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By using only the body part the cat has chosen, we are expressing ourselves physically with something that is no bigger than they are. We are no longer huge and overwhelming. We are equal.
One of the best things about The Shift is that it works for any cat. Timid cats find their confidence increased by interacting with us in a way that does not make a point of our size and power. Puffy loves this move because his presence is small, anyway, and hugging overwhelms him. It also works when a cat’s understanding of their surroundings is still not reliable, such as Reverend Jim.
But this move works equally well with cats whose problem is the opposite of timidity. There’s the cat who tends to be belligerent, and is soothed by our presenting a less threatening presence. The cat who tends to be too rough will scale back; once we do. Even cats who have good relationships, such as James Bond, love this move because to them, it’s funny.
We have the power to curtail our power, for them. We make the meeting ground between us as respectful as possible. By making the cat feel that our presence is even.
Cats do not obey the laws of physics. The cat knows we are actually larger and more powerful, but they know we are pretending not to be. This double-back pleases the cat.
They are so impressed by our catspeak, that they cannot help but respond to this move in some way. And if we have never tried to pet the cat except as some looming, leaning-over entity, we might be surprised at the difference it makes to the cat.
Presence, whether cat or human, is a combination of many factors, as much psychological as it is physical. Among friends, it becomes an exchange of taking turns exerting presence into each other’s space. It’s not just how big or small we or the cat may be, it’s how much effort we will each put in towards expressing equality.
That’s the hidden dimension we are able to bridge with The Shift.
Being bigger than the cat, we should scale back to express an equal playing field of affection.
This is the Game of Mutual Regard. The cat’s favorite game in all the world. The more cunning our play, the more we engage the cat’s thinking side.
And the cat’s trusting side.
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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
Pammy, this is just a flat out wonderful post! Five stars, as they say in youtube land.
As you may know from checking out my blog, I adopted a Maine coon from a rescue shelter about a month ago. The description of her was just so discouraging, and I was totally thrilled when she got friendly, and purred and groomed herself (she had not been seen doing either in the shelter).
But, over the past week, I have been thinking about exactly the same issues that you mention in your post, albeit not with such clarity. I am beginning to realize that she still needs a lot of special attention, in just the right way. And, I was aware that at times I was “doing it wrong”. Your post is so helpful! Having read, I will reread and reread. Thank you!
Valley Girl’s last blog post..Japanese moggie cat musician- concert tail
Wonderful post! This explains why my cats like it so much when I come in wherever they are and just lay down beside them.
But of course, as pleasing as being equal is to the cat, being on top of is better! On top of your back, on top of your shoulder, on top of your face….
I have a 14 month old cat who is very active and I guess what would be considered an “Alpha” personality. As a small kitten, she would sit beside me or lay in my arms but now she is too “busy” for any of that stuff. She will play with her toys with us and really enjoys those activities. She also naps with me on the bed in the afternoon and frequently follows me to other rooms, although not obsessively. As she ages, might she become more of a lap cat and take time to be held and cuddled more? Or am I stuck with one of those famously “aloof” kinds?
At 14 months, your kitten (and she still is, despite what she looks like) is in Cat Adolescence.
This is a time they seem Aloof. But they are trying out their independent adult personas. As an Alpha, her brain has bloomed with so many new thoughts and ideas, she is, as you observed, busy trying them out.
It is a stage, and lasts for varying periods of time before the adult personality gets set. Now is the chance for you to cement your relationship and periodically reconnect with the cuddly kitten she still can be inside.
Start with verbal fusses about her great qualities, paying attention and praising her for things you like. Since she’s so busy, a play session that both pays attention to her, and wears out those abundant energies, will set her up for more physical gestures on your part. Take advantage of the sleeping on the bed times for a quick cuddle or petting session.
We can feel hurt at the loss of the cuddly kitten. But she is still there, just as our awkward adolescents contain the child they once were. So be extravagant and persistent in declaring our love, instead of withdrawing ourselves. It doesn’t matter that she seems to shrug it off. She will feel compelled, out of her developing sense of fair play, to respond sometimes, and when she blooms into an adult, she will have a solid grounding of love between you.