They are not blank slates; their genetics will contribute a great deal to how these early experiences are interpreted.

No matter what, the “kitten in our cat” will shape everything in their life going forward. But that doesn’t mean we get to shape that kitten entirely.

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I bring this up to increase awareness in potential Cat Adopters. Their greatest fear: What if I get a cat with troubles? will drive them towards a kitten, feeling they can then more easily direct the course of the cat’s life.

Ironically, it’s much easier to detect trouble, or its lack, in the older kitten, or in a grown cat. The smaller the kitten, the harder it is to figure out where a deficit, if any, might be lurking. Kittens are naturally playful, curious, and open-minded. This can mask a future difficulty with cuddling, trust, and affection.

In humans, relocated traumatized children often do well in their new homes, until they hit the rocky seas of adolescence. Because of the new demands placed on them, their early deficits are now revealed and call for extra help.

Likewise, we can have a good time with our kitten, only to become confused and distressed when they develop troubles as they mature.

Here’s some of the things that can happen that we cannot control:

Abandonment: This can be voluntary; as when a stressed mother cat bails on some or all of a litter. (This is what happened to our orphaned Tristan.) This can be involuntary; as when a mother cat meets with misfortune and the clock is ticking on the kittens.

At three weeks, Tristan responded to love and care instantly. The “mark” it left was reflected in his difficulties very early in the morning, when he woke up and everyone else was asleep. Then he would feel sadandlonely.

Jack the Pumpkin King had his separation issues at nine weeks, when mother and two other siblings were trapped a few days before he was finally captured. He expressed his distress by hiding; trying to lower the overwhelming input that he has felt, since.

Favoritism: Part of a kitten’s earliest experiences is the unavoidable consequences of being a group. Some kittens will be more aggressive in nursing, some will be less able to assert themselves. Some respond gladly to the rough-and-tumble; others hang back.

This starts in the womb. This continues into any other social situation the kitten grows up to find themselves in.

We won’t be able to make a yielding cat more assertive, or vice versa. We can only create situations where their yieldingness, or lack of, doesn’t get them into trouble.

Attitudes: This “genetic pattern shaped by experience” continues as our cat-to-be figures out the environment they find themselves in. Tristan responded to being fostered very positively, partly because the “bad feedback” part of being cold and hungry and un-cuddled improved rather quickly. This was vital to his future development, because he’s an Alpha; he expects to control his environment.

If the environment had continued to frustrate his efforts, such as a situation where it took longer to find a foster home or if he’d had health challenges that kept him at the vet’s office for a longer period, we would have seen the buildup of frustration. He would then be quicker to act up and act out when thwarted.

It would be different for a Gamma kitten; they don’t expect to be controlling their environment, anyway. Extra frustration for this kind of kitten means creating more gratefulness when they do finally get support and affection.

Early attitudes seem so persistent that I always caution people who think adopting a kitten is a better guarantee of success than adopting a cat. If this is their main concern, usually due to lack of experience on the part of the human, they are much better off with an adult.

Somebody has to know what they are doing.

Raising a kitten the wrong way will lead to the very experience they are worried about having.

For more about connecting with a cat we adopted as an adult, see Looking for the Kitten Face.

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It can be difficult to be exact about our cat’s birthday.

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When we got Tristan and the vet said “three weeks,” we agreed, and counted back 21 days. When our friends got Zora, they were told “six weeks,” they agreed, and counted back 42 days. Why didn’t we get the same date? Because this is not an exact science; in the absence of hard data, this common New Kitten Ritual is always informed guessing.

Is it important? Knowing the exact date and time is not; but keeping track, is. As I point out in my post, Give them a birthday, there are many excellent reasons to bestow a birthday on all our cats. Besides the handy focus it gives us on our cat’s age, it can also help us understand our cat.

As I explain in this Tristan post, at the age of six weeks, Zora was bigger than Tristan; I concluded he was the runt. This was possibly why his over-stressed mother, unable to nurse two kittens, abandoned him instead of his littermate.

Yet now, Zora has weighed eight pounds for a few months now, achieving a more compact build, while Tristan is more than ten pounds; and hasn’t even reached his “filling out stage” yet. He still looks like he was built with Tinker Toys.

If we were to compare the two cats now, we could easily decide Zora is the older one. She’s “shaped” like an adult cat, she is dignified and sedate. While our firecracker, Tristan, could easily be mistaken for a kitten.

This matters because we could stumble on our misconceptions. Zora could be adopted by a family who expect adult behaviors to match her appearance; while Tristan, not the size of a kitten but still with kitten behaviors, could be thought of as stubborn or difficult, when he’s only immature.

What is the solution to this guessing game? We can dodge trouble by not using age, for this purpose, at all. Instead, we should focus on behavior.

Cats have an amazing ability to overcome adversity by delaying, or restarting, or even rewinding, their different growth stages. Food struggles can pause their body development while making them more resourceful; stress can slow down mental progress while ramping up their reflexes. Each cat brings a different genetic mix to their environmental challenges.

If our cat is acting like a kitten, we can also expect the other kitten traits which come along for the ride. If our cat requests dignity, we give it to them.

Even though this can be the same cat, on the same day.

See my post, Cat Stages: Unknown Age, for more about guessing our cat’s age.

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In the course of the conversation, he mentioned that one thing he really disliked about life on the road was that he couldn’t bring his, now elderly, cat. He had placed the cat with his brother; only someone else in the family developed allergies. Now he felt badly about his cat living on the porch with little attention.

I suggested getting the cat a new home. He protested, “The cat is old!”

My response? “Then offer him to an elderly person.”

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I could tell he was startled by this suggestion; but I could also tell it had made an impression. I don’t know how it turned out in this case; but I’ve seen it turn out very well. It really should turn out far more often than it actually does.

The way I see it, we have a problem with senior cats finding homes. We also have a problem with elderly people not getting out as much as they’d like, and suffering from loneliness. Hmmm, hmmm, hmm. What a knotty problem!

Senior cats placed with senior people cut through many common pet difficulties:

The finance problem. Older cats are already fixed and vaccinated. Their appetite is small and their issues, if any, are known. People on a fixed income can then come up with a fixed cat budget.

Such cats are also past the age where genetic problems or congenital difficulties can come up out of nowhere. Keep in mind that cats don’t get into the double digits in age without some help along the way. The fact that the cat reached senior status means they got medical care, steady meals, and human affection in their past. Which bodes well for their future.

The shared interests problem. If a senior is into rock climbing and square dancing, they can always find people to do these things with. But if a Murder, She Wrote marathon is their idea of a great time, the companion potential is slimmer.

Except if they have an older cat. Sitting around and getting affection is a strong, shared, mutual interest.

The dog problem. While dogs make great pets, they do require more walking, exercise, and grooming than a cat. Some elderly people find negotiating icy sidewalks or being unable to postpone a play session if they are not feeling well turns out to be too high an obstacle.

If an elderly person can get out, they do get out; and can keep isolation at bay rather easily. The person who can’t get out, for whatever reason; they will find the constant companionship of a cat to be a life enhancing experience.

The kitten problem. A kitten climbing the drapes and dancing through the bric-à-brac is not something most elderly people find enjoyable. If they do, wonderful! But most would find the slower pace of the older cat more to their liking.

There’s another factor: I’ve had seniors say to me, “I’d love to get a pet. But I don’t have that many years left.” When I point out they can get a pet with a similar window; they get thoughtful… and hopeful. Seniors tend to be quite practical about such matters; or they wouldn’t have this particular worry.

This sensible approach also informs their decisions if their cat develops a serious medical issue that would cost the elderly person money they don’t have. I’ve found that seniors believe quite passionately in their quality of life. Expensive treatments with dramatic outcomes belong to younger cats; older cats tend to, well, get old. Their people understand that.

One thing the elderly finds onerous about the aging process is how our society can treat them as though their usefulness has reached its end. This is certainly not so; and their ability to save another creature in their same boat can create an instant rapport.

Offering them the opportunity to save two lives is a wonderful gift.

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Which is better? Both and neither.

So, am I being contradictory, here? Not at all. The goal of a close relationship remains the same.

It’s only the paths which differ.

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The couple of years difference between adopting a young adult cat and adopting a kitten is only 10% less time when we are looking at two decades of potential enjoyment. This missing element means little if we are not set up for the demands of kittens. If we are new to cats, and thus, kitten-raising, we should really consider having some cat handling under our belt before we try training kittens, who specialize in lack of feedback and total cluelessness.

If we have delicate items (living or non-living) who can’t handle a kitten’s learning curve, or if our space is unsuitable for a kitten’s high energy needs, we can find an adult cat comes with manners and sensibilities, and willingly negotiates our wishes. If we worry about meeting a pet’s financial demands, getting an adult cat means most of our early expenditures are taken care of in the adoption fee.

These are all times when a cat would be a far better choice than a kitten. Reasons for choosing a kitten over a cat would include times when we have existing cats and introduction/matching issues going on.

My apartment’s tiny spaces means our last three cats were 4 1/2 months, 3 months, and an emergency foster at three weeks. While I don’t have the room for proper introductions, I do have the expertise required to raise special needs kittens, which they all were.

If we have young or energetic cats, a kitten will match them in play interest. If we have older, sedentary cats, we can most easily add another older, sedentary cat. Age is a compatibility issue, and one we should take seriously. But age is never a bonding issue.

I’ve found that the real reason people will choose a kitten over a cat is because they are convinced they have a better shot at a close, loving, pet relationship that way. By getting in early, they reason, there won’t be issues dealing with how someone else “messed it up.”

While it is possible to ruin a cat that way, the person we are most likely to ruin it for is ourselves. The reason is:

Our bond with our cat starts when we meet. At any age.

Some cats are suspicious of people, and must be wooed; and they tend to stay that way. But given a non-feral baseline, each cat, with or without bad experiences, understands hope. A cat who reaches out is a cat who wants contact.

At any age.

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We just savored the quiet; while it lasted. Because a few days later, Tristan was his usual lively self again.

Every kitten has lulls in the pace of their growth; some kittens don’t display it in a way we can detect.

Reverend Jim was always growing at his own, slow, pace. Olwyn seemed to stay tiny for quite a while. It was only when she was well into her second year that we experienced her having any “heft” and she started to fill out to her adult musculature.

These small shifts in a cats energy happen at the other end of their life, too. James Bond is displaying an erratic schedule; sometimes he wants to play, and sometimes he wants to nap all day.

James was always a low energy cat; bodily. Mentally, he loved to think and plan and scheme. Even though Mr. WayofCats’s favorite nickname for him is Wile E. Coyote because James Bond’s plans so often work out in a way he must not have planned for.

Nonetheless, James still enjoys this mental activity as much as he ever did. He copes with his lowered bodily energy by dispatching Olwyn instead of gathering his own “intel.”

While the pace of their changes becomes faster at either end of their lives, our cat at two years old is not our cat at nine years old. If we continue to offer challenges, puzzles, and playtime, our cat will continue to learn and grow.

Tristan, now six months, could be considered a finished product biologically. He was an early maturer (and already neutered because of it) so he will probably finish his maturation process at an earlier age than our massive block of cat-granite, Reverend Jim; who is almost four and still not done yet.

Tristan, despite being orphaned at the age of three weeks, didn’t really experience much in the way of care interruptions. But if our cat has experienced stress, and are still under the age of three, they have the amazing capability of “pausing” at the stage they are at… until conditions improve.

Thus, we can adopt a year-old cat our vet confidently announces “won’t grow any more” and they will double in size.

At any age our cats will cruise on plateaus before making a leap upwards in their development. This happens physically, mentally, and emotionally. One day we see them actually scratching their post without being reminded, or avoiding that table we’ve been warning them away from.

Then we know our “baby” is really growing up.

We rescued a tiny kitten, not knowing anything about him. See all my posts about Tristan.

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How can he possibly top the cuteness he had upon his arrival in our home? When he could be cupped in one hand and was a staggering, big-bellied, glop-goateed baby?

Yes. He was awe-fully cute, and heartbreakingly sweet. But there wasn’t a lot of there, there. At three weeks, kittens have a small and simple set of behaviors.

Now, at ten weeks? He’s brimming over with excitement and personality. He seeks out his humans to pat them on the nose, or purr in their laps. We get eye contact, face contact, little oval paws seeking under the covers to curl up on our chests at night contact. There’s more of Tristan to love… and he acts like he loves us more often.

What was missing from his “furry slug” stage was interactivity. He was cuddly and fun to look at, but that was as far as it went. The hands-on attention he needed was often and messy. In terms of sheer fun, he has far more to offer now.

He has favorite games and knows how to ask for them. He carries his little toy mice around and dumps them in various important places. He runs into the kitchen and skids around like a loon. He rolls around at our feet and squeaks, and when we look down, he blinks his eyes in a cat kiss.

Our kitten will continue to grow for at least two years, and big breeds take even longer to mature. We should enjoy every stage in this process, since each one has special joys and challenges.

Right now, Tristan is still learning to sleep through the night. He still plays with stuff he shouldn’t. He tries to control his claws and teeth, but doesn’t always succeed.

This is a normal part of growing up, especially for a kitten who is not even three months old yet. But if it went on for years; it wouldn’t be nearly so cute or bearable.

Helpless babies invite our care; but they also require it.

It’s a joy to have such a tiny kitten who is so attuned to people. But this also means that, at this early stage, he cannot handle much loneliness. He doesn’t have the mental maturity to be able to internalize our presence.

At ten weeks, he wakes us up much too early because he can’t stand the thought of us not interacting with him. Likewise, he wrestles the older cats, who would also like to get some sleep!

So all of us, cat and human alike, will, in time, appreciate the subtler thrills of a more mature, more capable, more self-sufficient Tristan.

Who will, I am confident, still find ways to be cute.

We rescued a tiny kitten, not knowing anything about him. See all my posts about Tristan.

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He’s puzzled about why he wants to nap more often. He watches the kittens, and seems to vaguely remember when he was that lively. He asks for attention a little more often, since he’s missing some play time.

Though never treat time.

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Cats go through a lot of the same confusion and recalibration people do as they grow older. I’m sure Mr. Bond doesn’t understand how he feels at times. My job is to cheer him up and let him shrug off the changes. Because he is not as busy physically, he needs other kinds of stimulation.

We can give more hugs, though do it gently, as they might be feeling a littler stiffer than before. I do more Petting in Place with Mr. Bond, especially when he is in transit. When he is lying on the bed, he is more relaxed, and fair game.

We can say more sweet things, if softly, because they have more tender feelings now. As cats age, they have more trust in being taken care of; they no longer put in the energy to put up a front as often as they used to. It is less enjoyable, and less needed.

So we can indulge ourselves with our senior cat, perhaps more than we ever have before. We can find our cat enjoys being joked with, and they will be more interested playing small mental games with us.

While Mr. Bond still enjoys play, and it is good for him, too, he stops sooner lately. But he hangs around to watch the kittens. It can leave an entertainment deficit, so we bring toys to him more often. I find he will create pretexts to discuss things with us, even if the situation has not changed.

Older cats do not have a true understanding of what is happening when they grow older. In the wild, they would not have done so very often.

When we care for a senior cat, we are both in uncharted territory.

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Cats also play with our perceptions by acting more confident, and older, than they feel.

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Most kittens are born quick-minded, and with nurturance, they only become more so. We can’t go by size to discover a kitten’s age, since cats can vary so much in size, and can have growth spurts at different ages to thwart best guesses.

Under three months should be thought of a helpless infant. Under six weeks, a kitten needs veterinary care and possibly bottle feeding if they are underweight and hungry all the time. How to care for the kitten from six weeks to three months old.

They do their best not to act like a helpless infant, but it’s an act. They need cuddling and soft voices.

How can we tell a young kitten’s age? They are very young if their ears are floppy at the top, if they have have a high, sharp kind of mew, if they seem to conk out quickly, and they are messy eaters.

From three months to nine months, a kitten is in their childhood. And what a lovely childhood it is. They are far sturdier, and actually more fun, since they also do not have the deeper thinking of the “teenager cat.”

The teenager cat is from nine months, to over three years, old. We should still think of them as a kitten, just as we think of a high-schooler as not quite grown up. They aren’t. Not quite.

They can be very trying. They test all the boundaries, and the ones they remember, they pretend we do not. A kitten can double in size from the beginning to the end. The larger the cat will be, the longer their maturation process will take, with cobby types taking the longest.

Once a cat grows up, what then? When fully mature, a cat is ready for the best part, in many ways. It’s such a happy medium, the fully adult cat, from maturation to about ten.

They fill out compared to the leggy teenager cat. Their muscles are ready for feats of strength instead of supersonic hallway racing. They do love thinking, but this is, of course, a good thing.

The older cat, from ten to fifteen years old, can spend this time as a bit older than their fully mature self the whole time, or they can slow down quite a bit, during the same five year span. As they gradually show signs of becoming elderly cats, we should offer extra support.

From fifteen to over twenty, senior cats can live a slow, happy life. They are actually even smarter than before, but need special care because their body is quite old.

Some cats can cruise along just fine, to twenty and beyond, with longer sleeping periods, decreased tolerance for idiot-cats, and wanting more attention.

Older cats need this grounding from us to help them keep sharp as they get older. This keeps them from developing mental problems as they age and lose the keenness of their senses. They are losing feedback as they age, and they need more now.

In any rescue situation where the cat, of whatever age, gives confusing cues about their age, remember that their appearance can be deceptive if they have not recovered from a stressful experience when we encounter them.

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This is also when their body shows some signs of slowing down. This is a very gradual process, and encourages the cat to concentrate on the more energy-efficient fun found in thinking.

And they are lying around more.

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Mr. Bond pulls his “carry me to my food” routine a couple of times a week, especially if he is feeling nervous about something. Just to put more fun in mealtimes, and to get a little more attention from me.

That’s a sign of this stage in life; after having this whole bunch of missions for years, even the busiest cat starts kicking back and asking for a little help. Figuring out how to ask is a skill they have honed over the years.

We might pick up hints that we should be better trained by now. They will start refusing certain dinners, or want to move breakfast. We can wonder why the cat is suddenly changing their behavior, or see that the cat is concentrating on getting us to do something, though we don’t know why.

Two changes are interacting with each other at this stage of cat growth and aging.

The cat’s body loses sensory and nutritional input. Our cat is discovering the same old food is not smelling the same. Part of why a cat might suddenly make a fuss over not eating something that used to be a favorite is that it really doesn’t smell the same. Their nose senses something missing because their sense of smell is not quite as good. Our cat will try to convey their confusion. They need us to show we care by coming up with something new and smelly.

They might appreciate a fluffier, warmer, more enclosed bed. They could want more lap time. Or they could spend more time in less accessible parts of the home.

The cat’s mind is working on increasing input. If they are ever going to mess with our heads, they’ll do it now. If they’ve always messed with our heads, we won’t see it coming. If we have gotten to know our cat, for however long, this is the age where they play the best jokes on us.

They explore changes in their routine at this age because they need it. It is mental input, and it is also a soothing way to explore what makes them feel good now, when they have different requirements, and need to let us know.

We can invest in more digestible food and sprinkle some brewer’s yeast onto it. We make sure they get more offers to drink water, to remind them they should.

These cats can become “absent-minded professors” as they get lost in their thoughts. They appreciate the nudge back to the real world. This is when we “get” each other’s humor and have sweet, close, moments.

The best part is that cats can hang in this stage for almost as long as they took getting here.

We want a cat to grow old with us.

It’s a great part of their life.

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When we have a great relationship, it is always difficult to accept that it has to come to an end. Why can’t cats live as long as we do?

The scientific answer is that cats are not programmed to do so. Cats rely on their cunning, but they also need speed and stamina. As a predator, they do not spend their later years in rocking chairs; unless we provide them.

So the good scientific news is that care as our pets means cats live probably twice as long as they would in nature; and much longer than ferals or strays. After all, no cats live in the wild in developed countries; they live in the world we have made.

So there is some impact we can make on this span; by seeing to their medical needs, feeding them properly, making them active and happy, and keeping them indoors, away from attack, accidents, and disease. Studies suggest that on average, the indoor-only cat can expect ten more years than the outdoor cat.

The philosophical answer is more complex. Animal lifespans vary widely; just days for some insect forms, or over a hundred years for tortoises. We would like cats to live much longer; we would like humans to stay in their thirties for a few hundred years. But we are not made that way; we can go for our maximum, but not beyond. Cats are the same way.

Consider how terrible it would be if all the cats in shelters had the potential to live to be one hundred. The number of wasted years, already huge, would become monumental; and the cage time for cats past the kitten stage would stretch out that much longer.

We must remember than elderly cats really are. James Bond will be twelve at the end of this month; ready for Social Security. From now on I expect him to be turning over more duties to RJ, sleeping more, and be readier to let the play session end. He’s already showing such tendencies.

As cats age, we have to recognize that they might not make it all the way to twenty. Not all humans make it to 97, either.

So we have to try to keep our perspective. Having cats means saying goodbye at some point. But we cannot let our attitude towards loss color their later years with sadness; or give up a wonderful cat experience because one day it will end.

This is, after all, the cycle of life; without it there would be no more kittens. And who would want to live in a world without kittens?

This doesn’t mean we should regard our cats as interchangeable. Every cat has their own personality, which means we must say goodbye to a cat who is not replaceable, and we will always miss them. We dread the missing them; but we should not let dread consume us.

We must remember that we made each other happy, and that should be our guiding principle. This was the time they had, and they spent it with us. However long or short a time it turns out to be.

After all, we don’t know how long going in, even when we first met them when they fit in our hand. The important thing was that they gave, and got, love.

No matter how much we miss them, we should remember one thing.

That the joy we had from our relationship is still far greater than the pain of their loss.

If not, we are indeed doing it wrong.

Want to make it as long as possible? Here’s some tips.

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