The Way of Cats

How do we pet our cats with respect? One great way is to surprise them with The Standby. This Move of Mutual Respect works for any cat who will let us touch them.

We approach the cat while they are standing around, and they might expect us to pick them up, or try to. But we do not. (That’s the surprise part.) Fooled ya! Thought I was going to pick you up! Instead, we Pet In Place, by making the effort to connect with them as equals.

Here we see RJ being petted while all four feet are on the floor. Usually, the cat is standing upright, but RJ often melts when we touch him. I got this just before he rolled over onto his back.

It’s up to the cat how they react to The Standby. Some, like RJ, will roll around and all but beg us to be picked up anyway. Some will wind around our legs and rub their faces on us. Some will look up at us and enjoy this mutual hug that implies equality, because they are standing upright.

That is the beauty of this move. We are standing, or sitting, or kneeling, it doesn’t matter. But the cat stays in their position, being embraced and admired while they are also not being babied or swept off their feet.

It’s not that most cats mind those things. However, they also appreciate this option; being given their independence and autonomy while they are being petted. To understand why that is so, we need to put ourselves in the cat’s place for a moment.

If we remember that far back, we were once in that position. Our parents or grandparents once were much bigger and taller than we were. Most of the time, it was great to be swept into their arms. But we also appreciated the times they would drop down to a knee, or put us on their lap, and speak to us without the dizzying, disorienting feeling of having our feet off the ground.

Also, cats are extremely flexible. They have 30 vertebrae, compared to a human’s 26. Their spine is designed for leeway, since it does not have to support a human’s upright posture. Part of a cat’s predatory advantage is the way they can twist and turn. But they like to do this on their own.

When a human picks them up, they should be supported at all points, so they won’t fear twisting the wrong way and hurting themselves. But we can be even more affectionate when we don’t pick them up at all. We avoid any hint that we are more powerful and bigger, even though we are.

Emphasizing our weight and height advantage is something we must use with care. Asserting it is not a form of affection.

When we pet with The Standby, we are doing something the cat likes, the way they like it. We can pet any part of them, we can hold their torso and sway it back and forth, we can rub their ears and stroke their tails. But we let them stay where they are, uninterrupted from what they were planning to do.

We can enjoy them on their terms. Not ours.

That’s a great way to show respect.

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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.