It’s a universal human signal to approach someone with an open hand. Anthropologists think it means, “I have no weapons.” From a friendly wave to an offer of a handshake, humans use the open hand to signal friendliness.
We use our fist to signal aggression.
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But this doesn’t work on cats.
The reason a shy cat skitters away from our open hand is because that means they might be grabbed, and they don’t like the odds.
So when we approach with a closed fist, it sends a more reassuring signal. We are not trying to grab them. Our intentions are good.
When a cat is being very aggressive towards another cat, what does their paw look like? That’s right; widespread, with claws extended.
The folded hand also safeguards us against poking them. Cats are cautious around spiky objects that could injure their delicate facial areas. Even my own cats, who have no fear of our open hands, can suddenly turn their head for extra contact and get my finger in their ear or eye.
When I use my fist as a petting tool, I make sure that doesn’t happen.
We have to realign our own inclinations to realize how the cat interprets our gestures. We can feel hurt when we extend our hand for petting; and the cat flees.
This “intention misinterpretation” is part of how people continue to give cats the wrong signal, and then get the wrong signal back.
We might have already played the Villain Hands game with our cats, without realizing how this same gesture plays out when we are approaching our cat at other times.
The dynamic tension of the Villain Hands game is how we are playing with our cat’s trust. Will we grab them for good or bad? The Villain Hands game ends with cuddling and a catharsis of the uncertainty built up over each other’s intentions.
When we cuddle, we both have resolved the tension, for a happy ending.
With the shy or unknown cat, we don’t have enough trust to play this as a game. The cat is playing for real, and there’s no fun in it for them because they don’t know what we mean by our open hand.
Cats always err on the side of caution.
So when we are still building trust, not yet having enough for them to give us the benefit of the doubt, use the Fist of Friendship. This is using catspeak. This is communicating with them in their language.
We might be surprised how this simple change in our approach will speak volumes about our good intentions.
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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
Wow, you’re right! I don’t make a fist, but I always hold my hand in a loose curled shape, or as close to a fist you can make without actually making one. And the cats react to that better. All the cats I meet, come to think about it, and even the dogs. This isn’t the first time that WOC has explained something that I unconsciously already do!
I also caught Byron just before he began peeing in the wrong place, and he stopped immediately. And his next stop was my lap, purring as he leapt up. I think you’re right about him doing this because he wants attention.
Well, at least until he does it again!
I’m so frustrated with my cat because she’s just so mean, I wanted a loving cat, she does not care about attention and when I try to pet her all she does is bite. what can I do? I’m starting to think that maybe it doesn’t make a difference if your nice to them or mean she acts the same always.
There can be many ways your communication with your cat could be messed up, resulting in mutual mistrust on both sides. I would need more information to help you get started on retraining; of both you and your cat. Feel free to use the contact tab at the top of the blog to tell me more.
Thank you so much for this notice; I’ve had cats all my life but until this current batch, never one so close to feral! We’ve been working now for a few months with the closed-hand approach and WHAT a difference! She actually comes close and lets me touch her before tearing off. And she trusts me now to approach when she’s ready to nap, instead of changing locations or hiding. Thank you from all of us.
I actually realized, when I put my open hand just a few inches above the ground (lower than the height of the cat), even a shy cat isn’t scared. It looks like the cat thinks she gets something to eat. However, when I put my open hand at a more elevated height, most cats get scared and run away.
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