cat and will have the run of the place, either the litter box or their food station are good places to start.

With these important locations serving as a home base, they can make their explorations with confidence.

While we let them explore on their own, at their pace, we can stroll around their new home and discuss things of mutual interest. Here’s the food bowl. We want them to drink a lot of water. We pledge to keep the litter clean.

They might not know much of our language yet. They might not know what to make of us. But we seem to be interested in the same things they are.

Friendship starts that way.

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more to raising and training a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CAT TRAINING TIPS.

Should I get a cat from a shelter?

Dear Readers,

I didn’t shorten this letter, as I often do. That was all the question I got. Since they did not elaborate, I could only assume they have the usual worries about adopting cats from shelters.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

Let me lay all those worries to rest.

Adopting cats from shelters is the absolute best choice you can make.

Here’s why:

Been raised. Many people think raising their own kitten means they get to dictate what kind of cat they will turn out to be. But this isn’t so.

I picked two previous kittens for qualities that resulted in them being calm love bunnies. Our most recent kitten was a foundling with no clue to his personality; while he is being raised in exactly the same way, he’s a nutball with a lot of energy who has a very different impact on our household.

While it’s rewarding to raise a kitten right, nothing will change a kitten’s fundamental qualities. If we are new to kitten raising, we should start with a cat.

Not their fault. Probably the biggest worry people have is that they are getting “someone else’s problem.” While this shows a kindly heart, meaning they wouldn’t even consider giving up a cat unless there are serious problems… that’s not how cats wind up in the shelter.

After all, kindly people who have cat problems take their cat to the vet, research the issue on the Internet, buy a book about cat problems, or write people like me. Other people ditch cats at the shelter when they are moving, or they don’t take care of them properly and blame the cat for the subsequent misbehavior, or they just kick the cat out of the house and the cat is brought in starving and desperate or injured and pathetic.

There are people who have uncontrollable circumstances that means they have to bring their cat to the shelter. They might be seriously ill, or have to help take care of someone seriously ill. Or the one who loved the cat passed away, and no one else wants them. Life can seriously uproot us, sometimes.

None of these problems are remotely the cat’s fault. The fact that most cats can overcome these hurdles to be loving and adorable pets says a lot about cats.

Real deal. We have the cat checked over, altered if need be, get their shots, and often identity chipped, too; all for one low fee. This comes with some expert evaluations by the people who also know the cat well; the shelter folks.

Let them know what kind of cat we’d like, and chances are, they have suggestions. While the final decision is up to us, we don’t have to be alone in making it.

Real connection. Shelter cats tend to have the ability to appreciate what they have in a real home, and will be open and loving to us; their rescuers.

If we behold a cat who makes eye contact, who reaches for us or verbally begs to be petted and held, who is willing to interact with us and actually lobby for this position; we should listen to this cat. We’ve already made a link to this cat.

Because if we are worried about acquiring a cat with a problem, we can simply not pick a cat with a problem.

No problem.

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more to choosing a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CHOOSING A CAT.

Yet, he turned out to be a handsome, cuddly, mellow, adorable cat.

How could I tell? How did I know he was a cat I could help?

Reverend Jim gave me a very big head-start on this question; when he reached out to me, when he indicated he craved contact, when he cuddled with me right away. If we get such clear signals of sociability from a kitten or cat; we have our answer, despite any other problems this choice might have.

So how did I wind up with James Bond?

Who adores me so much he must sleep next to my chest, like a teddy bear; who was so shy at eight weeks that he was headed for the kill shelter when all his littermates had found homes; who squirmed madly when he was placed in my arms.

I got clear indicators that James Bond would work out, too. They just weren’t the same indicators:

This was how I knew I could reach the frightened kitten in there; the kitten no one else had yet seen. Indeed, within ten minutes, this kitten was my best buddy. He was relaxed in my arms, purring and kneading.

His caretaker was astonished at the transformation, and I handed him over; I was full up, of course, and was hoping to get him tamed so he could find a home. But in the nice lady’s arms who had been feeding him for two weeks, he resumed his squirming, and added crying, too.

James Bond got his name from the way he clung when he was passed back. And that, was that.

We can often feel drawn to the cat “we feel sorry for.” We imagine the transforming power of our love pulling that cat from the back of their cage, from under our bed, from out of our closet. We are bitterly disappointed if this does not happen, and we do not get the affectionate companionship we wanted.

Unfortunately, if we get no gestures from such a cat; no eye contact, no paw waving, no verbal greetings; we don’t have a connection. This cat might not be able to make connections at all, but they are certainly showing tendencies that they will have trouble doing so with us.

If our attempts to create one, fail; then this is not the cat for us.

When we go to the shelter, we can relax if there’s a cat there we can connect with. We should be open and see if a cat picks us. If a cat is already demonstrating that they can make their wishes known, and show some signs of affection, then we have a great base to build upon.

When we choose the cat who chooses us, we both go home with confidence.

To help our new cat with adjustments, see Dear Pammy, Where is the cat I chose in the shelter?

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more to choosing a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CHOOSING A CAT.

Only Tristan got there a whole month sooner.

Does this mean Tristan will grow into a giant cat, even bigger than Reverend Jim?

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Probably not. Reverend Jim’s appearance is dominated by a recognizable breed, the Maine Coon. They are known for growing to a large size, and taking their time about doing it.

While Tristan shares an elongated appearance common to many breeds known as “Oriental types.” They mature early, and while they have long legs and bodies, they do not achieve the size of more stocky, large-boned types of cats.

But I always say “probably.” Because with mixed breeds, no one knows.

Vets, especially, don’t know. I’ve lost track of the number of cats I’ve been told about who were rescued from the shelter, pronounced as being “around a year old” and “they won’t grow any more” by varied veterinarians. These cats then proceed to double in size.

These misconceptions come about because medical professionals, and we ourselves, tend to think of maturity as coinciding with sexual maturity; even though that is ridiculous.

Is a thirteen or fourteen year-old human, mature? Of course not. Any more than a year-old cat is.

The consequences of this false thinking is far more than our cat outgrowing a too-small cat bed. While it’s not a great concern how big our cat will wind up being, our thinking our cat is grown, when they are not, can create problems for both of us.

We can expect too much from a cat who is still, in their mind, an adolescent, despite how large or how developed their body might appear. Our year-old, or even older, cat can still have the “kitten zooms,” still have spells of exhibiting no sense at all, still get absorbed or excited over something and forget what they are supposed to remember.

This is perfectly normal. Cats can survive incredible challenges. Stressed cats can even mature early. This is all in the service of Mother Nature wanting their species to survive. Cats have the incredible ability to suspend their development when their environment is challenging. This is the part veterinarians are taught in school; this is the part their misplaced confidence comes from.

But cats can also exhibit the amazing ability to resume their growth once the challenge is over. Sadly, many cats don’t get that chance. But for the cats who do, it can take their people by surprise, since they are not expecting their cat to reach back into a kind of kittenhood; and pick it up where they left off.

That solemn little creature who seems so adult; can hit the rewind button and become what they were meant to be, all along.

We need to keep that in mind when our rescued cat seems to be going backwards. They are.

And it’s a good thing.

Love certain breeds?
There’s more about getting the cat you dream of at The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See MORE ABOUT CAT BREEDS.

Which is how we, and our lifestyle, will suit the cat in question.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Cats are only happy when they fulfill their purpose; whatever that might be. Thanks to about 10,000 years of different environments where people had cats, we have a variety of breeds with different skills and needs. We have still further variations when those breeds contribute to the mixed breeds most of us acquire one way or another.

Some cats need a lot of gymnastic playtime, and are unhappy and destructive when constrained too much. Other cats need a quiet haven where they will not be overwhelmed, and living in a household with puppies and toddlers will make them into hidden cats.

I’m a case in point. For many years, I had a house with cats, dogs, and kids. There was plenty of room, and attention, for everyone. I could take on all comers, and mostly I did. But even so there were cats who needed rehoming because their needs would be best met by being an Only Cat, and that wasn’t possible at my house.

Now, I’m in a much smaller space, and Mr WereBear is mostly housebound. We have room for only three cats, and those cats really need to get along. I did acquire a kitten who needed more room and more attention, and I wound up rehoming him to a place where he could get that.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love the cats I rehomed. I was that I did.

Not getting what we thought we’d get is not a serious consideration when the object is not made different by the mistake; the returned shirt can easily be worn by another. But used cars and used cats have depreciation issues that make a choice, if we have one, rather crucial.

We sometimes do not have the luxury of choice, as when we take in a stray or step in as an emergency home. Even so, we should not suffer from a mismatch, when both we and the cat might be happier when they are in another home.

Sometimes we are not a cat’s final destination. Sometimes we’re just a station on their journey.

For tips on rehoming, see my post, Resumes for Cats.

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more to choosing a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CHOOSING A CAT.

What about cats with extra strikes against them? They can do fine, too.

Sensory challenges. One of our valued commenters has a deaf cat who understands the sign language his person created. I’ve known many blind cats who get along just fine as long as no one moves the furniture around too much. People often worry about taking on such cats because they don’t know what to expect.

But such cats can navigate their world, as long as we make the effort to give them their cues in a way they can understand. This also helps the other cats to vary their own communication.

Mobility challenges. How will the cat get to the litter box and their food dish? Quite well, most of the time. If the cat can take care of their own needs, they will, and often with little change required in our caretaking routine.

We can set up ramps for the litter box and a scratching post which is flat on the floor. We will probably be surprised at how well they cope. These cats make every effort to maximize their abilities, and so can we.

Medicine challenges. Dosing a cat can give us understandable qualms about our ability… and how the cat will feel about it.

But we can discover that the cat will connect feeling better with getting their medicine. Even RJ, dosed with several different medications in his early time with us, became resigned and sorta cooperative.

It might not be much; a pill wrapped in something tasty, or drops a couple of times a day. It can become routine for both of us.

But what if the cat gets worse?

This is the unspoken fear of so many, when they are drawn to a cat who needs medicine. But any cat, at any time, can have these difficulties. Often, these cats will not find their difficulty shorten their life or cause its end.

If so, it is sad, but we shouldn’t be comparing it to what the cat could have had if things were ideal. Things are rarely ideal.

more cat pictures

I found Lawrence in the shelter at six months. He was a tabby and white who was heavy lidded and slept a lot. He was so sweet I couldn’t leave him there. In our home, we would periodically adjust his medications for an auto-immune disorder. He got a pill a day, wrapped in cheese.

For ten years he enjoyed saxophone music and lap sitting until his illness overtook what the vets could do, and we had to say goodbye. Those were ten years he wouldn’t have gotten in the shelter.

We worry too much when we think we might not be up to the challenges. When we should be focusing on what we can do. We can do more than we think.

All we have to do is the best we can.

That’s what we promise every cat.

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more to choosing a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CHOOSING A CAT.

There is something very powerful about the cat who seeks us out because they desperately need us.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

So it’s very difficult to say no to a stray who starts hanging around, trying to catch our eye, eating the open cans we leave on the back step like they can’t remember a good meal because we know they might not really remember the last time they had a good meal.

There’s nothing wrong with taking in a stray, as long as we do it in several steps.

Make them a little home. This can be indoors or outdoors, but it should be warm and dry, at least. Put their food and water, (people forget the water, sometimes) in this safe place to lure them into it and make them associate our scent with happiness.

Move the home closer. The cat can be quarantined in this place until they have gone through a vet check. If they show signs of serious illness, they can be left alone to recuperate. Then move them closer to our house in some way, like coming in from the garage to the spare room.

Their age is how they act. The cat can be a wide range of ages, but may act younger or older depending on how they deal with stress. Neglect can make a cat move slowly and show the dull coat of malnutrition, and will make them look much older than they are.

One room at a time. These rooms, after it has been established that New Cat is not carrying anything the other cats can catch, may or may not contain other cats. They can look through the door at the other cats for a month before they feel safe, because in their street life, other cats were nothing but trouble.

Making up ground. It might take a year for this cat to relax; or a month. We don’t know how bad it got and how long it was bad. So we give a stray a lot of slack. If they want to keep getting fed in their room, let them.

Expecting too much. Too much advancement, too much gratitude, too much stress, and too soon… that’s how that nice stray can seem to get a little crazy. And they are a little crazy, so they should be left alone and not stressed.

It’s sad to say that while our cat can be wonderfully affectionate and relaxed, they can transition from that state in a microsecond if they feel threatened. That doesn’t mean our stray can go psycho on us at any time. It means they can start to feel wary with an inadvertent gesture or when we surprise them somehow.

Our stray, until they learn to trust us, is going to be coming down from their battle to survive. If we have a summer to slowly grow close to the cat before winter drives them in, they will have had a chance to think about us. If winter drives us closer than makes us comfortable, there can be stress.

Some strays stroll right in, looking like they misplaced their top hat, and stay for the rest of their lives. It’s the cat who really needs it, and looks it, who triggers our greatest empathetic instinct.

They need to set their own speed.

If we feel a connection with this cat which keeps getting stronger, it doesn’t matter how long the journey.

We and the cat will meet.

Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more to choosing a cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my CHOOSING A CAT.