When the cat feels we have let them down, they will unleash their disapproval with a stern Turned Back.

Seeing the cat’s back, in itself, means nothing. If they are asleep or observing something, they will often have their backs to us. But if they notice our attention and then turn their back, we have been dissed.

Here, Mr. Bond demonstrates that he’s had enough picture taking for a while, by deliberately reclining with his back to me.

If he’s happy with me, he will recline facing me, so we can exchange discussion and affection.

But this time, he’s indicating, I’ve gone too far.

I’ve apologized, and soon he’ll be back against my leg. This was a minor transgression, easily overlooked.

The times I’ve forgotten to tell him I’ll be late, he’ll be waiting for me in the hallway; waiting for his chance to turn his back.

Being shunned is the cat’s way of telling us we have hurt their feelings. It’s up to us to make a fuss over them and show that we care about their opinion. Then they will forgive us.

This is also an indicator of how the cat regards our own “turned back.” If we are too busy to pay attention to them, or worse, do not respond to their overtures of affection, they will be hurt, but also confused. They might not have done anything to warrant us acting this way. They will worry about it, and might even misbehave. Bad attention is better than no attention.

Of course, there might be times when they have done something we are unhappy about. We owe it to them to let them know that, and acting hurt by their actions. They understand that, and will strive to not disappoint us again.

That is, if we care about the relationship, and show that we care.

The only way a cat will care about disappointing us is if we show we care about their feelings, too. How can our regard, our respect, and our affection hold their place in their hearts if we act like we don’t care about their own preferences?

If they want to be told before the vacuum cleaner makes an appearance, tell them. If they want a fuss made over dinner, make a fuss. If they want a new toy unveiled with a bit of drama, let’s open the curtains and put on a show!

Cats, being homebodies to their very core, rely on us to create their world. It is up to us make their world a pleasant and nurturing place. Cats rely on their dignity and approval to mean something to us. Thus, their disapproval is usually the strongest protest they can make.

If we are sensitive to their feelings, and take them seriously, that will be the strongest protest they need to make. We should cultivate diplomacy with our cats with the same delicacy we wish others would regard our own feelings.

Maybe we can’t get the same deference in the wider world. But in our mutual home, we can get it from our cats.

Especially if we give it, first.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.