Why is the cat disobeying us?
Before we jump to unfair conclusions about the cat’s attitude, we should give some thought to the parameters of our request.
- Have we asked the cat not to do something they want very much to do?
- Have we asked the cat to do something they want very much not to do?
- Have we asked the cat to do something that is simply not in their skill set?
If we would like the cat to not sit on a certain table, and the cat still sits on the table, we can conclude the cat is being stubbornly disobedient, but there’s probably more to it than that. There must be something about that table that suits their needs, and they feel compelled to sit there regardless. It might be the only vantage point to a busy window, it might be the only way to get away from a curious dog or grasping toddler, or it might be right by the door, where the cat wants to greet us.
Cats are always driven to satisfy their needs in the best way open to them. We cannot ignore their needs, we can only redirect them.
Likewise, we are not going to be able to persuade the cat to come when they are called if we follow up their obedience by giving them medicine or perform some other unpleasant task. It is perfectly all right with the cat to never come when they are called if there’s the slightest chance it will result in something they do not like. The possibility of something good coming of it is far outweighed by the possibility of something bad coming of it.
We cannot expect the cat to join us in a room where there is a lot of commotion, loud music, or other things they do not like. They cannot “learn to like” anything they already don’t like. Our efforts to persuade the cat otherwise will only result in the cat mistrusting our motives.
If we continue to try to get the cat to do something against their will, we will never get them to obey. We will only create stress, which is sure to be expressed in things we like even less.
We cannot force the cat to do anything. Often, people’s experience with dogs carries over to cats in a highly counter-productive way. A dog will do something they don’t want to if we insist. Properly handled, a dog might not even mind. Obeying their leader can be less stress for them than the unwanted action.
This is simply not true of cats. A cat cooperates if they want to. We have many ways of persuading the cat to want to, or not want to. But our insistence is not, ever, going to work.
Our insistence will only undermine our cat relationship, and make what we want even more impossible to get.
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