How can we make our cat a lap cat? While not every cat has the same cuddling potential, there are things we can do which will make the cat comfortable with us and open to affection.

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We should be firm in our resolve to never use physical discipline methods with our cats. They don’t work. All they do is make the cat think we are dangerous and unreliable. This is not the best foundation for a close relationship. Cats are never going to obey us because they are afraid of us. That will only make them avoid us.

Once the cat trusts that our approach is about good things, we can get more physical with the cat. Pet them and talk sweet to them while they are sitting, lying, or standing, without disturbing their present position. Use our head and voice to make overtures. These are actions which extend respect for the adult cat’s feelings.

Once we have made enough of a fuss over the cat, the cat will be compelled to make overtures of their own. This is something I can’t emphasize enough, so here it is again.

If we fuss over the cat, the cat will fuss over us.

This simple Law of Reciprocity is essential for good cat relations. Remember, there is nothing in the cat’s nature which requires them to be affectionate with us, unless we create an “affection deficit” which they must address. That is our power; that is our only power.

A cat cannot ignore sweet overtures. Just as we find it difficult to not return a smile from a fellow human, a cat finds it difficult to not respond to continued demonstrations of our love and interest. Find the courage to express our devotion to the cat, and be confident that it will be returned. In fact, our own confidence will communicate to the cat that our intentions are of the best.

Soon, the cat will appear when we are in our own hanging out mode. If the cat appears while we are watching television, on the computer, or reading, take notice. Make a big deal about the cat’s presence. Reach out to pet them; and if they are too far away, let our hand fall short. Aw. That’s too bad. We’d love to pet them. If only they were a little closer.

As we continue to extend our hand of friendship, the cat can’t help but close the gap. As they get closer and closer to get their petting, we will find we can pat our chair, leg, even lap, and they will move near us to get their petting. As we patiently up the stakes, the cat will be comfortable enough to relax near us, and then, on us. Many cats love the signal of putting a blanket over our lap; this changes the landscape from a puzzling, unreliable surface to something more accessible for them to curl up on.

Mohammed, it is told, was so reluctant to disturb his sleeping cat that he cut away the sleeve of his robe rather than dislodge her. While we don’t have to literally follow his example, it is the respect and love Mohammed shows to his cat that will allow us to enjoy this most intimate of gestures.

While not every cat can be a lap cat, every cat has the potential to show us the deepest love they are capable of expressing. How deep is it?

Unless we show our own, we will never know.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.