Older cats are less meltingly cute, but they are also less exasperating. They have acquired self-discipline, learn more quickly, and have a few tricks of their own they would like to teach us. It’s not a drawback that adult cats have already formed attitudes and strategies.
That’s where the fun comes in.
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When we bring home our new adult cat, we should expect some exploration, both of the house and ourselves. The older and wiser the cat, the more low key and reserved their first moves will be. They can be friendly, but we shouldn’t push for instant lap sitting or hugging. They are still figuring us out, and we should let them proceed at their own pace.
We want to acknowledge their autonomy and dignity, while letting them know that we are interested in their companionship. Make friends with these gestures:
Give them something of their own, and make a fuss over the presentation. We can give any toy to a kitten, and they are off and running. Grown cats will appreciate us making a bit of a fuss, and with older cats, it doesn’t even have to be a toy. A little pillow, small stuffed animal, or other interesting object can be given to them as a gift.
Rub the object on the back of our neck, to pick up our scent, before giving it to them. Make a point of putting it in a spot they have already shown an interest in. Any time we want to start engaging with the cat, we can use the object to focus their attention and signal our interest.
Give them a tour of the house, talking up things that affect them. Take advantage of the mature cat’s abilities to understand their needs, and their strong curiosity about how those needs will be handled. Show them their bowls and their litter, of course, but also show them a window that has interesting views and the corner of the couch where you’ve already draped a throw to make it softer. Even if the cat isn’t good at understanding our words yet, they will always appreciate a happy tone and open-hearted effort. This is how we will show our desire for them to be comfortable and happy.
If the cat is not inclined to follow us around during the tour, do it anyway. Their hearing is good enough that they don’t have to be in the room to hear our words. This will signal them that this is a room worth exploring later, on their own. It will help them start to put together our words and our actions.
Announce our own routines, and point out where the cat can become a part of them. Make a point of saying goodbye when we leave, and hello when we come back. When we are going to be in one place for a while, let them know, and tell them they are welcome to join us. Try to make playtime, dinnertime, and bedtime clear and recognizable events by signaling them beforehand, and not allowing these routines to be disrupted too often. If we are going to be late and these happy events will be truncated or out of their usual order, a heads up would be appreciated by the cat, who would be looking forward to them.
Remember that the adult cat has come to us from some kind of complete collapse of their previous life, no matter its quality, or lack of it, at the time. Adult cats have the intelligence and concepts to understand and anticipate events far more than kittens or young cats do. Since we are not growing into these realizations along with the cat, we need to make a special effort to acknowledge, and soothe, any anxieties they might have over the shape their new life will take.
Taking these steps to reassure the cat sends another, highly important, signal. It doesn’t just show we care about them; it shows we know how to care about them. They will then relax into their new home more quickly, and start their most important work, which is seeing how much they can trust, and fall in love, with us.
Getting gamed for the first time by a savvy adult cat is a moment of wonderment. Maybe we stumble into the dim bathroom for an after midnight pit stop, and discover they are waiting there for us. Maybe they are lying on our car keys in the morning, so we have to belly-rub in order to retrieve them. Maybe they hid a shoe so we have to get down on the floor to look for it… and there’s their face peeking out at us from under the bed.
The adult cat will tend to create moments where we can “discover” them. This is how they gauge our sincerity. Are we thrilled to see them? Do we appreciate the effort they have made? Are we sensitive enough to understand they can’t risk overt gestures, just yet?
If we act suitably flattered, happy, and welcoming, we will encourage our new cat towards their own realization that we are, after all, worthy.
And the first time our new cat melts into our hand or lap, with adoring eyes and a full-throated purr, that’s exactly how we will feel.
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