Yes, cats go through adolescence. And, just as with humans, this is a trying time. Our kitten is growing up, and trying everything!

So we need to focus on our training even more, since they are no longer so easily distracted. They also have a stronger will; and the willingness to use it.

Compounding our training challenges is the fact that as our growing kitten asserts themselves on their environment, they are also trying out their burgeoning adult personality. Their independence is flowering.

This can make them seem indifferent to us.

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What happened to our cute little cuddly morsel of Catness?

Exactly what should happen. Our baby is growing up.

People often mistake the “kitten” for what is really the Baby Stage. If we define “kitten” as “not an adult,” we discover that we have a kitten for at least three years, and with the bigger breeds, up to four or five. While the baby stage seems all too short, we still have a kitten. We are still raising them, as we would with any living creature which has not yet reached maturity.

Yet many people regard a cat out of the baby stage a Cat already, and now that they are Aloof… it’s all over.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

It’s a stage. This is far from the final curtain on their development; unless we let it be so.

Our cat isn’t really indifferent to us; they are pretending. They are trying out their adult responsibilities and feelings, but these have not settled in yet. So when they keep to themselves, it is because they are exploring their feelings towards independence.

It is also a way of testing our devotion.

We can pass this test with a high grade if we let them know we have not changed. We should still pet them, we should still seek them out. By not changing our behavior, we create a steady state the young cat can grow against, just as ivy climbs a wall.

It’s our turn. Things go wrong when we let our insecurities get the better of us. Why isn’t the cat popping up for a cuddle? Why aren’t they climbing on the bed at bedtime any more?

Well, we were spoiled. Now, it’s time to return the favor.

Tiny kittens are naturally outgoing and easy to pet and hug. Part of that is because, whether they like to admit it or not, tiny kittens need the security of our bigger presence, and the tactile feedback of our bodies.

It is entirely proper for a kitten to test their boundaries by venturing further and further away from us. They don’t know what the world is like without us. They want to find out.

The worst thing we can do is let our hurt feelings stand in the way of them returning.

The kitten’s growing body is pushing them to run further and faster. They also have a growing mind, which is pushing them to explore their own autonomy.

How do they feel if we aren’t there? What is this feeling they get when they come back to us? Do they control this feeling? How do they control it?

A cat’s independence is also inter-dependence. But just as we had to learn this in our own growing-up years, so do cats, with their increased abilities to understand conceptual thinking, spend their growing years exploring and learning about how love works.

We are still building the relationship. We are working towards the longest arc of our cat’s bond with us; their adult years. While I adore kittens, I know the deepest feelings are yet to come. That is when we have a mature cat, with all the intelligence, devotion, and interaction which only the adult is able to reach.

If we experience our cat’s adolescence, we are more able to shape the Cat to Come. Loving them regardless is one of the ways we create security and affection. Kittens don’t have the developed brain or attention span which allows them to be so much a part of our lives; kittens are all reaction.

The developing cat needs this time to themselves; they are thinking deeply about all kinds of things. One of the things they are thinking about is us; if we continue to be the loving friend we were when they are kittens.

They might have more dignity; at this stage, they often prefer Petting in Place or a long distance cat kiss as they go about their explorations. But they still want connection with us.

They are exploring connections. How can they do that unless they try out new behaviors?

So we shouldn’t mourn the lost kitten, or ignore them back. We are the adults in this relationship; until our cat reaches an adulthood of their own. That’s when we can re-connect with the kitten who isn’t really lost. Only temporarily on hold.

With our acquisition of three month old Olwyn, Mr WereBear recently rubbed her tiny head and mused out loud, “Why can’t they stay this little forever?”

I said, “Because then they wouldn’t learn anything.”

He agreed. We should enjoy our cat at all their stages.

Each one has its charms; and its challenges.

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There’s more ways to understand our cat with The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my posts on WHY CATS DO THAT.