Here, Cookie demonstrates the heavy lidded “look of love” we are always happy to get from our cat. But many people don’t know we can return that message in Cat Speak.
Cats have a number of body language moves they use with other cats. Many of them are unavailable to us, since (from the cat’s point of view) we lack moveable ears, we walk upright, and we have no tail.
However, cats are marvels at reading expressions, and this is why they often study our face for clues to our intentions. Using our own facial expressions lets us “Speak Cat.”
If we find ourselves matching gazes with our cat, try slowly opening and closing our eyes. The slower we do this, the better we convey our affection. When the cat does the same, be thrilled!
We have just exchanged “cat kisses.”
This is an instinctive behavior of the cat that even kittens possess. We see it when the cat sees something they like, when they are feeling good, and when they want to show friendliness to another cat. Do not mistake this for the “narrowed eyes” which mean they feel threatened. That is when the cat draws back their face and pulls their eyes into a stretched position, accompanied by tightly folded ears and maybe showing some teeth.
When they are bestowing cat kisses, their face is relaxed, and their ears are upright, sagging in relaxation, or maybe tipped back in curiosity.
We might even see the “happy ears,” as in this picture of RJ, where the ears swivel outward to form a smile over their face. In this picture, we see the end stage of cat kisses, where the cat has their eyes closed because they are smiling.
If the cat avoids our gaze, this is a sign they are working on their trust with us. There is always a point where we do make contact, and we should try to fit a cat kiss into the transaction.
The cat kiss is the least threatening way we can convey our good intentions, without the baggage of the raised hand for petting (could be an attack!) or trying to hug them (they’re moving in on me!) They can be the important first step in establishing trust with a traumatized cat.
I used cat kisses to convince the half-feral kitten, James Bond, that I liked him and wanted to be his friend. We’ve been building on that relationship ever since.
One clue that RJ’s early deprivation had stymied his development was the way he would give us cat kisses, but not return ours. He was instinctively expressing his affection for us without realizing he was doing it. By patiently returning his cat kisses, and initiating cat kisses during cuddle sessions, we taught him how to communicate, and now he loves to do this with us.
It’s also a great way to exchange greetings when we are busy, or the cat is. Every time I see Puffy lurking in his favorite spots, I give him a cat kiss; to convey my affection, to let him know his spots are a good place for him to be, and to invite him out for more attention. Often, he will take me up on my offer.
Even small children know how to send kisses to other people. There is a way to send that same love to our cats.
Try it.
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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
I wonder….if a cat/kitten blink their eyes to us, what that sign could be? a kiss…. or a ‘kinky’ expression showing their love?
Absolutely. Cats can send us kisses, too.
my yaiya said that when cats blink their eyes, they’re saying they love you.
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^-^ I always knew that look meant something more than simply, ‘i’m content’-you can almost feel the vibe they give off then, and unknowingly, i returned their kisses; smiling gently with closed eyes, kinda like in some animes or this e-face ^-^
I feel very lucky that the woman I got Siena from told me about cat kisses and we’ve been doing that ever since. It’s the sweetest thing.
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Sorry for replying on a thread over two years old, but what about actual cat kisses, where they lick a human finger or nose? Is this a sign of affection, or something else?
My cat would much rather give me kisses than be petted. She’s over 10 years old so this isn’t kittenish behavior…
Yes, that’s also a “kiss.” Or at least a sign of affection.
I also apologize for responding to an old post. my cats did a strange thing I’d love to hear your opinion on. last summer, much on your recommendation I got my Sky a kitten. they are close in age, actually. he seemed bored and maybe a little depressed to me. last summer, a friend who fosters cats to keep them out of the shelter picked up a stray who seemed to be a good match. Sky lost his leg when he was a very young kitten. he was traumatized and also getting fat, even though I fed him less and less all the time. Henry is a white cat with blue eyes. he responds to sounds from time to time but he obviously has limited hearing. both of them seem to have missed some socialization training. I introduced Henry into our house using techniques from your blog as well. one day I would love to report on how that went. there was one event, while Henry was still alone in his room, that Sky figured how that there was someone in there. he practically danced with his excitement to meet this new friend. they are both young, neutered males; both between 1 and 2 years old. they love to wrestle. they will spend their awake times wrestling a few times a day. I am positive they are having fun with this game together. like young boys, they can get out of hand. from the beginning I felt the need to step in and break them up. (Henry is very OCD, he came with some very bad manners and he seems to have difficulty understanding sometimes, maybe part of the deafness; Sky does not like to share his favorite things or spots.) if the game seems to be going on too long or if one of them starts to cry I will make them stop. in the beginning I did squirt them with the mister to get their attention. now they will stop if I tell them it is getting out of hand. the plan works pretty well. it allows them to ask for help if one or the other becomes too aggressive. if they start to bang into things I’ll make them separate, too. one day I came over to stop a match and they both looked up at me and started blinking at me really fast. I blink at both of them all the time when they blink at me so they are familiar with communicating like that. it was as though they were asking me not to be mad at them. have you ever heard of this kind of response? it was such a striking moment. I haven’t noticed them responding that way again since, but they don’t get out of hand as much as time goes on, either.
All the blinking? It’s cat kisses; the way they send love, long distance.
Wow this is a superb guide! I love cats and this is really awesome, thank you for sharing this guide with us. This really helped me a lot to connect with our pet Dixie, she’s a Persian cat with black and white coating over her. Keep it up and hoping you will post again. Kudos to you!
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cat kisses to me are either them giving me eskimo kisses (them rubbing their nose against mine) or me kissing their the outside of their ears.. (how much do cats love that!!)
tho all cats have an affinity when you do ‘sexy eyes’ (cat kisses) the narrowing/blinking thing..
If only men were as easy to work out, understand and trust as cats! x
When I first heard of cat kisses I started doing it. But it seems that most the time when I give my cat a cat kiss he looks away before he sees it or if he does see it then he meows at me while staring. what could this mean?
This is something that I have been doing for a long time with the feral and other cats that find my backyard (a very popular feline hangout.) But I thought that looking at a cat in the face and closing my eyes (and a cat looking directly at you or another cat and closing his eyes) was a sign of non-violence leading to trust. I certainly wouldn’t close my eyes around someone I perceived as a threat, so I thought cats wouldn’t do that either. So when I do it, I am trying to communicate to the cat that I am not preparing to attack, but am being welcoming.